My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was absent yesterday as I went to a SPA with my daughter, Morello and my dear friends, Veronica and Karena. What larks!

Of course I had to drag Veronica away from her ‘FORAGING’ which is probably just as well as she has been getting into some TIGHT-SPOTS recently. She was nearly caught out when foraging in Mr Spicer’s shed. She had just got her hands on Mr Spicer’s ‘WILJAS’ when Mrs Spicer turned up with Mr Spicer’s CHEESE & PICKLE SANDWICHES with the crusts cut off on a count of his wobbly dentures.

Veronica had to squeeze herself into a space between a HORI HORI KNIFE and a RABBITING SPADE, throwing a potato sack over her head! I have told her for her own safety to stick too HEDGEROWS and WOODS. I wouldn’t fancy her chances against Mrs Spicer she has a BLACK-BELT IN JU JITSU!

I’ve gone off PISTE now, haven’t I? That’s the trouble with Veronica, she always takes you places you do not want to go!

I think I’ll tell you about THE SPA tomorrow.

Yours Harrassedly




Oh my lord, how many instructions and discussions does it take to BAKE  TWO JACKET POTATOS?

On my way home yesterday afternoon, I popped into LIDLS and bought two large POTATOS, a bar of SWISS CHOCOLATE (they don’t sell MALTESERS) and a bottle of WINE. A nice easy supper I thought and I expect you my lovely ladies and occassional gentleman, thought the same.

That is until Ronald decided to cook said potatos.

It started well.

“I’ve scrubbed the potatos and PRICKED them, now what tin shall I use?” said Ronald, holding out his new square pan with ridges and his round pan

“The round one”

Five minutes later. “I’ve put them in the oven and set the timer for 30 minutes”

“Well done”

“After 30 minutes I’ll turn them over”


“When I’ve turned them over, I’ll put them on again for 30 minutes”

“Tthey will take quite a while”

“Yes perhaps I’ll check them now they’ve been on for 20 minutes”


“No they’re still hard”


“Alarms gone off, I’ll turn them over”


“I’ve turned them over, I’ll put the alarm on for 30 minutes”


“They’re getting softer”


“Everythings ready, just waiting for the potatos”


“They’ll be ready in about 17 minutes to put the oil on”


“I’m putting the olive oil on now”


Ten minutes later “Here we are all ready” Ronald places potatos on the table.

“Are you sure they are ready? You have only just put the oil on.

“Yes” confidently

I sit, I cut through the SOFT skin, oh-oh, they are hard in the middle and I don’t know about you but that is why I put OLIVE OIL on my potatoes because it makes them crispy on the outside not SOGGY! 

“Ronald you have no patience, you just have to put the potatos in the oven and forget about them”

“Well mine are fine, I’m hungry” Ronald eats his potato, casting moody glances at me, whilst I wait for mine to finish cooking in the oven.

It’s tough being a CHEF.

Ronald’s still in a huff and his new CERAMIC PANS haven’t arrived yet.

Yours Hungrily








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