WHY? WHY? WHY my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, when you try and PULL on your skinny JEGGINGS your foot ALWAYS I repeat ALWAYS gets WEDGED crossways?
WHERE ARE BOB’S BOOBS?
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, you may be confused as to Bob’s boobs. It is PANTOMIME TIME hence my absence and it is a serious matter when you are 20 minutes to CURTAIN UP and the DAME’S BOOBS have gone walkabout! Luckily they were found, MRS BIGGERBUNS thought they were HIS by mistake. Easily done in the MAYHEM of the dressing room.
Theresa was complimented on her FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW, Madam Sinagalot was struggling to haul up her tights that were stuck around her knees and one of the DONGERS had put his NAKED MAN SUIT on back to front and couldn’t find his COMFORT HOLE!
All in all a great first night.
OH NO IT WASN’T, OH YES IT WAS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, we are well into our pantomime rehearsals and it is going well and definitely coming together. The cast have cast aside their scripts and are beginning to act onstage as well as off.
Here is a picture of the last maid’s apron I have just finished and a smoking cap made out of a waistcoat. The cap is awaiting a large tassel, not easy to find are they ladies? I need to get my dear friend Veronica the famous forager to seek one out, she has a thing about tassels.
BRASSIERES & THE WRONG TROUSERS
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, attending a ‘Spring Market’ the other day with my dear friend Veronica, I noticed A WORRYING TREND. We all like to relax at home in our relaxing garments, ELASTICATED WAISTBANDS, vests with REINFORCED CHEST area so you don’t have to wear a BRASSIERE (not of course the occasional gentleman), (well only if you have MAN-BOOBS), LAST SUMMER’S T-SHIRTS, the dipping hem CARDIGAN your GRANNY knitted, you understand what I mean. However what we DON’T DO is wear these garments out and about IN PUBLIC!
The gentlemen were the first culprits, many of them were wearing THE WRONG TROUSERS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am going to spare you. There will NOT be any pictures, it was disturbing enough for my SENSIBILITIES and I am a WOMAN OF THE WORLD. I think we would all agree that the worst culprit is the JOGGING TROUSER, now we know they are as comfortable as wearing your PYJAMAS but that is the reason they must only be worn for PHYSICAL EXERCISE and LITTLE JOBS at home or RELAXING.
For a gentleman in jogging trousers, there is too much ROOM FOR IDLE HANDS in those FRONT POCKETS, isn’t there ladies? Far too much JIGGLING AROUND going on! they just cannot help themselves. One man looked as if he had borrowed his joggers from his COWS and had put them on in the dark. They were half up his TUMMY half down, twisted almost on sideways, the bottoms were heading to his KNEES not his ANKLES and they were adorned with COW POO. not a good look for an April Spring Fayre. Although he was a SMILEY man so he’s forgiven.
There were some lovely summery colourful ladies; one sporting a new PINK FLORAL SUMMER DRESS with spaghetti straps. Now she had bought it in her correct size. Unfortunately she had decided to wear it without underwear and her Bosoms were resting on the accompanying PINK SHINY BELT at her waist; there was a lot of Bosom!
LADIES PLEASE! Always wear a BRASSIERE or BIKINI TOP under a skimpy sundress unless you are under 9 years of age!
My congratulations go to the lady in her 60’s who was sporting a pair of SHORT YELLOW LINEN SHORTS over thick BROWN TIGHTS with a WHITE CARDIGAN over.
How interesting and wonderful people are, let us all go out and WEAR WHAT WE LIKE, dare to be different, experiment with COLOUR and STYLE but always remember, KEEP YOUR BRASSIERES ON!
p.s. I just wanted to point out that I didn’t mean I wear just an ELASTICATED WAISTBAND on its own, it is always accompanied by a trouser. C
FALLING OVER JUICE, DAD’S FROCK & MY HOOCHIE -COOCHIE
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence, I only hope as the saying goes ‘ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER”.
In my defense I have been up to my HOOCHIE-COOCHIE in the pantomime. “OH NO YOU HAVEN’T!” “OH YES I HAVE!”.
We start at 6.00 putting on the MAKE-UP and there is nearly always a RUGBY SCRUM between the men as to who gets in the MAKE-UP CHAIR first. What is it with men and make-up, it is always the same whatever production I am in or DIRECTING.
TO be perfectly honest we all love the DRESSING-UP, the make-up and becoming a different character but the men just cannot wait to put a FROCK AND MAKE-UP on and heaven forbid you try and put a different eyeshadow colour on them!
It makes for some interesting conversations such as “Chloe if you bring your DAD’S FROCK up I can do the alterations”. “Stuart, you have BLUE EYESHADOW or PINK ?”
They are an amazing bunch of people and their AGES RANGE FROM 4 YEARS OLD TO 90 YEARS OLD. It is a joy to watch them come together over the 7 weeks of rehearsals bonding into this enthusiastic cast. They support and help each other and we all have so much FUN which is a commodity worth its wait in gold. A great VILLAGE EVENT and we have our last performance this evening.
There is a quantity of ‘FALLING OVER” juice consumed throughout the week’s run (only by the adults of course) so next week I shall be ABSTAINING. This may make me a little GRUMPY so I apologise in advance if I am a little ACERBIC.
ALCHEMY, FORAGING, LINEN & SKITTLES.
Good afternoon my lovely ladies and occasional gentleman. Hello to all my new readers, how flattered am I that you enjoy my little BLISS. Hello to a lovely lady, Barbara over the pond in AUSTIN, TEXAS and hello to a new occasional gentleman Eli, all the way from Australia. I cannot mention you all but I will if you feel like commenting or want a chat.
This morning I visited my friend VERONICA, Oh what fun we had.
Veronica was teaching me how to make BATH-BOMBS, an unfortunate name I prefer BATH-MELTS, not so explosive. She is a clever little ALCHEMIST with her ESSENTIAL OILS and other wonderful ingredients.
Afterwards we went out for a LADIES LIGHT LUNCH, how lovely. Followed by a FORAGE (Veronica has a bent for it) in the CHARITY SHOPS.
It is interesting who you see skulking around the ladies section, people who would rather have you believe their garments came from JOHN LEWIS! We did meet some of our lady-friends and had a jolly chat, what fun.
Veronica is an expert at WHIPPING HER CLOTHES OFF in a small space. She found a very CHIC ‘ELLA MODA linen dress for me and a LAURA ASHLEY for herself. I discovered a LOOSE LINEN top for Ronald very OUZO, he likes a bit of GREEK.
I must dash, we are off out for a SKITTLES DINNER this evening, we’ve been invited because Ronald plays when the local team are a man short.