ARE YOU STILL OUT THERE my dear ladies and occasional gentleman?
Please look away now occasional gentleman.
My dear ladies we all know that FANNY FARTS are a natural occurrence for us women. If we are honest they usually happen at embarrassing moments.
But I believe we should celebrate this phenomenon and discard the embarrassment. Let us be proud of our FANNY FARTS after all, men cannot do them.
So when you exit the lavatory to a waiting queue of ladies after a spectacular FANNY FART, take a bow.
When you are DOWNWARD DOGGING at Yoga and a FANNY FART rips through the chilled out class, be PROUD.
Be aware that horse-riding can result in multiple FANNY FARTS.
When you are in the GREENGROCERS standing on one leg stretched out and reaching up to that top shelf for a KIWI FRUIT and a FANNY FART escapes, turn and smile at the other shoppers, tossing your fruit in a nonchalant manner.
The man in your life will be delighted with the extra action, should one occur during intimate relations.
I must admit to enjoying a FANNY FART when I’m super excited because I’m in a new WOOL shop with gorgeous wools.
Remember ladies be proud of our bodies and their functions, never be embarrassed, embrace those FANNY FARTS!
p.s. Just to clarify for my dear ladies and occasional gentleman who reside in other countries, FANNY FARTS do not erupt from ladies bottoms.
HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence.
As you can see Ronald and I have been KNIGHTED by my dear friend HER MAJ whilst on a little ladylike break in WELSH WALES.
It’s LORD AND LADY CELIAGARDEN now, I know all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman will be thrilled for us.
I’ve just to calm Ronald down, he’s online as we speak hunting for ERMINE and HIGH HEELED SHOES WITH A BUCKLE ON.
More on mine and Veronica’s MARRAKECH adventure soon.
My dear friend Lydia came to the rescue of Ronald’s cold TOOTSIES and my struggle to knit the blanket strips into a BEDSIDE RUG.
You may remember my BIG KNITTING and my first effort was a rug to go by my bed. It was a huge struggle to juggle the enormous needles and the thick material but I did manage to finish my rug but my heart fell at the thought of knitting a second one for Ronald.
To the RESCUE rode the LADY LYDIA and with needles flying, CLICKATY-CLACK and a RATTA-TAT-TAT on tHe front door, she appeared like a KNITTING ANGEL with a complete RUG FOR RONALD.
Ronald does seem to come in for a bit of attention from the LADIES, he does have his own DEVILISH WAYS of PLUMBING THEIR DEPTHS and inspiring them to new heights.
As a number it is not terribly inspiring, I lean towards the numbers three and nine which are so very pleasing because nine is……………..