My dear ladies and occasional gentleman it is now 16 DAYS since SKECHERS SOLD Ronald an ODD PAIR OF SHOES.
The shop we purchased them from SKECHERS WESTGATE, OXFORD have still not sent the correct shoe.
SKECHERS UK suggested I email CUSTOMER SERVICES, which I did on the 4 April, NO RESPONSE (except to acknowledge receipt of email and tell me I now have a ticket!)
SADLY I think they DON’T CARE about Ronald having a £59 ODD PAIR OF SHOES
Interestingly SKECHERS have responded in 1 MINUTE to my new TWEET today, saying that CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS will get to my EMAIL or I could RING THEM.
They must have a lot of complaint emails if they still haven’t reached mine.
I pointed out that I have PHONED the SHOP THREE TIMES, HEAD OFFICE TWICE, I think it’s TIME they PHONED ME.
Of course in the OLD DAYS the SHOP would have POSTED THE SHOE with a PREPAID LABEL for me to send the ODD SHOE back, as I suggested to the MANAGER
Instead there are TWEETS, EMAILS, FACEBOOK & BLOGS but NO SHOE!
A HEN DO A’ DO NOT A COCK A’ DOODLE DO.
Yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman a first for me the modern ‘Hen Do’. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was very pleased to be asked by the BRIDE TO BE a very charming young lady called Minoa.
We gathered in her mothers house a mix of LONG-LEGGED young ladies, beautifully dressed balancing on spindly heels and a few mature ladies in flip flops and sandals.
The bride was crowned with a TIARA and VEIL with the most unusual patterned lace TWO ROUND buildings either side of a TALL one and then was given a similar shaped sceptre in lurid pink to match.
Pinning on our hen badges we mounted the MINI BUS, much to the drivers consternation.The very organized M.O.T.B. asked a round of riddles, what larks. After my 3rd miniature bottle of something that tasted of FRUITY COUGH MIXTURE with VODKA. I realised that there was a penalty for not only getting the answer wrong but getting it right as well!
It was a bouncy ride between the various PUBLIC HOUSES, drinking SEX ON THE BEACH dished out from a large THERMOS FLASK in the middle of the aisle.
A delightful young lady called Emilia a fellow gin drinker told me her breasts were kept in place with sticky tape to avoid unseemly BRASSIERE straps. (Handy tip)
We played some intimate and hilarious games with balloons, here is a picture of the bride.
It was a fun packed 8 HOURS and I discovered that with the odd PIT STOP for sustenance I can consume a rather large amount of GIN and stay upright. Although I wouldn’t want to do it every week.
Dear Minoa assured me that even though her and her fiancé were living together they had SEPARATE bedrooms until after their marriage.
I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. After all, you wouldn’t buy a TOOL before checking out its suitability for the job!
Yours Hen Peckedily
SARTORIAL ELEGANCE OR PRACTICALITY? My dear ladies and occasional gentleman how MILD it is. Here we are on the 16th of December and our temperatures are in double figures, the summer FLOWERS are still BLOOMING, the BULBS are coming up and Ronald is still wearing pale LINEN trousers and CANVAS shoes.
But really are they practical attire or footwear for walking hirsute Roley? After all we have received a goodly amount of rain.
As you can see I have chosen traditional PROTECTION as my mother drummed into me “never rely on a man for PROTECTION!”
How impressive Ronald is striding along SARTORIALY ELEGANT through MUD and S..T.
We even saw our first BABY LAMB, how exciting.
On our return Hirsute Roley, slipped his ELF SLIPPERS on and cuddled up.
HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence.
As you can see Ronald and I have been KNIGHTED by my dear friend HER MAJ whilst on a little ladylike break in WELSH WALES.
It’s LORD AND LADY CELIAGARDEN now, I know all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman will be thrilled for us.
I’ve just to calm Ronald down, he’s online as we speak hunting for ERMINE and HIGH HEELED SHOES WITH A BUCKLE ON.
More on mine and Veronica’s MARRAKECH adventure soon.