VERONICA’S TASSELS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I have heard it is quite common to have FLASHBACKS after a TRAUMA. And although it has been quite some time since I was in the wonderful city of MARRAKECH in MOROCCO along with the joyful memories are a few traumatic ones. (I am sure you will all remember the rock that attacked my toe in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS which has now dropped off) My dear friend Veronica and I shared a beautiful en-suite bedroom in the RIAD ANYSSATES and one morning as usual I was up first, showered and dressed before Veronica even stirred. image If it wasn’t TRAUMATICALLY FUNNY enough to witness the WILD-HEADED Veronica emerge from the CONVOLUTED, TORTUOUS heap in the bed every morning, imagine my HYSTERICS when putting my make-up on using the large wall mirror a VISION of Veronica appeared in her BRA and with a large BLUE TASSEL SWINGING JAUNTILY from her KNICKER-LEG!

Yours Tassely

Celia

p.s. I apologise on Veronicas behalf Nicholas as on her return to the UK and unpacking her suitcase a TASSEL emerged that may well belong to your amazing Riad. I am very concerned Veronica may have acquired a FETISH and TASSELS are not a good look on a middle-aged woman out FORAGING.

HELLO KITTY! MARRAKECH!

HELLO KITTY! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, don’t we just love our PUSSIES? I know I do and it appears our MORROCAN  Ladies do too.

My dear friend  Veronica and our FANNY friend and I decided to explore THE MEDINA and SOUK and do a little SHOPPING.

Stepping out of the PEACE and CALM of the RIAD you are showered with  an EXPLOSION of SENSES and it took a while for my little brain to sort them out. A MYRIAD of SMELLS some going straight to the RECYCLING BIN, others not unpleasant but unknown I filed for later, others, the herbs and spices I wallowed in like a PIG in MUD.

A CACOPHONY of sound assaults your EARS and your EYES are engaged in keeping you alive as you dodge MOTORCYCLES, DONKEYS, BICYCLES, CATS and PEOPLE, through the bustling maze.

The charming ladies of MARRAKECH favour a TRADITIONAL DJELLABA with a TWIST. There is a PENCHANT for LEOPARD PRINT and one admirable lady sported a full-length DJELLABA FLEECE with      ‘HELLO KITTY’ On the back in PINK SPARKLES. I do admire individuality.

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There are some very HANDSOME fellows who entice you into their shops and they all offer ‘BEST PRICE’. It is traditional to HAGGLE and Don’t we just love a bit of HAGGLING especially with a nice young man.

The answer is yes we do but poor old Veronica got in a right old state “why don’t they just put the  price on?” She GRUMBLED OFTEN! (Have I mentioned this is a DRY country? I think she was suffering withdrawal symptoms) We all had such fun, HAGGLING and BUYING except Veronica, she finally plucked up COURAGE when she fell in love with a POUFFE.

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You should have seen her trying to squeeze that into her HAND-LUGGAGE!

I met a very handsome young man in the famous JEMAA EL FNA SQUARE he called out and asked me if I came from London, what a SILLY BILLY. I thought “here’s a young man who could BENEFIT from a MATURE WOMAN with EXPERIENCE”. So I told him I was from THE WEST COUNTRY and taught him all about CORNISH PASTIES!

An hour later passing him again some distance away I observed him calling out “CORNISH PASTIES!” to startled TOURISTS.

Yours Hagglingly

Celia

WHO DOESN’T LIKE A BIT OF LONG TALL GAUL?

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, who doesn’t like a bit of long tall Gaul?imageimage

No-one I hear you cry, so let me introduce you to NICHOLAS our host at the RIAD ANYSSATES.  Apart from being all PARISIAN and GORGEOUS  nothing is too much trouble, he dimageefinitely knows how to look after us LADIES!

His wonderful staff, FATIMA and the LADIES and especially dear MOHAMMED and all.

What is there not to like about PANCAKES and CAKE for breakfast?

Tempered by FRESH FRUIT,  YOGHURT, TOAST TEA and COFFEE.

If your stay coincides with my dear friend Veronica BEWARE! You’ll never know what you might find on your breakfast table, she does love a bit of FORAGING and will have been into all sorts of NOOKS and CRANNIES up the SOUK!

Yours Gaulingly

Celia

http://www.riadanyssates.com

WHIFF OF SUSPICIOUS APPLES & BLADDERS!

WHIFF OF SUSPICIOUS APPLES & BLADDERS!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, at the AIRPORT near the front of the queue we were soon standing in front of SECURITY. He was not in a hurry, taking ages checking me, my passport at his screen but that was nothing compared to how long he took with Veronica! She gets so flustered when encountering a man in UNIFORM, she has the WHIFF OF SUSPICION about her.

We were the last 2 passengers. There was relief on our taxi driver’s face then a beaming smile as he realised he hadn’t lost us. In the posh TAXI we shot out into the traffic with the driver pointing out with pride the 1000 year old MOSQUE in the dark.

Once in the MEDINA wiggling our way through people, animals and bikes, we came to a stop when the car could squeeze through no further.We alighted and the driver took our cases and strode off into the hustle and bustle with us trying to keep up with him. Through alleys, twisting and turning not having a clue where we were or where we were going.

“There’s a lot of trust going on here but a man who provides polished APPLES in NAPKINS in the back of his taxi must be OK mustn’t he?” I said to Veronica over the head of a DONKEY as we trotted along trying to keep up with our luggage.

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“Remember SNOW WHITE and the POISONED APPLE!” Says Veronica.

Which gave us slightly HYSTERICAL giggles, which had an unfortunate effect on Veronica’s BLADDER.

Let’s hope we have time to change before the party!

Yours Mazedly

Celia

SMILE WARMS THE HEART OF THE LADYGARDEN

SMILE WARMS THE HEART OF THE LADYGARDEN.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, WE HAVE LANDED.

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Isn’t it the most enjoyable sensation when you step out of the plane at the airport onto that top step to the warmth, exotic smells and sounds?

And isn’t it an enjoyable sensation when your eyes lock on to an extraordinarily HANDSOME young airport official at the bottom of the steps.

And isn’t it an enjoyable sensation when he runs up the steps, gives me a gorgeous smile and carries my case down for me.

And isn’t it an enjoyable sensation to look back at my dear friend Veronica’s face as she lugs her case down the steps behind me.

Yours Smugly

Celia

THE MARRAKECH EXPRESS!

imageTHE MARRAKECH EXPRESS AKA EASYJET

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, you will be pleased to know that my dear friend Veronica and I made it onto the MARRAKECH EXPRESS or EASYJET FLIGHT 6021, with our ‘WATER BOTTLES’ intact.

We were lucky enough to be seated next to a delightful lady J who gave us useful advice for our stay; she and her partner are restoring a RIAD and we hope to keep in touch.

Veronica was on the AISLE seat in order to stretch her legs but unfortunately there was a group of people who thought it was a good idea to stand and chat in the aisle for virtually the WHOLE FLIGHT!  One of whom stuck her BOTTOM next to Veronica’s head! Which I wouldn’t do especially after she’s downed HALF A BOTTLE OF VODKA!

Veronica was on the point of ATTACK when the CROQUE MONSIEUR, TWIX and TEA was served.

In the AIRPORT Lady J was a hero when she ran back out onto the TARMAC and FLAGGED down our AIRPLANE to retrieve my GLASSES which I had left in the seat pocket, what a woman.

Yours Frazedly

Celia

BRA SIZE, TOILETS & LANYARDS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, in the AIRPORT on our way to MARRAKECH at the DUTY FREE, purchasing a litre and a half of GIN and Veronica a litre and a half of VODKA; the assistant asked for my PASSPORT at the same time scratching her chest.
“My new BRA is really ITCHY” she said “do you know what I can do about it?”

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“It’s new so it has something called ‘SIZE’ in it. Wash it and it will be fine.”

“I knew you’d know what to do, thanks”

Really!

Veronica is causing a kerfuffle at the other till as she can’t find her PASSPORT.
“I’ve lost it” she panics whilst rummaging in her bag.
Dour assistant says “So, you don’t want this now then?” Holding up the VODKA.
“Of course I want it” snaps an exasperated Veronica.
I had a further rummage and quickly find her passport.
Big sigh from dour assistant “So you want it now do you?”

Emptying two bottles of water in the TOILETS and filling them at the sink with GIN/VODKA & TONIC someone came in.  So engrossed it took a while before we realised we were being watched. Giggling like naughty schoolgirls whilst concentrating on our pouring we told her about our clever wheeze.

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Arms folded over her LANDYARD and AIRPORT uniform, (which we’d just noticed) she admonishes us saying IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA and we have been seen on the CCTV!

Stuffing the bottles in our bags we made our escape and headed for the departure gate.

Yours Flyingly

Celia

p.s. More of Marrakech later

CELIA & VERONICA ON THE ROAD TO MARRAKECH

CELIA & VERONICA ON THE ROAD TO MARRAKECH. Yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman my dear friend Veronica and I are off on an ADVENTURE to MARRAKECH.

Why? You may ask. Well we are FLYING there for a BIRTHDAY PARTY for one of our fellow FANNYS. We are so HOLLYWOOD!

I’m hoping for a new MOROCCAN CARPET for the sitting room. My thinking is I could get a lovely one in EXCHANGE for my dear friend VERONICA, who is a BLONDE-HAIRED, BLUE-EYED, CURVACIOUS LADY.

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After all who wants a camel?

Yours Exotically

Celia

p.s. Come to think of it there is a resemblance. I think it’s the smile.

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