MOUSES MAYHEM & MUSINGS, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman what a day it has been and it’s only 4.0’clock!
I had planned a full day of WRITING, interspersed with homemade SOUP and followed by a PANTOMIME rehearsal this evening.
Instead I heard a whoosh and DISCOVERED WATER from the DISHWASHER pouring into the cupboard under the sink.
At the same time I DISCOVERED MOUSE DROPPINGS under the sink.
Ronald DISCOVERED a MOUSE had chewed a HOLE in the DISHWASHER pipe.
Ronald went to buy a new pipe for the DISHWASHER.
I walked the two FURBABIES in the SNOW. We were about 2/3rds of the way around the village when the LEAD broke on our new little RESCUE Polly.
Polly was rescued from a PUPPY FARM and has LOTS to LEARN, like her NAME, RECALL, SIT, etc, at present her DEFAULT walk is to KEEP GOING.
The good news is POLLY is SAFE, DISHWASHER is WORKING, WATER mopped up, DROPPINGS cleared.
I’m TEMPTED to put some CHEESE down, I’d prefer they ate that next time.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as you can see I have a large piece of MATERIAL which I have to transform into a 1920’s style DAME’S DRESS.
You will also note the lovely BLONDE 1920’s STYLE WIG, which arrived via our lovely POSTIE this morning.
I ORDERED A GINGER WIG!!!
Not sure I am in the mood now.
The glass of wine might help.
Perhaps another glass?
Yesh! Now where are thooshe she… sheearrrr.. scissssssssorrr………
p.s. Musht remmmmeb the Lilac Tasshle
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, we are well into our pantomime rehearsals and it is going well and definitely coming together. The cast have cast aside their scripts and are beginning to act onstage as well as off.
Here is a picture of the last maid’s apron I have just finished and a smoking cap made out of a waistcoat. The cap is awaiting a large tassel, not easy to find are they ladies? I need to get my dear friend Veronica the famous forager to seek one out, she has a thing about tassels.
So my dear ladies and occasional gentleman I shout, A TASSEL, A TASSEL, MY KINGDOM FOR A TASSEL.
Hirsute Roley is looking for the helicopter that just circled the garden.
IT’S BEHIND YOU ROLEY!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, does ABSENCE MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER? I hope so as I have been sadly neglecting you but in my defense I have been rather busy.
1. Writing the village PANTOMIME ready to cast in December. (I am up to the interval, so ‘head down’ as Ronald often tells me.) To clarify for my COLONIAL friends, a PANTOMIME is a show where the men dress up as women the women dress up as men, someone dresses up as an animal, the dialogue is full of INNUENDO and DOUBLE ENTENDRES there is singing and dancing and general hilarity.
2. I have been concentrating on writing my book.
3. I have been watching STRICTLY COME DANCING (this year the women are more covered up and I’m pleased to say the men are not!)
4. I have been KNITTING and SEWING for the VILLAGE ANNUAL SHOW.
5. Ronald and I had to make a mercy dash to WAITROSE as my dear friend Veronica the well known and famous FORRAGER, was hosting an event and had forgotten her SHAGGY INK-CAPS. We didn’t have much time so we popped into the CO-OP and bought some CHESTNUT MUSHROOMS reduced becuse they were past their sell-by date.They were a bit bruised so looked a bit inky.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, please look away if this picture offends you but this is a pair of rather lovely LA PERLA silk FRENCH KNICKERS and I am sure we can all enjoy the beautiful design and fine quality.
I mention them here because an incident occurred when one of my pantomime cast POPPED IN to show me her costume which she then POPPED OUT of!
If flipping the DRESS top up and down revealing her BLACK BRASSIERE wasn’t enough she then proceeded to bend over and flash her FRENCH KNICKERS asking if this was OK.
Poor Ronald hadn’t been expecting this, he had just sat down with a cup of COFFEE and a GINGER NUT to watch the news.
He hasn’t been the same since and he has woken me up a few times in the night muttering FRENCH KNICKERS.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.
What FESTIVE FUN AND FROLICS Ronald and I have enjoyed throughout the advent season; that may have been because A lot of it was spent separately. I dimly remember putting the WORLD to rights (well I hope that’s all I did) after a few gins with the CHEF, the ENGINEER and the UNDERTAKER at our local CLUB.
I am now up to my DOUBLE ENTENDRES in DIRECTING the PARISH PANTOMIME. Oh no your not -oh yes I am. ( I apologise to my colonial readers who struggle to understand the concept).
Practicing THE CAN-CAN and the PONCHO.
I think I’m having some sort of CRISIS, I am knitting a PONCHO!
When I mentioned it to my dear friend Veronica she said ” I like a poncho as long as you don’t look like CLINT EASTWOOD”.
Yours Go Ahead and Make My Dayedly
FALLING OVER JUICE, DAD’S FROCK & MY HOOCHIE -COOCHIE
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence, I only hope as the saying goes ‘ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER”.
In my defense I have been up to my HOOCHIE-COOCHIE in the pantomime. “OH NO YOU HAVEN’T!” “OH YES I HAVE!”.
We start at 6.00 putting on the MAKE-UP and there is nearly always a RUGBY SCRUM between the men as to who gets in the MAKE-UP CHAIR first. What is it with men and make-up, it is always the same whatever production I am in or DIRECTING.
TO be perfectly honest we all love the DRESSING-UP, the make-up and becoming a different character but the men just cannot wait to put a FROCK AND MAKE-UP on and heaven forbid you try and put a different eyeshadow colour on them!
It makes for some interesting conversations such as “Chloe if you bring your DAD’S FROCK up I can do the alterations”. “Stuart, you have BLUE EYESHADOW or PINK ?”
They are an amazing bunch of people and their AGES RANGE FROM 4 YEARS OLD TO 90 YEARS OLD. It is a joy to watch them come together over the 7 weeks of rehearsals bonding into this enthusiastic cast. They support and help each other and we all have so much FUN which is a commodity worth its wait in gold. A great VILLAGE EVENT and we have our last performance this evening.
There is a quantity of ‘FALLING OVER” juice consumed throughout the week’s run (only by the adults of course) so next week I shall be ABSTAINING. This may make me a little GRUMPY so I apologise in advance if I am a little ACERBIC.