NAUGHTY PARTIES!

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NAUGHTY PARTIES!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, FELICITATIONS at this ADVENT season. What a busy time it has been, hence my absence.

Sparks have been flying from my KNITTING and SEWING needles (Ronald has taken to wearing SAFETY GLASSES) as I race to complete festive gifts. image
Who doesn’t need ELF BUNTING?

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Last Friday evening I accompanied my dear friend Veronica to a CHRISTMAS FAIR where she displayed her wonderful HOMEMADE SOAPS and other lovely SMELLIES. Veronica had gone off foraging for MULLED CIDER to keep off the chill and I was MANNING the stall in my own ladylike way, enjoying the music, happy families, decorations and CHRISTMAS atmosphere, WHEN! A man SIDLED up to the stall and picked up one of Veronica’s cards offering PARTIES.
He LEERED at me muttering “mmmmm you do parties do you? I think I’d like you to do me a party”
I just did that silly little giggle that one does when one is nervous, luckily Veronica returned knocking the hopeful PARTY-GOER clear out of the way with her LARGE-BOTTOM glasses of MULLED CIDER!

Yours Ciderly

Celia

P.S. Ronald has just returned from Lidls where he was SEDUCED by this CRISTMAS REINDEER PACK OF SCENTED TOILET ROLLS with SNOWFLAKES, REINDEERS AND CHRISTMAS TREES on them. WORRYING!
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SISTERS, STRING-VESTS & SHOP-BOUGHT BATTENBURG

SISTERS, STRING-VESTS & SHOP-BOUGHT BATTENBURG you may ask.

How bold am I this afternoon? As you will see I have attached a video for your perusal. Now I want you to keep it to yourselves as it is a video of my dear sister Joan. I am only showing you because she is off with her new husband PACO, who wears immaculate white linen suits and treats her like a GODDESS, on a jolly to the MALDIVES.

Sadly her first husband was a dissappointment and she didn’t discover his STRING-VEST until the HONEYMOON. Being a lady the first time she saw him undressed was on their wedding night. Oh he was a trial, how my dear sister put up with it I don’t know, she was a MARTYR.

She would lay out her LADYLIKE TEA of an afternoon, the same as I’m sure you my dear ladies and the occasional gentleman do; A pot of tea, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and a lovely VICTORIA SPONGE. Occasionaly she would make some super EGG sandwiches from a recipe that our dear QUEEN slipped me after a MAUNDAY THURSDAY service. But not a bite would pass HIS LIPS, HE WOULD DEMAND FISH-PASTE DOORSTEP sandwiches and a piece of SHOP-BOUGHT BATTENBERG, with a 2 litre bottle of CIDER. How could any lady put up with that for long and I am not even going to mention his personal habits!

Anyway that is all in the past and I am still fretting about what to serve Veronica for lunch tomorrow!

Yours Frettingly

Celia

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