My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I can sympathise with TIM PEAKE.

I too am FIGHTING a battle with GRAVITY.

This morning when looking in my MAGNIFYING MIRROR which I have to GIRD MY LOINS to do, I made a DISCOVERY.

I have a small SCAR on the middle of my CHEEK, the result of leaping off a bed and catching it on a hook on a cupboard.

I looked and it was MISSING!


Heading towards my JAWLINE!

Yours Gravitily



My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, let us talk HAIRSTYLES. Shall we forget KIM JONG IL? The BABY-FACED GRIM LEADER LOOK is not very flattering is it?

Let’s be honest who would voluntarily want the same hairstyle as young Kim, apart from SIMON COWELL of course. Which is presumably why it was sent out as a directive.

So I am starting my very own trend ‘THE LADYGARDEN STYLE’. I can feel the VIBRATIONS over the MICROWAVES your EXCITED by the thought of it aren’t you?

So here dear ladies and occasional gentleman is a picture of me ( oh yes it is) in my dear friend Veronica’s kitchen assisting with a little BATH-BOMB creativity.

If you look carefully you will see my LOVELY LADY face has been painted out.
This is so that you can put your own face in. Then HEY PRESTO you have a LADYGARDEN STYLE.

So come on my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, JOIN IN THE FUN add your face onto my picture for your LADYGARDEN STYLE.

Yours Bouffantly



This morning I took mothers book out of it’s Nike plastic bag; there was no way I was giving it to her with ‘Just Do It’ on the front. It might reinforce any ideas she might have.
As I pulled it out a receipt slipped out for HEAVY DUTY HAIR REMOVAL CREAM and a packet of GAULOISES. Hmm possibly Dolly’s, Miss Baines is so dried up that her follicles are too tight to release any hairs. Plus there was a strong smell and a few crumbs of MARZIPAN. Now I know for a fact that Miss Baines is partial to a BATTENBURG because Harold told me she brings it in one of those American style lunch-pails as they call them. We ladies would call it a lunch-box any way she has a padlock on it. I think the ladies had been perusing THE BOOK!

Arrived at mothers to find her in a bit of a state “the mists are descending over my eyes, my time has come”. She had opened the curtains and looked out of the window and it was all misty and blurred. Realised she had cleaned them with Windolene and forgotten to polish it off!

I polished off the windows with a clean cloth from the airing cupboard, it was only when I had finished I realised they were a pair of Y FRONTS, have no idea whose they were and didn’t ask.

Left her reading the book, dunking a GINGER NUT and with a big smile on her face.

Yours Concernedly



What a beautiful day ladies it was so hot I broke out my thongs. Now I know some of you will disapprove and some of you will say that they are uncomfortable. Mine are a pretty peach colour and look lovely against a lightly tanned skin.

Ronald is quite a fan and although these days I need a slightly larger size than I once did, I think a lady of a certain age can still carry off the look.

Walking little Roley this afternoon was a joy with the sun shining, the birds singing and all the lovely wild flowers out. There might have been the odd twinge of discomfort but it was worth it.

Yours Sunnily


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