LOGTASTIC!

LOGTASTIC! Ronald cried and no it wasn’t because the TOILET was BLOCKED, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. 

Which was good because it’s raining and I didn’t want him stood out in the ELEMENTS with his HOSE down the drains.

No it’s because he had a load of LOGS delivered and that’s better than CHRISTMAS to Ronald. What is it with men and logs?

My dear friend and little ghostly writer and I are working on another book about my adventures in our little village in Devon, to be published next year.

In the meantime Glenda has published a book of short stories which would be a great little stocking filler.

Yours Readily

Celia
p.s. ‘Celia Ladygarden and the Curious Curiosity’ is also available on Amazon

BRA SIZE, TOILETS & LANYARDS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, in the AIRPORT on our way to MARRAKECH at the DUTY FREE, purchasing a litre and a half of GIN and Veronica a litre and a half of VODKA; the assistant asked for my PASSPORT at the same time scratching her chest.
“My new BRA is really ITCHY” she said “do you know what I can do about it?”

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“It’s new so it has something called ‘SIZE’ in it. Wash it and it will be fine.”

“I knew you’d know what to do, thanks”

Really!

Veronica is causing a kerfuffle at the other till as she can’t find her PASSPORT.
“I’ve lost it” she panics whilst rummaging in her bag.
Dour assistant says “So, you don’t want this now then?” Holding up the VODKA.
“Of course I want it” snaps an exasperated Veronica.
I had a further rummage and quickly find her passport.
Big sigh from dour assistant “So you want it now do you?”

Emptying two bottles of water in the TOILETS and filling them at the sink with GIN/VODKA & TONIC someone came in.  So engrossed it took a while before we realised we were being watched. Giggling like naughty schoolgirls whilst concentrating on our pouring we told her about our clever wheeze.

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Arms folded over her LANDYARD and AIRPORT uniform, (which we’d just noticed) she admonishes us saying IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA and we have been seen on the CCTV!

Stuffing the bottles in our bags we made our escape and headed for the departure gate.

Yours Flyingly

Celia

p.s. More of Marrakech later

TOILET, TOOTHBRUSH & TESTINESS!

    TOILET, TOOTHBRUSH & TESTINESS!
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    “You don’t want to go to the TOILET before you go to bed do you” says Ronald last night waving a TOOTHBRUSH at me. “Only I’ve BLEACHED the toilet seat.”

    Firstly HE NEVER CLEANS THE TOILET!

    Secondly OF COURSE I NEED THE BL…Y TOILET BEFORE I GO TO BED!

    My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I am not a vindictive woman but…..

    Today I bought an ELECTRIC DOG HAIR CLIPPERS. Obviously I needed to TEST it out before I used it on dear little Roley so……

    I sat Ronald down in the garden and TESTED it out.

    Ronald now RESEMBLES A TOOTHBRUSH!

    Yours Satisfiedly

    Celia

TEA TOILETS AND TICKING

Yesterday my dear friend Veronica and I set off to visit a friend in hospital. We drove across the moors in beautiful sunshine and stopped at a pretty little market town for a forage, Veronica does love a forage. Walking from the car park past the rushing water-weir whilst beautiful, encouraged a pressure in the ladygarden area but not enough to entice us to use the public lavatory!.
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Entering the indoor market we chatted to a few of the stall holders and enjoyed looking at the lovely crafts on offer. I purchased some pretty buttons and ribbon and then we left to find a tea-rooms with a lavatory.

We located a lovely little tea-room with real ladies but unfortunately no room. “Come back in 10 minutes” one of the real ladies said, so we went for a rummage in the charity shop.

We also found a ladies dress shop with original, wearable and in lovely fabrics clothes for real women. We were offered coffee, how civilised, you don’ t get that in PRIMARK. Veronica tried on a CURELEAN BLUE tunic and fell in love, I do believe we may be taking a return trip for said tunic.

In the lovely tea-rooms the lovely real ladies brought us a pot of tea and whilst waiting for lunch Veronica ventured to the lavatory, unfortunately an elderly gentleman arrived there first. I was relieved that Veronica went in after him and I was able to follow her. It was a real lavatory with a proper flush, real soap and paper hand towels, I can’t be doing with those machines that blow you off.

I was seated in the waiting room of the heart ward in the hospital whilst Veronica visited. Sat opposite an elderly gentleman in a peaked cap and overcoat even though it was about 75 degrees, his son and daughter-in-law and next to me a gentleman of about 45. The elderly gentleman went through a list of all the hospitals he had been in and some of the various operations, he then pointed to himself and said ” this blood isn’t mine you know, oh no, 26 pints I,ve had of someone else,s” ?

The 45 year old then said “I had a new valve fitted and it clicks” .

Old man, “I’ve got one of them”.

45 years old “they told me not to smoke, but I did, now all my valves are blocked up”

Son ” do you still smoke?”

45 year old ” I’ve got one of those electric cigarettes”

Old man, “I’ve got one of those (banging his chest)

Son, ” no you haven’t dad

Old man,” yes I have”

Son, ” he’s talking about an electric cigarette”

Old man, ” I knew that”

Three sets of eyes then locked on me, “are you having a heart op”?

“Not me, keep away from the healing hands”.

We stopped on the moor on the way home and ate the delicious almond and cherry tart dessert that the lovely ladies in the tea-room had put in a box for us.

Yours stickily

Celia

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