SPAM-BOT ON THE LOOSE!

SPAM-BOT ON THE LOOSE!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman who knew? I’ve never heard of a SPAM-BOT but apparently there is one on the LOOSE.

And it’s not Ronald’s DERRIERE after too many SPAM FRITTERS!

I have been BOMBARDED with new SPAM followers from a NEW BOT but the wonderful HAPPINESS ENGINEERS at WORDPRESS are working hard on BLOCKING them.

Yours Bottily

Celia

P.S. Just a reminder that this WONDERFUL book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ is available on AMAZON. It’s all about an INCIDENT that happened in our little North Devon village, of course dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I am the HEROINE.

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These are great short stories by my dear friend and co-author, also available on AMAZON.

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NEW YEAR, NEW BABY!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, as you may well have noticed I bypassed the ‘Season’s Greetings’ bit, I am sure that you had enough reading to do with all those Christmas cards, messages yada, yada, yada, without me adding to the burden.

But here I am wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous NEW YEAR.

Here is the ADORABLE new addition to our family POLLY. She was rescued from a PUPPY FARM by the wonderful charity MANY TEARS RESCUE www.manytearsrescue.org/

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As you can see Hirsute Roley is being an absolute STAR as they get to know one another.

If you are thinking of taking a dog into your family PLEASE DO consider ADOPTING a rescue dog.

We saved THREE dogs by adopting Polly. Polly herself, her foster parents were able to take another dog out of kennels for Christmas and the charity was able to RESCUE another dog.

Polly is an ABSOLUTE POPPET, very quiet (except when I am in the bathroom and she has taken to sitting outside giving little barks) follows me around everywhere and is happiest either on my lap or next to me (or Ronald in a pinch).

We had not planned on sharing the MARITAL BED with two dogs but Hey Ho! Saves on HOT WATER BOTTLES.

Yours Doggily

Celia

 

IN THE PINK!

IN THE PINK and please my dear ladies and occasional gentleman don’t alert the RSPCA.

I’m sure I am not the only lady of a certain age who is on the horns of a dilemma.

There are SILVER THREADS weaving themselves through the bizarrely darker than normal new growth at my CROWN. 

Having waited to see what would happen and hoping that it would all turn silver, then I could have FUNKY (oops spelt that wrong 3 times😆) COLOURED streaks, I was DESPERATE!

At the back of the cupboard I found an old hair dye, GREAT! 

Next day after WASHING Hirsute Roley’s little FEET after his walk (our small village is awash with SHEEP SH.T and MUD!) I dried him with the towel I’d used around my shoulders, it hadn’t gotten wet.

Later that day I noticed the hair around his HAIRY little nose, mouth and chest and various other places had a REDDISH HUE! 

It’s difficult to see in this picture but it’s there, we have our own LITTLE RUDOLPH.

Yours Blushingly

Celia

IT DOESN’T WORK!

IT DOESN’T WORK! Asserted Ronald when I asked him to make sure he had his MOBILE PHONE with him and that he would answer me when I phoned him to pick me up from the HAIRDRESSERS.

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I asked this because he never answers his mobile and I have to try and catch him on the house phone.

“It doesn’t work” says Ronald.

“OK I’ll ring you now and you can show me IT DOESN’T WORK” I reply.

I ring him and he jabs away at the screen as if he’s trying to drill a hole in it and shouts triumphantly “see IT DOESN’T WORK!”

I lean over and swipe the screen, “it’s working now”.
He’s only had the phone since LAST CHRISTMAS!

Yours frustratedly

Celia

A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman last night I awoke to Ronald A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN.

It was 2.00 am and he’d let Hirsute Roley out for an EMERGENCY WEE, unfortunately he then wandered off for a SNUFFLE and Ronald  A FURTLING in the bushes couldn’t  locate him in the DARK.

He then stood up and decided to enjoy the wonders of the NIGHT SKY.


Yours Starily

Celia

P.S. Thank you to all you dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have bought my book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ written by my dear little ghostwriter friend Glenda Barnett, available on Amazon.com

I AM A TROLL FOLDEROLL!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Hirsute Roley is in recovery.

This morning he insisted on walking down one of his favourite lanes and stopping at the little bridge across a stream. Suddenly he STOPPED DEAD, one little paw raised like a QUESTION MARK in the air, then he bravely crept around the bridge towards the water.

Stopping again in FEAR AND TERROR trembling, as a GIANT TROLL came out from under the bridge with a BIG STICK.

I scooped him up as a second GIANT TROLL came out from the other end of the bridge.

The to the rescue came the POSTMAN in his van and Hirsute Roley rallied as the post van slowed and a small meaty biscuit dropped into his mouth.

Who knew that the WATER WAYS employed GIANT TROLLS to clear underneath BRIDGES.

Yours Folderolly

Celia