IMPECCABLE TIMING RONALD!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will understand my feelings if you too have a husband, wife, partner or child with this ABILITY.

IMPECCABLE TIMING.

If I am watching a PROGRAMME or FILM that Ronald is NOT interested in he either reads his book, which is great or he will wander about, which is not.

When you have watched intently for the past 45 minutes and just at the point where the MURDERER/LOVER/PLOT whatever is being revealed, this happens.

“It’s really windy out there.” Or, “Hirsute Roley enjoyed his walk today she did a POO.” Or ” Want a cup of tea love?” Or

“Should I put sweet potato in my ratatouille tomorrow?”

All said whilst stood in front of the television!

Yours Testily

Celia

p.s. Book available as e-book or paperback from

amazon.com

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL
Oh dear Ronald has discovered HOME SHOPPING CHANNELS. He appears to have ordered two CERAMIC PANS.

I was getting ready to go out to PANTOMIME rehearsals. I had only left him for 20 minutes alone with the TV REMOTE, whilst I collected, COSTUMES, TABLET with the music on, SCRIPT and TORCH.

When I returned to say goodbye, I wasn’t allowed to leave I had to stand in my HAT, SCARF, WINTER COAT AND FUR-LINED BOOTS, in the heated SITTING ROOM and watch a DEMONSTRATION by a YOUNG HIP CHEF cooking in one pan whilst cooking and burning something in a second pan. Miraculously the YOUNG HIP CHEF took the BURNT OFFERINGS tipped them into a bin and proceeded to wipe clean with a piece of KITCHEN ROLL said BURNT pan.

Ronald was seriously impressed and now that he has taken up cooking he NEEDED these pans, he told me. I left before I passed out with HEAT-STROKE or BOREDOM.

On my return, I checked my E-MAILS before going to bed and there sat SMUGLY in my inbox a receipt for TWO CERAMIC PANS!

I received a parcel today and Ronald ran into the hall shouting “Are those my pans?”

No dear it is my NEW WOOL, how exciting.

I had ordered some to knit a CHUNKY SPRING CARDIGAN for Saskia and Seraphina, I have the WOOL for Morellos but I think she wants to knit it for herself.

So I suggest dear ladies and occasional gentleman, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR TV REMOTE IN UNTRAINED HANDS – CARELESSNESS COSTS YOU POUNDS!

Ronald will be STALKING the POSTMAN until his parcel arrives.

Yours Woolily

Celia

BUM OBSERVATIONS, PICK- A – MIX, FAKE BOOBS & CUP HOOKS

BUM OBSERVATIONS, PICK – MIX, FAKE BOOBS & CUP-HOOKS
This morning, this morning had a piece with a woman who read BUMS. If that wasn’t absurd enough it went on to show so called CELEBRITIES BUMS poking through a hole in the scenery. The BUM-READER went on to OBSERVE the characteristics of the BUM-OWNER.

Firstly why was I watching it? Well I was trying to catch a news item I had missed.
Secondly who were the CELEBRITIES? I could not name one of them.
Thirdly what WERE the programme makers thinking of.
Reading bums poked through a hole, pleeaase ! Surely there are other more interesting subjects they could choose but perhaps I am just being boring, perhaps there are some of you out there who like READING BUMS.

Meanwhile back to the new bed-linen. After the trauma of shopping with all the PICK-A-MIX of BED LINEN to choose from, colours style, fabric etc, when we had finally chosen our bed set, we decided to purchase some new curtains as well. That is when life became difficult because the matching curtains were in a PLEATED TOP rather than an EYELET TOP.

Sorry my dear ladies and the occasional gentleman I must absent, Ronald has had to pop into town for a pair of FAKE BOOBS, some CUP HOOKS, BULBS and SUPER GLUE

Yours Harriedly

Celia