MOROCCAN GIN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman we were bouncing along in our mini bus when we skidded to a halt on the edge of a precipice for this photo op of a Berber village.

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We had been advised to wear plenty of clothes as it would be cold in the mountains. We didn’t have a lot of clothes  so I wore my stylish GREY JERSEY JACKET and my dear friend Veronica borrowed a rather un-fetching FLEECE.  The only acceptable time to wear a FLEECE is if you are doing a sponsored NIGHT-WALK for CHARITY! Luckily it was 84f and Veronica didn’t have to embarrass herself!

Driving around hare pin bends climbing steeply, we thought it was a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE which funnily enough they filmed there but eventually we arrived at RIAD DAR TASSA just in time for……

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MOROCCAN GIN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or as we know it MINT TEA.

Of course Veronica was snitchy because the young man served me first.

Yours Mintily

Celia

p.s. Where is all this FLEECE coming from, it’s everywhere, cushions, blankets, dog beds, jackets, scarfs, hats, gloves, dusters, slippers. Ronald has even got some trousers in FLEECE.

FLEECE that’s a misnomer as the stuff hasn’t been within a mile of a sheep!

HELLO KITTY! MARRAKECH!

HELLO KITTY! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, don’t we just love our PUSSIES? I know I do and it appears our MORROCAN  Ladies do too.

My dear friend  Veronica and our FANNY friend and I decided to explore THE MEDINA and SOUK and do a little SHOPPING.

Stepping out of the PEACE and CALM of the RIAD you are showered with  an EXPLOSION of SENSES and it took a while for my little brain to sort them out. A MYRIAD of SMELLS some going straight to the RECYCLING BIN, others not unpleasant but unknown I filed for later, others, the herbs and spices I wallowed in like a PIG in MUD.

A CACOPHONY of sound assaults your EARS and your EYES are engaged in keeping you alive as you dodge MOTORCYCLES, DONKEYS, BICYCLES, CATS and PEOPLE, through the bustling maze.

The charming ladies of MARRAKECH favour a TRADITIONAL DJELLABA with a TWIST. There is a PENCHANT for LEOPARD PRINT and one admirable lady sported a full-length DJELLABA FLEECE with      ‘HELLO KITTY’ On the back in PINK SPARKLES. I do admire individuality.

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There are some very HANDSOME fellows who entice you into their shops and they all offer ‘BEST PRICE’. It is traditional to HAGGLE and Don’t we just love a bit of HAGGLING especially with a nice young man.

The answer is yes we do but poor old Veronica got in a right old state “why don’t they just put the  price on?” She GRUMBLED OFTEN! (Have I mentioned this is a DRY country? I think she was suffering withdrawal symptoms) We all had such fun, HAGGLING and BUYING except Veronica, she finally plucked up COURAGE when she fell in love with a POUFFE.

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You should have seen her trying to squeeze that into her HAND-LUGGAGE!

I met a very handsome young man in the famous JEMAA EL FNA SQUARE he called out and asked me if I came from London, what a SILLY BILLY. I thought “here’s a young man who could BENEFIT from a MATURE WOMAN with EXPERIENCE”. So I told him I was from THE WEST COUNTRY and taught him all about CORNISH PASTIES!

An hour later passing him again some distance away I observed him calling out “CORNISH PASTIES!” to startled TOURISTS.

Yours Hagglingly

Celia

HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY

HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence.

As you can see Ronald and I have been KNIGHTED by my dear friend HER MAJ whilst on a little ladylike break in WELSH WALES.

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It’s LORD AND LADY CELIAGARDEN now, I know all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman will be thrilled for us.

I’ve just to calm Ronald down, he’s online as we speak hunting for ERMINE and HIGH HEELED SHOES WITH A BUCKLE ON.

More on mine and Veronica’s MARRAKECH adventure soon.

Yours Ladyshiply

Celia

BONDAGE FOR BEGINNERS!

BONDAGE FOR BEGINNERS, that my dear ladies and occasional gentleman was the item on daytime television ‘THIS MORNING’ this morning.

I was expecting sections on COOKING, FASHION, and HOME DECOR but definitely not BONDAGE. This is a sample of the items on offer:
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Thankfully Ronald was engrossed in his book ‘The Twilight Home for Retired Gentlemen’.

After a section of SPRING FASHION with GOK it moved on to BONDAGE FOR THE ADVANCED! As soon as PHILLIP SCHOFIELD picked up these
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Ronald perked up and said “that’s what you need dear’
“What”? Says I
“ROW MARKERS for your knitting” says he.

Yours Pinchingly

Celia

SUAVE STRAW HATS & PRIMPING DUCKS!

SUAVE STRAW HATS & PRIMPING DUCKS!
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Having been invited to a GARDEN PARTY Ronald and I were PRIMPING ourselves up for the event. Ronald looked smart but casual in a linen shirt and chinos, topped off with a rather SUAVE STRAW HAT.

I wore a new beautifully patterned skirt in different shades of BLUEand a dark blue T with a sheer white shirt over.

Having spent time on my MAKE-UP and especially my HAIR I was ready and presented myself to Ronald for his APPRAISAL.

“Hmmm” said Ronald “I should try going through THE HEDGE FRONTWARDS next time”

As if that wasn’t enough to DENT my EGO, whilst enjoying my first glass of RHINELAND HOCK and a CHIT-CHAT, a guest informed me that MINE HOSTS had named not a ROSE but a duck after me!

Yours Afrontedly

Celia

BRASSIERES & THE WRONG TROUSERS

BRASSIERES & THE WRONG TROUSERS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, attending a ‘Spring Market’ the other day with my dear friend Veronica, I noticed A WORRYING TREND.  We all like to relax at home in our relaxing garments, ELASTICATED WAISTBANDS, vests with REINFORCED CHEST area so you don’t have to wear a BRASSIERE (not of course the occasional gentleman), (well only if you have MAN-BOOBS), LAST SUMMER’S T-SHIRTS, the dipping hem CARDIGAN your GRANNY knitted, you understand what I mean. However what we DON’T DO is wear these garments out and about IN PUBLIC!

The gentlemen were the first culprits, many of them were wearing THE WRONG TROUSERS!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am going to spare you. There will NOT be any pictures, it was disturbing enough for my SENSIBILITIES and I am a WOMAN OF THE WORLD. I think we would all agree that the worst culprit is the JOGGING TROUSER, now we know they are as comfortable as wearing your PYJAMAS but that is the reason they must only be worn for PHYSICAL EXERCISE and LITTLE JOBS at home or RELAXING. 

For a gentleman in jogging trousers, there is too much ROOM FOR IDLE HANDS in those FRONT POCKETS, isn’t there ladies? Far too much JIGGLING AROUND going on!  they just cannot help themselves. One man looked as if he had borrowed his joggers from his COWS and had put them on in the dark. They were half up his TUMMY half down, twisted almost on sideways, the bottoms were heading to his KNEES not his ANKLES and they were adorned with COW POO.  not a good look for an April Spring Fayre. Although he was a SMILEY man so he’s forgiven.

There were some  lovely summery colourful ladies; one sporting a new PINK FLORAL SUMMER DRESS with spaghetti straps. Now she had bought it in her correct size. Unfortunately she had decided to wear it without underwear and her Bosoms were resting on the accompanying PINK SHINY BELT at her waist; there was a lot of Bosom!

LADIES PLEASE! Always wear a BRASSIERE or BIKINI TOP under a skimpy sundress unless you are under 9 years of age!

My congratulations go to the lady in her 60’s who was sporting a pair of SHORT YELLOW LINEN SHORTS over thick BROWN TIGHTS with a WHITE CARDIGAN over. 

How interesting and wonderful  people are, let us all go out and WEAR WHAT WE LIKE, dare to be different, experiment with COLOUR  and STYLE but always remember, KEEP YOUR BRASSIERES ON!

Yours Brassierely

Celia

p.s. I just wanted to point out that I didn’t mean I wear just an ELASTICATED WAISTBAND on its own, it is always accompanied by a trouser. C

 

 

CUNNING AER LINGUS , AT THE OSCARS

imageCUNNING AER LINGUS AT THE OSCARS

Did you see us at the OSCARS, myself and Veronica? We were there.

We had been NOMINATED for our two SHORT FILMS how exciting. It was a bit of a rush to get there after our FORAGING SUNDAY. But I am sure my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen if you had been nominated, you would have made every effort to get there.

We just managed to make the RED CARPET but as we were late no pictures I am afraid. Which is a shame because I had managed to remove Veronica’s FLYING DUCK SWEATSHIRT and get her into a FROCK for a change!

I was wearing a little number that Mrs Smithers had run up for me to my OWN DESIGN. You can never go wrong with GREEN FLOCKING and I wanted to change the sitting room CURTAINS anyway. There was one awkward moment just as WILL SMITH entered the stage, I crossed my legs and discovered a CURTAIN HOOK which had worked its way down the inside of my tights. I don’t think WILL noticed.

The other disappointment was missing out on THE SELFIE. We became stuck at the back with LISA MINELLI. If you look carefully you can see my right shoulder just above MERYL STREEPS head. I am not sure what Veronica was holding on to but the look on KEVIN SPACEY’s face tells a story!

We had a lovely interview afterwards with little TIM MASTERS from the BBC and hopefully they will show this on the 10 0’CLOCK NEWS.

Thank you to CUNNING AER LINGUS for slipping us in at the last minute. BRISTOL AIRPORT is perfect for TWO LADIESto fly from.

Yours Oscarly

Celia

BIZARRE FASHION, EAR-FLAPS & CERAMIC PANS

BIZARRE FASHION, EAR-FLAPS & CERAMIC PANS

Hello my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, WHAT ARE YOU ALL WEARING? I hope ladies you are wearing something suitably ladylike and you gentlemen are SARTORIALLY elegant.

I will explain why, this morning I met my dear friend Veronica (veronicagoesviral) at at small shopping centre for COFFEE and a chat. Before we went for a repast we popped into the M & S OUTLET STORE. WHAT IS GOING ON, WHO ARE THESE CLOTHES MADE FOR? Certainly not for myself or Veronica, apart from a DARK BLUE LINEN LINED SKIRT that was a bargain and in the sale at £7.00 and the odd staple item, the colours patterns and fabrics were quite BIZARRE! I can quite see why their share have dropped. Who is designing these clothes, who are they meant for and for what age group it is difficult to tell.

We enjoyed our AMERICANOS, mine with hot milk, Veronica’s with cold whilst we bemoaned the lack of lovely wearable individual clothes that are made for real women and gossiped.

We left and were saying our goodbyes when Veronica espied a woman sat outside the cafe opposite with her husband. I am not sure what was worse, the tatty KNITTED POM-POM HAT WITH EAR-FLAPS or the CIGARETTE hanging out of her mouth. If it had been freezing cold and we were up to our knees in snow, it would have been acceptable but it was at least 12 degrees and WE WERE IN A SHOPPING PRECINCT.

Before anyone starts sending me nasty messages, I am not saying everyone should be spending lots of money on clothes and make-up, I am an avid CHARITY/THRIFT shop forager and UPCYCLER. We should just try and make the best of what we have.

Ladies let us always try to look our best, not for any other reason other than it makes us feel good.

By the way Ronald is ECSTATIC his CERAMIC PANS have arrived!

Yours Elegantly

Celia

FATHER BROWN, REAL WOMEN, UPCYCLING & MY FRIEND THE QUEEN

FATHER BROWN, REAL WOMEN & UPCYCLING.

I am becoming addicted toTHE FATHER BROWN MYSTERIES! on BBC1. It is set in the late 1940’s with all of the POST-WAR GLAMOUR. The dresses and hats are marvelous. The dresses have the most interesting prints and are beautifuly tailoured. They were designed with REAL  women in mind, to enhance their womanly shape and celebrate the fact they have boobs, bums and hips!

I am a REAL WOMAN. I think I should wear more of this era of clothing.

Kirsty Allsopp adopts the 1940’s style of dresses, I think she should add hats to her vintage look. No doubt she would be able to make her own, after all she UPCYCLES everything. She would probably UPCYCLE one from an old LAURA ASHLEY cushion bought from the RED CROSS shop, unpicked with some of the stuffing taken out, a bit of RIC-RAC BRAIDING and a couple of silk flowers and FANNYS your aunt.

That my dear ladies and the occasional gentleman has given me an idea perhaps Veronica and I can actually make some new SPRING HATS using this idea and if we are really clever we could video it like those clever people do on YOU TUBE. Although I do struggle with the TECHNOLOGY  so I cannot promise anything.

Veronica is the QUEEN of foraging so when I am planning a foray into the CHARITY SHOPS I nearly always go with her.

Although thinking about the QUEEN it is about this time of the year dear Elizabeth casts her knowing eyes over her SPRING WARDROBE and BLESS HER, she often sends a lackey with an outfit she thinks will suit me that has appeared on too many STATE VISITS.

Yours Creatively

Celia

 

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