A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so
As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.
The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.
I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.
For Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg
For Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y
Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.
Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside
POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.
A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.
It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL ingredients and I know what’s in it.
In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD
Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.
WARNING! ALWAYS ENSURE A THOROUGH RINSE OF THE LADYGARDEN WHEN USING IMPREGNATED SOAP!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will understand my feelings if you too have a husband, wife, partner or child with this ABILITY.
If I am watching a PROGRAMME or FILM that Ronald is NOT interested in he either reads his book, which is great or he will wander about, which is not.
When you have watched intently for the past 45 minutes and just at the point where the MURDERER/LOVER/PLOT whatever is being revealed, this happens.
“It’s really windy out there.” Or, “Hirsute Roley enjoyed his walk today she did a POO.” Or ” Want a cup of tea love?” Or
“Should I put sweet potato in my ratatouille tomorrow?”
All said whilst stood in front of the television!
p.s. Book available as e-book or paperback from
MELLOW LELLO, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman is just the right phrase.
Livraria Lello is the correct name for this wonderful bookshop.
If you are ever in PORTO, do take the time for a visit, it is well worth it.
However my dears, I would advise that you visit before partaking of any ALCOHOLIC BEVERIDGES.
The surreal staircases (think Harry Potter) are not to be tackled after imbibing LIQUID REFRESHMENTS.
I managed to ascend the first flight but on reaching that first SUMMIT. and having to decide to either turn left or right for the next flight, (I’m sure those stairs were moving) I FROZE.
Ronald who had already reached the top luckily peered over the balcony and spotted me on HANDS and KNEES, completely BLOCKING the stairs with a waiting group of camera snapping JAPANESE tourists behind me.
The only way was up and with Ronald’s support and eyes closed I made it.
I don’t think I can put all the blame on the PORT, I am just not very good with heights.
p.s. Thank you to all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have purchased my new book.
READ ALL ABOUT IT! BREAKING NEWS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, today is an auspicious day, it is my late mothers birthday, bless her.
So as a present to her this is the perfect day for publishing my first book.
I have been working in collaboration with my dear friend Glenda who has written about one of my MOMENTOUS ADVENTURES.
Now I am not sure if this is the done thing or correct ETIQUETTE for putting on ones ‘BLISS’ so forgive me.
I’m just hoping that my fellow villagers like their moment of FAME.
p.s. Please don’t feel a obliged but the book is on AMAZON as an ebook, paperback to follow shortly. C x
BRUSSELMANCER, yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman I can feel your confusion (see it’s already working, I know what you are thinking)
I have just read about a lady who is an ASPARAMANCER, mmn exactly. Apparently she can tell the future from casting her fresh WORCESTERSHIRE grown ASPARAGUS and interpreting what it tells her.
I thought I would give it a try as I am writing a BOOK and thought I could find out how SUCCESSFUL it will be. Unfortunately I didn’t have any WORCESTERSHIRE ASPARAGUS about my person but I did have some DEVONSHIRE BRUSSEL SPROUTS.
Here is my first casting.
I think I need more practise as I’m not sure what this is telling me.
If my dear ladies and occasional gentleman you are more skilled in the art of BRUSSELMANCING, PLEASE if you have the time interpret this casting for me.
In the meantime, back to the writing.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, do you like to read? I know I do.
If you like to read and enjoy a good chuckle perhaps you might like to read this, a sci-fi comedy romp across the multiverse.
ps. Available on Amazon