RONALD IS MIFFED

RONALD IS MIFFED. You may remember hirsute Roley had broken Ronald’s KINDLE, this has meant more visits to the library.

Ronald drove to into town, parked and paid for parking Grrrh. Walked to the library, it was closed double Grrrh.

Two days later he drove to town, parked and paid for parking Grrrh. Walked to the library , it was closed treble Grrrh.

Two days later he drove to town, parked and paid for parking Grrrh. Walked to the library, it was closed, Quadruple Grrrh.

Ronald blames Harold the CROSS-DRESSING librarian because he was all in favour of reduced opening hours.

Harold said “It gives me more time for my new hobby, WIND TURBINE spotting, they are my favourite things after high-heels”

Ronald is suspicious because Harold is on the Town Council and he has a new BICYCLE!

Yours Suspiciously

Celia

SAVE OUR LIBRARY

 

Ronald has broken his KINDLE, disaster! So he went to the library and chose 7 books. Looking through them at home he realised he had read 6 of them!.

So We are off to a ‘SAVE OUR LIBRARY’ meeting. Poor Howard the cross-dressing librarian is distraught about its closure. He’s having to move branches. Howard doesn’t drive and can’t even ride his bicycle after that incident in his back-passage. I told him not to leave his bike there. That Mrs. Griffiths in the flat next door is no lightweight. I knew she’d put a dent in his spokes. It will be dreadful if the library closes. I just love to read. I’ve read 363 books on my kindle have you brought one yet?

Yours Bookily

Celia

HAROLD THE CROSS-DRESSING LIBRARIAN

HAROLD THE CROSS-DRESSING LIBRARIAN rang to say we are in trouble with the Library, Mother”s book ‘FIFTY SHADES’ is overdue.

Iam still playing NURSEY-NURSEY to my Mother since she was discharged from hospital but I cannot find the book. Still it was alright because Harold bless-him was so excited about the GIANT KNITTING he was distracted.

Harold enjoys CROCHETING AND KNITTING, indeed he has created some beautiful pieces. He is particularly into S & M, SEQUINS and MOHAIR. He was wearing a pretty little bolero last week in ICE-CREAM FONDANT SUNDAE STRAWBERRY PINK MOHAIR with PURPLE HOLOGRAM SEQUINS. He said “I’d LOVE some BIG BALLS like yours and I’d LOVE to get my hands on a pair of those BIG BOYS” I have referred him to INGRID WAGNER’s WEBSITE.

Yours Nursingly

Celia

THERMAL VESTS AND HONITON LACE.

Embarrassed this morning. Harold the cross-dressing librarian rang to say my mothers book was in. Arrived at the library and immediately felt several pairs of eyes swivel my way. Miss Baines who will only issue books from the classics and thinks paperbacks should be used for toilet paper; looked at me over her half-rimmed glasses her wild grey hair escaping from her bun and her mouth pursed up like a pig’s bum. Dolly Dalrimple, dipped her head with it’s violet coloured curly wig atop and giggled uncontrollably. Not realising that as she bent over, her thermal vest parted from her wrinkled neck and exposed a hairy chest. Harold reached under the library counter and retrieved a plastic carrier bag with ‘Nike Just Do It’ on the front and handed it over as it if was a doggy poo bag.
I took the bag at the same time admiring Harold’s Honiton Lace gloves and opened it gingerly, peering inside I saw a large print book with the title “Fifty Shades of Grey”. My Mother the 83 years old sex-maniac, I wondered why she wanted that pattern for knitted hand-cuffs.

Yours Embarrassingly

Celia

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