I have fallen out with my dear friend Veronica.

She asked Ronald to come around and LOOK at her CRACK!

I was SHOCKED and took UMBRIDGE to this BOLD INTIMATE request, what a HUSSY!

I thought she was my friend and a LADY!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I tell you this SAD tale as a warning.


It turns out, she was DECORATING and had a CRACK in the plastered wall for which she wanted advice on how to deal with it.

Yours Embarrassedly


Dear Celia, I have just found Ronald’s knob in my car. I think it fell off the rail I borrowed yesterday. I am now tackling my crack. I am ‘doing it myself’! Ronald said to gouge and fill. Yours Veronica


So I am just winding down from the pantomime (more about that later) and I went with
my dear lady friends, Gwendoline, Theresa & Christina to the CINEMA to see the film ‘THE RAILWAY MAN’. We took our drinks in with us, ours is a very civilised THEATRE/CINEMA, my drink being ELDERFLOWER. I am afraid rather a lot of ALCOHOL had been consumed the week of the pantomime, so now I am reducing my intake to a glass of WINE with a meal , weekends only.

We had good seats, back row, downstairs and we settled ourselves. Just before the film started a lady climbed up to us and indicated she needed to go passed us to get to her seat on the inside.

“This always ANNOYS ME when someone arrives late and you have to stand up to let them through” she says, chuckling to herself. Unfortunately as I stood up and there is not very much room as you may be aware, my SEAT FLIPPED UP taking my SKIRT with it, giving the people behind me a clear view of my BUM!

The film is quite HARROWING and I am sorry to say dear ladies and the occasional gentleman, that I had to COVER MY EYES at some of the scenes of torture and brutality. One cannot fail to be moved by the HISTORY of the poor men who were forced to build THE BURMA RAILWAY, or of their wives who had to live with these broken men after THE WAR.

This was the second occasion I had cried this evening, the first was watching the NEWS before I left home and seeing the plight of the people of SYRIA.

On leaving the AUDITORIUM a lady was heard asking her friend who the empty seat next to her had been for. The reply was “Oh that’s for my IMAGINARY FRIEND”.

In the midst of TRAGEDY there is still some HUMOUR.

Yours Tearfully


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