PRIDE & SOGGY BOTTOMS you may ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman and I will tell you. We have had everything weather-wise thrown at us this week. Spectacular LIGHTNING and THUNDER, SNOW, TORRENTIAL RAIN, BRIGHT SUNSHINE and HAILSTONES. So this morning whilst we had the sunshine I suggested to Ronald that we take Hirsute Roley for a brisk walk.

Grumbling whilst switching off his KINDLE and dragging himself of the sofa, Ronald readied himself. In the meantime I had donned WATERPROOF COAT, WOOLY HAT, KNEE-LENGTH WELLY SOCKS, WELLINGTON BOOTS and gloves; Hirsute Roley was sporting his striped high necked jumper, we were ready.

Half-way down the lane with rivers of water running either side, slushing through the cow and horse dung, Ronald decided he had the WRONG TROUSERS on. I pointed out that he also had the WRONG SHOES on and why hadn’t he worn his WELLINGTON BOOTS? “I don’t need them” he retorted.

“I think we’ll walk back now” says Ronald, Hirsutes Roley’s feet are wet.

There is the distinct sound of SQUELCHING FEET!


Yours Superiordly Dry




Oh what a night! The RAIN was lashing down, the WIND was howling when all of a sudden an incredible EXPLOSION of sound accompanied a sky-illuminating FLASH, followed by BALL LIGHTNING bouncing across the field, scattering the poor BULL and his CONCUBINES. 

Our power went off and I ran out to make sure the poor beasts were OK or if I needed to call the Farmer. They were terrified and making distressed noises, I called to them and tried to calm them down as they huddled together against the fence, the great Bull’s shoulders heaving with fear, the cows pushing against his flanks.

The next minute I’m woken up by the sound of the CHURCH BELLS ringing out.

“Ronald WAKE-UP! the church bells are ringing it must mean somethings happened, WAKE-UP!

All I could think was that the LIGHTNING  must have started a fire in the village and the church bells were ringing out a warning.

“What? I can’t hear anything”

“The Bells, the church bells!” I realise now I must have sounded like QUASIMODO.

“Silence that’s all I can hear, you must have been dreaming”

Of course I wasn’t dreaming. I get up and open the window – SILENCE – I couldn’t believe it – SILENCE. I went through to the sitting room and looked out of the window with the torch – NO COWS. I remembered then they had been taken in for the winter. By the time I climbed back into bed even little hirsute Roley had woken up and climbed onto the bed, hiding under the comforter wondering what the heck was going on.

“Sorry, it all seemed so real, the lightning, the bells”  I don’t know if it was something I had eaten before I went to bed, or if it was watching the news with its warning of loss of life due to HIGH TIDES, HIGH WINDS AND MORE RAIN. 

Ronald wasn’t amused at first “It will take me hours to go back to sleep now” but then he saw the funny side thankf…….zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yours Sleepily


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