A PLETHORA OF CHOPPERS? Whatever  can she mean, I hear you ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

Well my dear friend Theresa and I went to a nearby market town for a little jaunt. Being market day there was plenty to see and imagine our surprise when we came across a PLETHORA of CHOPPERS.

This was very pertinent, for as you may remember we have a new WOODBURNER. Little did I know about the accessories Ronald seems to need for something that was meant to save us money.

He’s hankering for a new CHOPPER but not just any old chopper but one that has a SPECIAL head, one that splits logs.

Theresa who can spot a CHOPPER at 3 miles, found the perfect one amongst the many but unfortunately when she went to lift it, found that it wasn’t quite right.

“It’s a bit heavy and too short for Ronald” she said “He’s used to a longer one.”

I bow to her superior knowledge.

Yours Choppily



My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, what larks this morning, indeed Ronald and I were up with the LARKS as we were due early for our annual flu jabs, at our local surgery.
It was touch and go as to whether Ronald could have his as he has had an allergic reaction and his eyes are swollen.
Back at home both punctured and patched we headed outdoors as the weather is glorious.

I intended to WRITE with occasional bits of gardening in between.Ronald decides he is going to clear weeds in the paving with a STANLEY  KNIFE but needs a new blade. After attempting but failing to pull the top off he tries various items of CUTLERY before he goes for his HAMMER, at which point I intervene in the hope of avoiding another injury. Oh did I mention that Ronald has BROKEN his WRIST!
I managed to get the top off quite easily with a KNITTING NEEDLE, a reason everyone should learn to KNIT, it does come in handy in all sorts of situations. There was a tiny little knob that had to be depressed (you would be depressed if you had one like that!) before the lid came off.

I am on alert as I sit here and write as with his swollen eyes and vision impaired, a STANLEY KNIFE and a BROKEN WRIST, anything could happen!

Yours Alertedly





My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, as you can see from this photograph, there was a lot of ACTIVITY in the front LADYGARDEN  residence this morning. It was an absolute hive of ACTIVITY, the GARDEN FAIRIES were in.

In the forefront you can see Andy’s TOOL, the other fairies were very JEAlOUS. It was so HEAVY he had to stop and have a rest! And it was sooo HOT I had to break out the ICE LOLLIES!

Yours Swoonily


p.s They are available for work all over the world.


This morning we awoke to 80 miles per hour winds and no I am not talking about Ronald, following on from his BUBBLE AND SQUEAK supper..

Talking of Ronald, I am a little concerned, he has taken to mutterings. I am almost positive I heard him mutter this morning “300 CUBITS BY 50 BY 30”. We arrived back from grocery shopping yesterday, to a message on the answer phone announcing that a LARGE QUANTITY OF WOOD is to be delivered.

Just notified on BBC1 hurricane on LUNDY ISLAND, the EXPECTED WIND-SPEEDS have risen to between 80 and 100 MILES AN HOUR. the ELECTRICITY is now flickering, so is bound to go off soon. At least that will save some money, as I have just discovered that our previous electricity supplier has been SWAPPING OUR LOW NIGHT-RATE FOR THE HIGH DAY-RATE. no wonder our bills had been so expensive.

How long do you think it will take me to sort that our with the ELECTRICITY SUPPLIER?

Must go Ronald is muttering about CUBIT UPWARDS and has headed outside with a WOOD-SAW!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, think of us here in the WEST COUNTRY, which appears to be sinking under OCEANS OF WATER and WHIPPED UP BY HURRICANE WINDS.

Say a little PRAYER to ST MEDARD Patron Saint Against Bad Weather, who was saved as a child as he sheltered under a HOVERING EAGLE.

Let’s hope there is a HOVERING EAGLE over the BRITISH ISLES.

Yours Nervously


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