“My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I are enjoying a few days away in a COTTAGE in CORNWALL.
It is EL SCORCHIO! Aren’t we lucky to have such gorgeous weather?
We are taking full advantage of our heated SWIMMING POOL then lounging in the sun to dry off.
Had a bit of bother with Ronald he will insist on STRIPPING OFF his swim shorts when leaving the pool area and drying himself off whilst standing on the lawn.
What’s wrong with that you may well ask, the problem is there a quite a few SQUIRRELS.
One BOLD little chap clearly entranced with the sight, GLEEFULLY bounded at a pace straight for what he thought was a BANQUET of NUTS!
I don’t think he’d ever been TAKEN OUT with an INFLATABLE FLAMINGO before!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as I hope you may be aware I have been absent.
We were lucky enough to spend first a week in beautiful WELSH WALES, HIRSUTE ROLEY particularly enjoyed the beach. Despite the clouds it was lovely and warm.
We returned home for one night to the very lovely NORTH DEVON.
Then secondly a few days in gorgeous CORNWALL.
Beautiful flowers grown by my beautiful granddaughter.
A veritable CORNUCOPIA of CELTICNESS.
You would have thought that with all this relaxation and beautiful surroundings my HAIR would have decided to stay on my HEAD.
On returning home I stepped into the shower (ladies don’t jump).
After I had washed my hair I noticed that I was paddling in about an inch of water.
Investigating the PLUGHOLE I discovered what appeared to be a small knitted jumper BORROWER size.
I HATE CLEANING PLUGHOLES THEY ARE GROSS!
Walking into the sitting room this product was on the Telly.
TWO bottles of GIN or some decent wine.
TWO months supply of FURRY FOAM.
Yours ALOPECIA AURIATALY
P.S. I am still shaving my legs
P.P.S. Some eyebrow and eyelashes down the PLUGHOLE.
P.P.P.S. THE BORROWERS. See Mary Norton.
P.P.P.P.S. North Devon Photo courtesy of my dear friend Karen Owen.
DEVON and CORNWALL POLICE COMMISSIONER TONY HOGG has been given a TAXPAYER FUNDED allowance of £650 pounds a month because he has a two hour drive to POLICE HEADQUARTERS in EXETER from his home.
AH BLESS. MAYBE HE DIDN’T REMEMBER WHERE HE LIVED WHEN HE APPLIED FOR THE JOB!