RONALD WRECKS THE G SPOT

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I returned from a very lovely AFTERNOON TEA with friends to discover Ronald had VACUUMED and WASHED all the floors.

What a WONDERFUL husband I hear you all SHOUT and you are correct and I thanked him accordingly.

Then with a HANGDOG faced he FESSED UP and showed me this:


Apparently  our new GTECH VACUUM CLEANER is as the ADVERT says not only lightweight and cordless but POWERFUL!

POWERFUL enough to SUCK UP, CHEW AND SPIT OUT a sleeve of the baby jacket I had just finished KNITTING for a nephews impending baby.

I suppose I should be thankful the GTECH survived and it was just one sleeve!

Out come the knitting needles again.

Ronald has had a bit of making up to do.

Yours Knittingly

Celia 

CANINE CONTROL!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, one of my lovely daughters gave me an AMAZON ECHO for Mother’s Day. Although I am not a one for gadgets, this one is rather marvelous. ‘ALEXA’ is very compliant unlike the STRIDENT notes of our last SAT-NAV, although the current one is far more PLEASANT.


ALEXA did turn herself on accidentally when we were watching a documentary about ALEXANDER THE GREAT but apart from that no problems. Until TODAY.

Little Hirsute Roley is a bit of a TALKER which is LOVELY  and AMUSING and it is part of his many TALENTS that we love. 

Hirsute Roley had come in from the garden, started TALKING and managed to TURN ON ALEXA!

His chosen music was ELTON JOHN singing TINY DANCER.

Now we know why ALEXA is on and MUSIC is PLAYING when we return from shopping. CANINE CONTROL.

The FACE of INNOCENCE.


Yours Doggily

Celia

POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN

POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.


It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL  ingredients and I know what’s in it.

In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD


Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.

WARNING! ALWAYS ENSURE A THOROUGH RINSE OF THE LADYGARDEN WHEN USING IMPREGNATED SOAP!

Yours Soapily

Celia

QUIRILI-ANUS!

QUIRILI-ANUS!  My dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

It was our parish CAROL SERVICE, 9 lessons and carols in our beautiful village church last Sunday.


I was sitting in a pew with PCSO Claire and her sister. Lovely young ladies. I had noticed something wasn’t quite right but couldn’t put my finger on it until halfway through the THIRD CAROL, when I realised they were singing a completely different CAROL.

They had been given LAST YEARS order of service.

This year I was reading lesson 6, which had in it the unfortunate name of QUIRINIUS.

I said to them ” I have a tricky name in my reading, QUIRILI-ANUS.” Needless to say once the SPOONERISM had left my lips and hit their ears they were a bundle of giggling girlies.

Imagine my perturbation as I stood in the pulpit  and looked out at the congregation.

Merry Christmas

Yours Merrily

Celia

KNITTING PRICKLY PROTECTION

KNITTING PRICKLY PROTECTION? I hear you ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, yes indeedy.

I needed some KNITTING NEEDLES to start a new project and was looking through my late mother’s collection when I came across these.


They hail from the 1960’s and are made out of COLOURED CASEIN a milk protein I believe. 

Ideal for KNITTING something  WARM and WILLY……….I mean WOOLY for the WINTER.

Yours Protectively

Celia

CORNUCOPIA OF CELTICNESS & A DILEMMA

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as I hope you may be aware I have been absent. 


We were lucky enough to spend first a week in beautiful WELSH WALES, HIRSUTE ROLEY particularly enjoyed the beach. Despite the clouds it was lovely and warm.


We returned home for one night to the very lovely NORTH DEVON.


Then secondly a few days in gorgeous CORNWALL.


Beautiful flowers grown by my beautiful granddaughter.

A veritable CORNUCOPIA of CELTICNESS.

You would have thought that with all this relaxation and beautiful surroundings my HAIR would have decided to stay on my  HEAD.

But NO!

On returning home I stepped into the shower (ladies don’t jump).

After I had washed my hair I noticed that I was paddling in about an inch of water.

Investigating the PLUGHOLE I discovered what appeared to be a small knitted jumper BORROWER size.

I HATE CLEANING PLUGHOLES THEY ARE GROSS!


Walking into the sitting room this product was on the Telly.

DILEMMA.

TWO bottles of GIN or some decent wine.

AGAINST

TWO months supply of FURRY FOAM.

Yours ALOPECIA AURIATALY

CELIA

P.S. I am still shaving my legs

P.P.S. Some eyebrow and eyelashes down the PLUGHOLE.

P.P.P.S. THE BORROWERS. See Mary Norton.

P.P.P.P.S. North Devon Photo courtesy of my dear friend Karen Owen.