HAVE A CUP OF CHA! – It’s National Tea Day

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman here in dear old BLIGHTY it is NATIONAL TEA DAY, so I invite you all to SHARE A CUP OF TEA with me.

TEA is consolation when you are grieving.

TEA is sharing laughter and fun with your friends.

TEA makes you feel better when nothing else works.

TEA is refreshing when it’s hot.

TEA is warming when it’s cold.

TEA comes in many guises.

TEA should be FAIR TRADE.

TEA who doesn’t love a cuppa?

This is a picture of my lovely mum and her lovely sister taking tea in the garden in the 1950’s

Just a normal tea for them but look at the teapot, hot water jug, bone-china teacups and saucers, plates of triangled bread and butter,  jam in a dish, sliced homemade cake and a proper tablecloth pegged to the table.

So much better than a teabag in a mug.














Yours Tea-ily,




My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, life is funny. This morning I went into town to meet my dear friend Veronica.

Walking along the street from her cottage we came across a small fold up OAK CHAIR, a plastic CAT BASKET and a GNOME. All outside of a cottage with the front door open and inside a gentleman sat in an ARMCHAIR, with a mug of TEA, a small ELECTRIC FIRE and the RACING POST.

Whilst we were FERRETING in the CHARITY shop a lady came in and said to the young man “you gave me a cuddle yesterday, so I’ve come back in for another one”.

We then shared a rather tasty COFFEE AND WALNUT cake and cup of COFFEE before walking back, when we came across an UNEXPECTED CUCUMBER sat on a doorstep.

If there had been accompanying SALAD that would have been fine but a LONE CUCUMBER!

Yours Suspiciously


What fun my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I have been spending a few days in the COTSWOLDS, with my lovely daughter-in-law and son.

On Friday we attended a SPRING FAYRE in the garden of a very lovely lady, who opened her home and garden for the event in aid of the local CHURCH.

What a lot of YUMMY-MUMMYS and how LOVELY, GLOSSY and BEAUTIFULLY dressed they were. Tripping about amongst the flowers and over the miniature MOAT. Dangling their ROSY-CHEEKED babies and watching their DARLING CHILDREN chase amongst the DAISYS.

PONY-RIDES, name the twin LAMBS and a RAFFLE plus a lovely lunch or TEA and CAKES were on offer, all whilst the SUN was thankfully shining.

Enjoying a lively chat on the lawn with some of the LOVELY LADIES, whilst waiting for the RAFFLE to be drawn, I heard the magic words “I THINK IT’S WINE O’CLOCK” , as WINE GLASSES, ICE-CUBES and WINE appeared. It was only 3 O’Clock perfect.

Yours Springily



BALLCOCKS & COCONUTS that my dear ladies and occasional gentleman is not something you hear in every day conversation. But I was at my monthly CRAFTING CLUB casually knitting the sleeve of my daughter-in-Law’s jacket when the subject came up.

You see we are planning to hold a Traditional Fete in the summer with all those great games; COCONUT SHY, CROCKERY SMASHING, WELLY WANGING, TUG-O-WAR etc. BUT we don’t have any money, we are trying to raise it, to buy a new STAGE for our VILLAGE HALL.

So dear Gwendoline who has a reputation for TOOL HANDLING has kindly offered to make the COCONUT SHY. Trying to construct the CUPS, Gwendoline has tested various items but without success.

This afternoon whilst sipping TEA and slip one knit one, it came to me BALLCOCKS! If you cut them in half they would make ideal cups for the COCONUTS and Gwendoline can MOUNT them, which I am sure she will enjoy!

She went straight home and produced this

Gwendoline is now STALKING the village PLUMBER as she tries to get her hands on his BALLCOCKS!

Yours Fetely




How bold am I this afternoon? As you will see I have attached a video for your perusal. Now I want you to keep it to yourselves as it is a video of my dear sister Joan. I am only showing you because she is off with her new husband PACO, who wears immaculate white linen suits and treats her like a GODDESS, on a jolly to the MALDIVES.

Sadly her first husband was a dissappointment and she didn’t discover his STRING-VEST until the HONEYMOON. Being a lady the first time she saw him undressed was on their wedding night. Oh he was a trial, how my dear sister put up with it I don’t know, she was a MARTYR.

She would lay out her LADYLIKE TEA of an afternoon, the same as I’m sure you my dear ladies and the occasional gentleman do; A pot of tea, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and a lovely VICTORIA SPONGE. Occasionaly she would make some super EGG sandwiches from a recipe that our dear QUEEN slipped me after a MAUNDAY THURSDAY service. But not a bite would pass HIS LIPS, HE WOULD DEMAND FISH-PASTE DOORSTEP sandwiches and a piece of SHOP-BOUGHT BATTENBERG, with a 2 litre bottle of CIDER. How could any lady put up with that for long and I am not even going to mention his personal habits!

Anyway that is all in the past and I am still fretting about what to serve Veronica for lunch tomorrow!

Yours Frettingly



Yesterday my dear friend Veronica and I set off to visit a friend in hospital. We drove across the moors in beautiful sunshine and stopped at a pretty little market town for a forage, Veronica does love a forage. Walking from the car park past the rushing water-weir whilst beautiful, encouraged a pressure in the ladygarden area but not enough to entice us to use the public lavatory!.
Entering the indoor market we chatted to a few of the stall holders and enjoyed looking at the lovely crafts on offer. I purchased some pretty buttons and ribbon and then we left to find a tea-rooms with a lavatory.

We located a lovely little tea-room with real ladies but unfortunately no room. “Come back in 10 minutes” one of the real ladies said, so we went for a rummage in the charity shop.

We also found a ladies dress shop with original, wearable and in lovely fabrics clothes for real women. We were offered coffee, how civilised, you don’ t get that in PRIMARK. Veronica tried on a CURELEAN BLUE tunic and fell in love, I do believe we may be taking a return trip for said tunic.

In the lovely tea-rooms the lovely real ladies brought us a pot of tea and whilst waiting for lunch Veronica ventured to the lavatory, unfortunately an elderly gentleman arrived there first. I was relieved that Veronica went in after him and I was able to follow her. It was a real lavatory with a proper flush, real soap and paper hand towels, I can’t be doing with those machines that blow you off.

I was seated in the waiting room of the heart ward in the hospital whilst Veronica visited. Sat opposite an elderly gentleman in a peaked cap and overcoat even though it was about 75 degrees, his son and daughter-in-law and next to me a gentleman of about 45. The elderly gentleman went through a list of all the hospitals he had been in and some of the various operations, he then pointed to himself and said ” this blood isn’t mine you know, oh no, 26 pints I,ve had of someone else,s” ?

The 45 year old then said “I had a new valve fitted and it clicks” .

Old man, “I’ve got one of them”.

45 years old “they told me not to smoke, but I did, now all my valves are blocked up”

Son ” do you still smoke?”

45 year old ” I’ve got one of those electric cigarettes”

Old man, “I’ve got one of those (banging his chest)

Son, ” no you haven’t dad

Old man,” yes I have”

Son, ” he’s talking about an electric cigarette”

Old man, ” I knew that”

Three sets of eyes then locked on me, “are you having a heart op”?

“Not me, keep away from the healing hands”.

We stopped on the moor on the way home and ate the delicious almond and cherry tart dessert that the lovely ladies in the tea-room had put in a box for us.

Yours stickily


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To get back to Valerie. You won’t know Valerie but I expect you remember Blue John Captain of the cricket club. He’s had many a maiden –over behind the pavilion; whilst his poor wife Eileen is rushed off her feet providing high quality teas. My mother told me “never trust a hirsute man” and he has hair on every surface. We all know the sort of DVD collection he’s got in his shed pure SMUT! At least I know that all Ronald’s got in his shed is a packet of chocolate hobnobs and The Caravan Monthly!

 He brought Valerie back from a business trip to Thailand. Apparently he met her over drinks in ‘The Pink Lotus Pleasure House’. Poor Eileen is devastated. Blue John insists she’s a long lost cousin. The only resemblance I can see is that they are both over 6’ and sport a 5 o’clock shadow. She wears more make-up than Carol Vordeman and you wouldn’t credit the size of her feet. She’ll do all right in the Debenhams sales there’s always large sizes left. Anyway she wore a Tahitian grass skirt, two coconuts and tried to pass off a Co-Op Chicken Kiev as a Poulet Fafa . Is it any wonder I was queasy

Yours Queasily



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