IT DOESN’T WORK! Asserted Ronald when I asked him to make sure he had his MOBILE PHONE with him and that he would answer me when I phoned him to pick me up from the HAIRDRESSERS.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I asked this because he never answers his mobile and I have to try and catch him on the house phone.
“It doesn’t work” says Ronald.
“OK I’ll ring you now and you can show me IT DOESN’T WORK” I reply.
I ring him and he jabs away at the screen as if he’s trying to drill a hole in it and shouts triumphantly “see IT DOESN’T WORK!”
I lean over and swipe the screen, “it’s working now”.
He’s only had the phone since LAST CHRISTMAS!
GETTING THE GOAT
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, RONALD was completely oblivious of his STRANGE ATTRACTION for PYGMY GOATS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman last night I awoke to Ronald A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN.
It was 2.00 am and he’d let Hirsute Roley out for an EMERGENCY WEE, unfortunately he then wandered off for a SNUFFLE and Ronald A FURTLING in the bushes couldn’t locate him in the DARK.
He then stood up and decided to enjoy the wonders of the NIGHT SKY.
P.S. Thank you to all you dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have bought my book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ written by my dear little ghostwriter friend Glenda Barnett, available on Amazon.com
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Hirsute Roley is in recovery.
This morning he insisted on walking down one of his favourite lanes and stopping at the little bridge across a stream. Suddenly he STOPPED DEAD, one little paw raised like a QUESTION MARK in the air, then he bravely crept around the bridge towards the water.
Stopping again in FEAR AND TERROR trembling, as a GIANT TROLL came out from under the bridge with a BIG STICK.
I scooped him up as a second GIANT TROLL came out from the other end of the bridge.
The to the rescue came the POSTMAN in his van and Hirsute Roley rallied as the post van slowed and a small meaty biscuit dropped into his mouth.
Who knew that the WATER WAYS employed GIANT TROLLS to clear underneath BRIDGES.
“My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I are enjoying a few days away in a COTTAGE in CORNWALL.
It is EL SCORCHIO! Aren’t we lucky to have such gorgeous weather?
We are taking full advantage of our heated SWIMMING POOL then lounging in the sun to dry off.
Had a bit of bother with Ronald he will insist on STRIPPING OFF his swim shorts when leaving the pool area and drying himself off whilst standing on the lawn.
What’s wrong with that you may well ask, the problem is there a quite a few SQUIRRELS.
One BOLD little chap clearly entranced with the sight, GLEEFULLY bounded at a pace straight for what he thought was a BANQUET of NUTS!
I don’t think he’d ever been TAKEN OUT with an INFLATABLE FLAMINGO before!
A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so
As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.
The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.
I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.
For Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg
For Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y
Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.
Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was casting my little eye over TWITTER and saw this interesting post from a dear occasional gentleman.
My RESPONSE was this
Within SECONDS I received this FOLLOW