My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, there have been a SERIES of UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.
We were looking after our son’s dogs when UNFORTUNATELY the puppy JUMPED Ronald’s BARRIER of ladders on top of the garden wall and LEAPT into the field with the BULLOCKS.
I slipped on my WELLINGTONS whilst YELLING at Ronald (who was in bed drinking tea) and made my way in my DRESSING GOWN along the road and down the lane.
I thought RONALD was following me to the FIELD-GATE but I heard a COMMOTION and Roley barking in distress.
Ronald had decided in his WISDOM to follow the dog and JUMP over into the field.
UNFORTUNATELY as he LEAPT he caught his leg on the BARBED WIRE fence, to steady himself he REACHED and GRABBED the LADDER which then LANDED ON TOP of him.
FORTUNATELY the weight of it disengaged his leg from the BARBED WIRE.
UNFORTUNATELY he fell into a VAST pile of COW SHIT.
FORTUNATELY it was a soft landing.
UNFORTUNATELY he received numerous PUNCTURES, CUTS bruises and a possible BROKEN RIB.
FORTUNATELY the dog came to me and slid under the field-gate.
The MORAL of the story THINK before you LEAP.