HAVE YOU EVER PAID £60 FOR A PAIR OF ODD SHOES? RONALD HAS!

Have you ever paid £60 for a pair of ODD SHOES  my dear ladies and occasional gentleman? Ronald has!

We were spending a DELIGHTFUL weekend away in OXFORD when we discovered a SKECHERS shop in WESTGATE. Great, Ronald’s last PAIR are almost hanging off his feet.

We bought FOUR pairs.

A PAIR for me, a PAIR for our little granddaughter and TWO PAIRS for Ronald.

Or SO we THOUGHT.

Home in NORTH DEVON Ronald DISCOVERED one of his ‘PAIRS’ of shoes was a SIZE 7 1/2 and one a size 8 1/2.

I phoned the SHOP, they PROMISED the MANAGER would ring me back. HE DIDN’T. I had to RING again.

Unfortunately THE PRIORITY for the SKECHERS shop was to get THEIR shoe back, MY PRIORITY as I pointed out to the young lady on the phone, was  getting  RONALD’S SHOE.

She suggested I take the shoe into their EXETER shop a round trip of eighty miles. I pointed out that apart from the time, petrol and parking Ronald would still only have ONE SHOE. 

The next suggestion was for me to POST THE SHOE  with my RECEIPT and when it arrived they would post RONALD’S SHOE.

After TWO telephone calls to the shop, TWO to head office,  FINALLY the shop manager did eventually call me.

A WEEK later Ronald still has ODD SHOES.

WARNING! When you buy SKECHERS check the sizes before you leave the shop.

The ASHMOLEAN MUSEUM is wonderful, do visit if you are in OXFORD. 

Yours Cobberly

Celia

A PLETHORA OF CHOPPERS!

A PLETHORA OF CHOPPERS? Whatever  can she mean, I hear you ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

Well my dear friend Theresa and I went to a nearby market town for a little jaunt. Being market day there was plenty to see and imagine our surprise when we came across a PLETHORA of CHOPPERS.

This was very pertinent, for as you may remember we have a new WOODBURNER. Little did I know about the accessories Ronald seems to need for something that was meant to save us money.

He’s hankering for a new CHOPPER but not just any old chopper but one that has a SPECIAL head, one that splits logs.

Theresa who can spot a CHOPPER at 3 miles, found the perfect one amongst the many but unfortunately when she went to lift it, found that it wasn’t quite right.

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“It’s a bit heavy and too short for Ronald” she said “He’s used to a longer one.”

I bow to her superior knowledge.

Yours Choppily

Celia

SLOW COOKING!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, we have purchased a SLOW COOKER. Little did I know how SLOW it would be.

Ronald was infused with DESIRE to create a meal from his SLOW COOK, COOK BOOK, a gift for his birthday from our son and daughter-in-law.

He chose a BEEF HOTPOT for his first CULINARY ADVENTURE and carefully scribed a shopping list before heading off to the shops.

He started preparing at 12.30. At about 4.30 pm there was a HAPPY EJACULATION as he thought he had finished preparing the vegetables. Followed by a WILTING as he realized he had forgotten the potatoes.

  
This was when the RED WINE came out which helped him slice through to 6.00 pm when he was ready for SWITCH ON!

We ate our BEEF HOTPOT the next day and it was DELICIOUS.

SLOW COOKERS,  on the DOWNSIDE you must plan ahead, on the UPSIDE the food is DELICIOUS and it keeps ones husband OCCUPIED for  5 + hours.

Yours Yummily

Celia

MANAGER OF PYJAMAS

MANAGER OF PYJAMAS

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Yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, there is such a thing.
Overheard whilst I was divesting myself of my clothing and wishing I hadn’t worn tight DENIM JEGGINGS which were now around my ankles like two TOURNIQUETS. Beginning to panic as I failed to remove the things and wishing I had used a disabled changing room with a seat. And yes I was in a changing room, not STRIPPING OFF in the middle of the store, when I overhead a telephone conversation between a customer and a staff member.

“Just hold on a moment and I will fetch the MANAGER OF NIGHTWEAR”
“Hello, I’m the MANAGER OF NIGHTWEAR how can I help you?”
“I’m very sorry, I can’t answer your question, you need the MANAGER OF PYJAMAS.”

Who knew this was a career option?

Yours Jeggingly

Celia

HELLO KITTY! MARRAKECH!

HELLO KITTY! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, don’t we just love our PUSSIES? I know I do and it appears our MORROCAN  Ladies do too.

My dear friend  Veronica and our FANNY friend and I decided to explore THE MEDINA and SOUK and do a little SHOPPING.

Stepping out of the PEACE and CALM of the RIAD you are showered with  an EXPLOSION of SENSES and it took a while for my little brain to sort them out. A MYRIAD of SMELLS some going straight to the RECYCLING BIN, others not unpleasant but unknown I filed for later, others, the herbs and spices I wallowed in like a PIG in MUD.

A CACOPHONY of sound assaults your EARS and your EYES are engaged in keeping you alive as you dodge MOTORCYCLES, DONKEYS, BICYCLES, CATS and PEOPLE, through the bustling maze.

The charming ladies of MARRAKECH favour a TRADITIONAL DJELLABA with a TWIST. There is a PENCHANT for LEOPARD PRINT and one admirable lady sported a full-length DJELLABA FLEECE with      ‘HELLO KITTY’ On the back in PINK SPARKLES. I do admire individuality.

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There are some very HANDSOME fellows who entice you into their shops and they all offer ‘BEST PRICE’. It is traditional to HAGGLE and Don’t we just love a bit of HAGGLING especially with a nice young man.

The answer is yes we do but poor old Veronica got in a right old state “why don’t they just put the  price on?” She GRUMBLED OFTEN! (Have I mentioned this is a DRY country? I think she was suffering withdrawal symptoms) We all had such fun, HAGGLING and BUYING except Veronica, she finally plucked up COURAGE when she fell in love with a POUFFE.

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You should have seen her trying to squeeze that into her HAND-LUGGAGE!

I met a very handsome young man in the famous JEMAA EL FNA SQUARE he called out and asked me if I came from London, what a SILLY BILLY. I thought “here’s a young man who could BENEFIT from a MATURE WOMAN with EXPERIENCE”. So I told him I was from THE WEST COUNTRY and taught him all about CORNISH PASTIES!

An hour later passing him again some distance away I observed him calling out “CORNISH PASTIES!” to startled TOURISTS.

Yours Hagglingly

Celia

NEVER ASSUME

I have fallen out with my dear friend Veronica.

She asked Ronald to come around and LOOK at her CRACK!

I was SHOCKED and took UMBRIDGE to this BOLD INTIMATE request, what a HUSSY!

I thought she was my friend and a LADY!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I tell you this SAD tale as a warning.

NEVER ASSUME!

It turns out, she was DECORATING and had a CRACK in the plastered wall for which she wanted advice on how to deal with it.

Yours Embarrassedly

Celia

Dear Celia, I have just found Ronald’s knob in my car. I think it fell off the rail I borrowed yesterday. I am now tackling my crack. I am ‘doing it myself’! Ronald said to gouge and fill. Yours Veronica

CRAB’S ANYONE?

CRABS ANYONE?

CRABS ANYONE?

CRABS ANYONE? Pocohontas, Little Nanook and hirsute Roley inspect their catch.

An extremely viscious crustacean, cross at being hauled out of the sea once again by little people and their enticing bacon bits. Having previously been caught and suffered loss of limbs by an unknown assailant; it wasn’t best pleased to repeat the experience and with thoughts of crab sandwiches in it’s head, demonstrated this by a malevolent snap with a resultant cut to Little Nanook’s index finger.

Pocohontas & Little Nanook decided to return said crusty and proceeded WITHOUT caution down the slippery slipway to the sea. Pocohontas acting like Dangerous Doris went even further down some crumbling steps giving me heart palpitations and a desperate need for the ‘Ladies’.

Little Nanook sensibly decided he would remain at a safer position and crusty could take his chances and he spun around flinging the creature at high velocity from the bucket in a perfect arc and rapidly dropping the few feet or so back to his watery home.

Picnicking on fresh cod & chips with lashings of salt & vinegar eaten straight from the paper, whilst looking out at the yachts sailing past. The perfect end to the summer holidays.

Yours Crabbily

Celia