CHICKEN, CHEESEGRATERS & HIRSUTE CHEFS

CHICKEN CHEESEGRATERS & HIRSUTE CHEFS
Oh dear! My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, it has been a funny old day. It started well when my dear friend Theresa called for her plants. It is her BIRTHDAY so we had a lovely chat and I gave her a little present of some KNITTED SLIPPERS and a card.

Ronald popped into town and bought a CHICKEN announcing that he would cook dinner. I prepared the potatoes whilst he was away and then sat at my lap-top to do some more FAMILY RESEARCH.

Ronald started cooking at 12 MID-DAY, there were lots of questions regarding cooking times but it all started to go wrong when he thought that 90minutes was 1 hour 10 minutes. Now he is an intelligent man but when it comes to COOKING his brains seem to go for a walk.

There was lots of banging and clanking and the oven door must have been opened and closed about 20 times. Then Ronald appeared with about 60% of his Moustache shaved off, presumably with a CHEESEGRATER as it was so patchy.

Why would you SHAVE your MOUSTACHE in the middle of cooking dinner?

At 4 o’clock I went into the kitchen and made the GRAVY. The dinner finally arrived at 4.35. It was DELICIOUS! But whilst eating it was difficult to control the giggles when facing a partially hirsute CHEF!

Yours Amusedly

Celia

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL

HOME SHOPPING, STALKING & NEW WOOL
Oh dear Ronald has discovered HOME SHOPPING CHANNELS. He appears to have ordered two CERAMIC PANS.

I was getting ready to go out to PANTOMIME rehearsals. I had only left him for 20 minutes alone with the TV REMOTE, whilst I collected, COSTUMES, TABLET with the music on, SCRIPT and TORCH.

When I returned to say goodbye, I wasn’t allowed to leave I had to stand in my HAT, SCARF, WINTER COAT AND FUR-LINED BOOTS, in the heated SITTING ROOM and watch a DEMONSTRATION by a YOUNG HIP CHEF cooking in one pan whilst cooking and burning something in a second pan. Miraculously the YOUNG HIP CHEF took the BURNT OFFERINGS tipped them into a bin and proceeded to wipe clean with a piece of KITCHEN ROLL said BURNT pan.

Ronald was seriously impressed and now that he has taken up cooking he NEEDED these pans, he told me. I left before I passed out with HEAT-STROKE or BOREDOM.

On my return, I checked my E-MAILS before going to bed and there sat SMUGLY in my inbox a receipt for TWO CERAMIC PANS!

I received a parcel today and Ronald ran into the hall shouting “Are those my pans?”

No dear it is my NEW WOOL, how exciting.

I had ordered some to knit a CHUNKY SPRING CARDIGAN for Saskia and Seraphina, I have the WOOL for Morellos but I think she wants to knit it for herself.

So I suggest dear ladies and occasional gentleman, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR TV REMOTE IN UNTRAINED HANDS – CARELESSNESS COSTS YOU POUNDS!

Ronald will be STALKING the POSTMAN until his parcel arrives.

Yours Woolily

Celia

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