CHICKEN, CHEESEGRATERS & HIRSUTE CHEFS

CHICKEN CHEESEGRATERS & HIRSUTE CHEFS
Oh dear! My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, it has been a funny old day. It started well when my dear friend Theresa called for her plants. It is her BIRTHDAY so we had a lovely chat and I gave her a little present of some KNITTED SLIPPERS and a card.

Ronald popped into town and bought a CHICKEN announcing that he would cook dinner. I prepared the potatoes whilst he was away and then sat at my lap-top to do some more FAMILY RESEARCH.

Ronald started cooking at 12 MID-DAY, there were lots of questions regarding cooking times but it all started to go wrong when he thought that 90minutes was 1 hour 10 minutes. Now he is an intelligent man but when it comes to COOKING his brains seem to go for a walk.

There was lots of banging and clanking and the oven door must have been opened and closed about 20 times. Then Ronald appeared with about 60% of his Moustache shaved off, presumably with a CHEESEGRATER as it was so patchy.

Why would you SHAVE your MOUSTACHE in the middle of cooking dinner?

At 4 o’clock I went into the kitchen and made the GRAVY. The dinner finally arrived at 4.35. It was DELICIOUS! But whilst eating it was difficult to control the giggles when facing a partially hirsute CHEF!

Yours Amusedly

Celia

MR FUCIK’s CARP BURGERS

MR FUCIK’S CARP BURGERS, I don’t fancy them do you?

These are the ASIAN CARP who are SEXY LITTLE BEASTS and have multiplied to such an extent they threaten THE GREAT LAKES of AMERICA.

 

 

They were originally introduced to southern US states more than three decades ago to control algal build-up in sewage treatment plants. But they escaped into the Mississippi River and proliferated, making their way north towards the Great Lakes.

 

 

Image

 

I am rather concerned about these fish according to a BBC report,  there is a great danger whilst going about your daily business of being slapped in the face by one. 

My dear friend Veronica is often CARPING on and sometimes when she is really enthusiastic about something it often feels like a VERBAL slap in the face. But I’d rather have that than a WET FISH any day.

The ENTERPRISING businessman called DIRK FUCIK is producing BURGERS out of them in his DOWNTOWN CHICAGO specialist fish shop. No offense MR FUCIK but I do not think I will be buying any.  The idea is to eat the fish out of EXISTENCE and use them as a food resource. Again no offence to my friends ACROSS THE POND but don’t you have enough food resources?  Like us BRITS there aren’t many SKINNY people in the USA .

Perhaps these fish could be used to aid HUNGER IN THE THIRD WORLD. Thereby helping to solve two problems at once.

These unusual  happenings are often the result of humans interfering with nature and as is quite often the case, the SOLUTION used comes back and SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE.

Which brings me back to my concerns, with all this extra WATER about with the FLOODS I shall be keeping a CARP-EYE out, when out and about just in case.

Yours Fishily

Celia

THE QUEEN & THE ECONOMIC PINCH

20140206-055834 pm.jpg
THE QUEEN AND THE ECONOMIC PINCH worried me so…….

I became the LADY OF SHALLOTS and cooked some I grew last year and had stored in the shed. I am going to make a SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE with them with some VEGGIE MINCE.

I hope the recipe turns out to be YUMMY AND TASTY as I am testing it out for my dear friend THE QUEEN.

I expect my dear ladies and occasional gentleman that you have seen in the PRESS that her Maj is feeling the ECONOMIC PINCH.

She rang me for advice and the first thing I said was, “stop buying those expensive PERSONALISED TOILET ROLLS with the CORGIS on!”.

The second was to cut down on some of her GROCERY expenses and suggested she tried replacing her PRIME SCOTCH BEEF MINCE with some VEGGIE MINCE.

“Maj ” I told her “you will all benefit from eating a little less MEAT”.

She said ” I CAN give up my SCOTCH MINCE but I will NOT give up my SAUSAGE!”

Yours Rebukedly

Celia

POTATOS & PATIENCE

POTATOS & PATIENCE

Oh my lord, how many instructions and discussions does it take to BAKE  TWO JACKET POTATOS?

On my way home yesterday afternoon, I popped into LIDLS and bought two large POTATOS, a bar of SWISS CHOCOLATE (they don’t sell MALTESERS) and a bottle of WINE. A nice easy supper I thought and I expect you my lovely ladies and occassional gentleman, thought the same.

That is until Ronald decided to cook said potatos.

It started well.

“I’ve scrubbed the potatos and PRICKED them, now what tin shall I use?” said Ronald, holding out his new square pan with ridges and his round pan

“The round one”

Five minutes later. “I’ve put them in the oven and set the timer for 30 minutes”

“Well done”

“After 30 minutes I’ll turn them over”

“OK”

“When I’ve turned them over, I’ll put them on again for 30 minutes”

“Tthey will take quite a while”

“Yes perhaps I’ll check them now they’ve been on for 20 minutes”

“OK”

“No they’re still hard”

“OK”

“Alarms gone off, I’ll turn them over”

“OK”

“I’ve turned them over, I’ll put the alarm on for 30 minutes”

“OK”

“They’re getting softer”

“OK”

“Everythings ready, just waiting for the potatos”

“OK”

“They’ll be ready in about 17 minutes to put the oil on”

“OK”

“I’m putting the olive oil on now”

“OK”

Ten minutes later “Here we are all ready” Ronald places potatos on the table.

“Are you sure they are ready? You have only just put the oil on.

“Yes” confidently

I sit, I cut through the SOFT skin, oh-oh, they are hard in the middle and I don’t know about you but that is why I put OLIVE OIL on my potatoes because it makes them crispy on the outside not SOGGY! 

“Ronald you have no patience, you just have to put the potatos in the oven and forget about them”

“Well mine are fine, I’m hungry” Ronald eats his potato, casting moody glances at me, whilst I wait for mine to finish cooking in the oven.

It’s tough being a CHEF.

Ronald’s still in a huff and his new CERAMIC PANS haven’t arrived yet.

Yours Hungrily

Celia

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL
Oh dear Ronald has discovered HOME SHOPPING CHANNELS. He appears to have ordered two CERAMIC PANS.

I was getting ready to go out to PANTOMIME rehearsals. I had only left him for 20 minutes alone with the TV REMOTE, whilst I collected, COSTUMES, TABLET with the music on, SCRIPT and TORCH.

When I returned to say goodbye, I wasn’t allowed to leave I had to stand in my HAT, SCARF, WINTER COAT AND FUR-LINED BOOTS, in the heated SITTING ROOM and watch a DEMONSTRATION by a YOUNG HIP CHEF cooking in one pan whilst cooking and burning something in a second pan. Miraculously the YOUNG HIP CHEF took the BURNT OFFERINGS tipped them into a bin and proceeded to wipe clean with a piece of KITCHEN ROLL said BURNT pan.

Ronald was seriously impressed and now that he has taken up cooking he NEEDED these pans, he told me. I left before I passed out with HEAT-STROKE or BOREDOM.

On my return, I checked my E-MAILS before going to bed and there sat SMUGLY in my inbox a receipt for TWO CERAMIC PANS!

I received a parcel today and Ronald ran into the hall shouting “Are those my pans?”

No dear it is my NEW WOOL, how exciting.

I had ordered some to knit a CHUNKY SPRING CARDIGAN for Saskia and Seraphina, I have the WOOL for Morellos but I think she wants to knit it for herself.

So I suggest dear ladies and occasional gentleman, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR TV REMOTE IN UNTRAINED HANDS – CARELESSNESS COSTS YOU POUNDS!

Ronald will be STALKING the POSTMAN until his parcel arrives.

Yours Woolily

Celia

LENTIL & LEEK LADYLIKE SOUP

imageLENTIL & LEEK LADYLIKE SOUP

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as I did not receive any LADYLIKE RECIPES from you, I can only assume that you do not possess any.

I met Gwendoline at our CRAFT AFTERNOON yesterday and indeed she confessed to not possessing any culinary skills whatsoever!

However she did produce from the depths of her capacious bag an item that can only be described as QUISQUILIOUS. I cannot wait to see the finished article next month.

Linney not unsurprisingly was KNITTING ANOTHER CUSHION! Many more and there won’t be room for the cat!

I have concocted my own little RECIPE for tomorrow’s luncheon with Veronica, here it is if you wish to make it for yourselves.

Two handfuls of red lentils, one & a half leeks, one large onion, three cloves of garlic, half of a small green de-seeded chilli, one tin of chopped tomatoes, paprika, vegetable stock, salt & pepper.
Boil the lentils 25 mins whilst gently sautéing leeks & onions. Add lentils and the rest of the ingredients to the pan and simmer. Serve with your own choice of bread or rolls.

I will let you know Veronica’s verdict.

Yours Soupily

Celia

SPAM-MUSABE

Image

 

This is Veronica’s recipe for Spam Musabi. Unlike hers (see above picture) mine did not look at all appetizing and as I haven’t touched Spam since 1963, I wasn’t about to start now!. Veronica is into foraging and also likes to share her discoveries.Although after our recent Mothers Union Kindle Group meeting; I shall think twice before sharing other people’s culinary offerings. It’s not easy cleaning up after a miniature schnauzer they’re very hirsute.

Virginia that knitted sick bucket didn’t work, please test out your patterns yourself before you inflict them on the rest of us

More about the kindle meeting in my next post

Yours Queasily

Celia.

CRAB’S ANYONE?

CRABS ANYONE?
CRABS ANYONE?

CRABS ANYONE? Pocohontas, Little Nanook and hirsute Roley inspect their catch.

An extremely viscious crustacean, cross at being hauled out of the sea once again by little people and their enticing bacon bits. Having previously been caught and suffered loss of limbs by an unknown assailant; it wasn’t best pleased to repeat the experience and with thoughts of crab sandwiches in it’s head, demonstrated this by a malevolent snap with a resultant cut to Little Nanook’s index finger.

Pocohontas & Little Nanook decided to return said crusty and proceeded WITHOUT caution down the slippery slipway to the sea. Pocohontas acting like Dangerous Doris went even further down some crumbling steps giving me heart palpitations and a desperate need for the ‘Ladies’.

Little Nanook sensibly decided he would remain at a safer position and crusty could take his chances and he spun around flinging the creature at high velocity from the bucket in a perfect arc and rapidly dropping the few feet or so back to his watery home.

Picnicking on fresh cod & chips with lashings of salt & vinegar eaten straight from the paper, whilst looking out at the yachts sailing past. The perfect end to the summer holidays.

Yours Crabbily

Celia

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: