A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so
As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.
The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.
I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.
For Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg
For Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y
Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.
Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside
WARNING! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman please heed this WARNING for your own SAFETY. I have been suffering for the last two weeks with CATARRHH, I now know how the VIKINGS felt with their STEEL HELMETS because I am wearing one.
Having searched online for a remedy I found one that I tried this morning. The recommendation was to put some DECONGESTANT VAPOUR RUB on the floor of the shower and the hot water would send the fumes nose-ward, clearing ones head. Great idea, being clever I thought it would be easier to smear a lump on my foot and then when I was in the shower I spread it over the floor. Mmm I could smell it already.
This is when it all went WRONG! You could have used my shower floor to host the ICE-DANCING CHAMPIONSHIPS. Barely managing to stay on my feet I managed by doing the splits to WEDGE each foot painfully against the two sides and clinging on to the shower itself keep upright. From this PERILOUS position My next bad idea was to wash my hair thinking that the foam would wash the vapour rub away forgetting that I still had a wedge of the stuff on the one hand I could use. It certainly dissolved, running down my face and into my eyes, IT STUNG!
Trying to shave my legs when they were stretched as far as they could without SPLITTING MY DIFFERENCE was hit and miss. I’d had enough but how to get out? If I let go of the shower workings I’d slip faster than a JELLIED EEL! The only thing for it was to crawl out on hands and knees.
This was NOT a relaxing shower and I had to clean the stuff off the floor afterwards.
So please don’t try this REMEDY but if any of you have a SAFE REMEDY FOR CATARRHH please share it with me.