RONALD GETS DOWN AND DIRTY & DISPLAYS HIS GENIUS

RONALD GETS DOWN AND DIRTY & DISPLAYS HIS GENIUS.
Wanting to plant some CABBAGES and CAULIFLOWERS we went to look at some CLOCHES to protect them from the voracious SLUGS and SNAILS.

They are EXPENSIVE almost equalling the cost of a small PRIVATE JET!

Ronald takes control and we head to a CHEAP and CHEERFUL value shop, where whilst I am having a RUMMAGE amongst RIBBONS, TRIMS and CRAFT paraphernalia he FERRETS around trying to discover an alternative.

We check out three £1.00 POP-OUT MESH LAUNDRY BAGS and some GREEN PLASTIC GARDEN PEGS. As we head for the car, it goes through my mind that Ronald may have been watching RE-RUNS of 1970’s BLUE PETER.

Here is the result over the CAULIFLOWERS. GENIUS!
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Now we know it works, we will return for some to cover the CABBAGES.

Yours Greenfingerdly

Celia

FOUR FRUITY STICKS BARE ALL !

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I responded to a GREAT DEAL l I saw online: ‘4 DWARF FRUIT TREES THREE APPLE & ONE PEAR FOR £19.99 FREE POSTAGE’.  How could I resist, I had all ready purchased a little PEAR TREE locally and thought these would be ideal to  assist me in creating a little ORCHARD in my FRONT GARDEN.

This is my FIRST PURCHASE:

 

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These are my ONLINE PURCHASE: imageimage

According to Ronald I have bought FOUR STICKS!

When we arose this morning, Ronald said ” I’m off to pick some fruit for breakfast”

There may be quite a lot of LADYGARDEN BREAKFASTS before Eve can pick Adam an apple!

Yours Fruitily

Celia

P.S. Apologies for presentation, wordpress decided to do it’s own thing. It’s been a rough couple of days. I received an OUTSTANDING BILL for £400 for my deceased mother, a purchaser of my online auction item of ‘a child’s vintage pram for RESTORATION’ for which they paid £7.99 decided it wasn’t MUSEUM quality and complained and I bought 4 sticks!

FIRE IN YOUR UNDERPANTS

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FIRE IN YOUR UNDERPANTS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning I was working at my lap-top when Ronald approached muttering. I apologise in advance for the more tender flowers amongst you for what I am about to impart.

“I was just sitting on the TOILET when I noticed this, have a LOOK” says Ronald shoving both hands down the back of his trousers. 

“I don’t know if I want to” says I tearing myself away from my writing. He pulled his TROUSERS down at the back exposing his BOXERS. I’m not sure what I expected to see but I was relieved when he turned over the waistband and showed me the LABEL.

” Well it’s a bit worrying, what do they mean ‘KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE’ what a STRANGE thing to have on your  UNDERPANTS, have a look will you?”

Now you might want to chuckle at poor Ronald and his QUANDRY but his little face was CREASED with concern, so I took a look.

“Why would I  want to go near a FIRE in my UNDERPANTS? But what if I HAVE to go near a fire in my UNDERPANTS? Will I catch ALIGHT?”

I tried to reassure him and said it was unlikely he would have to go near a fire in his underpants.

“Your bloody right, if your wearing them you don’t want your UNDERPANTS  to catch FIRE do you?”

“No dear, I should forget about it and go out and do a bit in the garden”

Ronald exited muttering as he went “what a strange thing to have on your underpants”

Yours  Distractedly

Celia

ICE-LOLLIES & GARDEN FAIRIES IN THE LADYGARDEN

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ICE-LOLLIES & GARDEN FAIRIES IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, as you can see from this photograph, there was a lot of ACTIVITY in the front LADYGARDEN  residence this morning. It was an absolute hive of ACTIVITY, the GARDEN FAIRIES were in.

In the forefront you can see Andy’s TOOL, the other fairies were very JEAlOUS. It was so HEAVY he had to stop and have a rest! And it was sooo HOT I had to break out the ICE LOLLIES!

Yours Swoonily

Celia

p.s They are available for work all over the world.

SOMETHING BUSHY IN THE LADYGARDEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SOMETHING BUSHY IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I feel quite BOLD in showing you this lovely picture of my CLEMATIS in my LADYGARDEN. As you can see it is quite BUSHY but then it is SPRING and we all know how the SAP RISES.

 Usually it is only Ronald who sees it but I thought I would share it with my dear friends in the hope it will give you a SMILE on this lovely spring morning. I will probably cut it back in the AUTUMN I like to keep it NEATER through the winter. 

I have also been planting some FLOWERING bulbs, I like something DIFFERENT popping up in my LADYGARDEN through the summer, don’t you? 

Yours Bushily

Celia

 

PHILIP’S PRINCELY MIXED GARDEN OF DELIGHTS

PHILIP’S PRINCELY MIXED GARDEN OF DELIGHTS
My dear friend HER MAJ telephoned yesterday, she had been ROYAL SILVER SURFING and catching up with my little ‘BLISS’. She was concerned bless her about Ronald’s RAISED VEGETABLE BED, as it reminded her of an incident with dear PHIIP.
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Apparently he had been planning a BIRTHDAY SURPRISE, how sweet and had decided to order some of her favourite FLOWERING PLANTS for her PRIVATE LADYGARDEN.

She tells me he is not terribly O FAY with the INTERNET but decided to place an order ONLINE using VOICE SPEAK.

The order duly arrived much quicker than dear PHILIP had expected and containing goods that he definitely WASN’T.

He had ordered a selection of one of HER MAJ’S favourite flowers the LUPIN. Choosing colours close to her heart:
32. COLONIES CREAM
19. SUNSET OVER SCOTLAND
23. ROYAL SCARLET
29. GORDON’S GREEN
36. ASCOT BLUE
16. CORGI CARAMEL
21. STAG’S HEAD HEATHER

Dear PHILIP was expecting the delivery in about 10 days, so imagine his SURPRISE when it turned up that evening on the back of a LAMBRETTA!
A number:

32. CRISPY AROMATIC DUCK
19. KUNG PAO CHICKEN
23. BEEF FRANK IN A BLACK BEAN SAUCE
29. MUSHROOM FOO YOUNG
36. A VEGETABLE SAMOSA
16. SOME SINGAPORE NOODLES
21. AND A BLACK FOREST GATEAU

HER MAJ discovered that he had called ‘LU-PIN’S GARDEN OF DELIGHTS’ CHINESE RESTAURANT instead of ‘LUPINS GARDEN OF DELIGHTS NURSERY’

Oh my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, how we LAUGHED, well I did, HER MAJ just TINKLED ROYALY.

Yours Chuckling

Celia

SUBTERRANEAN SHALLOTTS

SUBTERRANEAN SHALLOTTS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, SHALLOTTS, it’s time to plant them. There is nothing tastier in your WINTER STEW than SHALLOTTS.

If you PLANT them now, PULL them in the Autumn, PLAIT them and HANG them in your shed. you can enjoy them over the winter.

All good so far but the problem lies in the fact I am still waiting for the garden in the front of the house to be fenced. Then I can have a RAISED VEGETABLE BED. So I had a little grumble to Ronald whilst showing him a picture of what was required and off he went to his shed. There was a lot of banging and screwing which Ronald is very fond of.

So now we have the constructed raised bed, we just have to place it in the garden. Now I can see a fairly WEED free rectangle that looks perfect but no Ronald decides to place it the opposite way, against a hedge with the weedy ground sloping away and where I won’t be able to get around it.

WE HAVE WORDS.

When the construction is in the right place Ronald takes a PICK-AXE and starts digging a long trench.

“What’s that for ” I ask

“To fit the box in” says Ronald, starting on the next tench.

“But it’s supposed to be a raised bed” says I

“It will be fine trust me” says Ronald knocking the edges even deeper into the ground.

So now I have a SUBTERRANEAN RAISED BED as you can see here.
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AND THIS IS WHAT I PUT IN IT!

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Yours Satisfiedly

Celia

MOTTE AND BAILEY BUT NO FREE RANGE CHICKEN!

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MOTTE AND BAILEY BUT NO FREE-RANGE CHICKEN

Good day my dear ladies and occasional gentleman and before you are thinking I have gone all ANTIPODEAN this was a COURTIESS  greeting in past times in jolly old ENGLAND.  

Anyway as I was saying it was a normal Sunday morning in the LADYGARDEN household, SIR TERENCE WOGAN on the radio. When  Ronald who was about to set forth for a FREE-RANGE CHICKEN for our Sunday Roast was diverted. Instead he strode with a manly stride to his SHED and grabbing the largest SPADE he could find set about digging up the LADYGARDEN PERIMETER.

As you can imagine I was SURPRISED and INTRIGUED as to what was occurring.  I stepped outside into the chilly wind to find Ronald DIGGING whilst MUTTERING about MOTTE AND BAILEYS and REPELLING THE HORDES and studying the picture I have shown here for your interest. With no sign of my FREE -RANGE CHICKEN!

Re-entering the LADYGARDEN residence I discovered the meaning of Ronald’s  strange behaviour. SIR TERENCE WOGAN was chatting about his forthcoming interview with the singer SAM BAILEY! 

There are TWO messages here:

ONE, SIR TERENCE WOGAN NEEDS TO ANNUNCIATE clearly.

TWO, Ronald needs a HEARING TEST.

Yours Hungrily

Celia

DISTRACTION, WHITE WINE & TUNA

DISTRACTION, WHITE WINE & TUNA.
What a beautiful day apart from the chilly wind it has been. I thought I might chance it and plant some SUMMER BULBS but I was distracted and found myself moving a small unknown TREE in a pot to the side of the front door.

Which made me think of the ROSE I bought when my mother died and wanted to plant in a metal planter of hers, to sit on the patio.

When I looked in the metal planter which I thought was empty I found some TREE LILLY bulbs that came from mums. So I decided to get them in the ground as they were starting to shoot.

Which made me fetch the fork and dig up an ORNAMENTAL GRASS ,to make room for the LILLIES but realised there was room for a ROSE cutting that I had taken last year and now needed planting, which I did.

The ORNAMENTAL GRASS I popped in a tub for my dear friend Theresa.

Which made me remember the HELLIBORE I had promised her, so I dug that up too and popped it into a tub.

By which time I decided I had done enough so sat in the SUMMER HOUSE with a glass of WHITE WINE and a TUNA roll.

Sometimes I think I am a slave to DISTRACTION!

Yours Distractedly

Celia

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