You see my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, this was all you needed to make yourself beautiful in 1935. A BATH!

Who new that HARD TAP WATER would ROB YOU OF THE BLOOM OF YOUTH. These wondrous BATH CUBES super-charged the water with BEAUTIFYING OXYGEN giving you ALL OVER LOVELYNESS.

I Really must have a word with my dear friend Veronica to see if her BATH BOMBS are SUPER-CHARGED.

Yours Beautifully




My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, It seems many of the BEAUTY PRODUCT providers are launching new NIGHT CREAMS that take advantage of the body’s INTERNAL CIRCADIAN RYTHMS. They say when we sleep our skin cells RENEW themselves. Call me daft if you like but if our skin cells naturally renew themselves whilst we sleep why do we need expensive DESIGNER creams?

I have been looking into INNER CIRCADIAN RYTHMS, they regulate the timing of periods of sleepiness and wakefulness during the day . Our circadian rythm dips and rises at different times of the day, not unlike other parts of the body I am thinking. The bodies RECTAL TEMPERATURE changes but I am not looking into that!

I am not averse to using creams and lotions, I am sure I enjoy using them as much as you do my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. Ronald certainly likes to apply cream.

It makes sense to moisturise after you have been for a BRACING walk in the WINTER weather or after a shower or removal of make-up. They say that a good nights sleep is still the best BEAUTY TREATMENT of all ,although sometimes harder to achieve.

IF YOU HAVE TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES you can purchase a SILK EYE-MASK and SLIPPERS (I would advise not to wear them in bed)  for £395  to aid your sleep or you can copy me and CLOSE THE CURTAINS and pull the DUVET up over your ears.

Ladies there is also a suggestion by the beauty industry that our necks “CAN REALLY BETRAY A WOMAN’S AGE” several suggestions include a SEVEN WEEK NECK TREATMENT PLAN  costing £650. 

I SAY “LEAVE OUR NECKS ALONE!” I wasn’t worried about it until I read this article. We cannot even say that the ‘Beauty Industry’ targets us women alone. Oh no, even the gentlemen are now expected to spend a fortune on PEELING, WAXING, PLUCKING, MOISTURISING, MAKE-UP etc. Which at least makes me feel better.

What about looking yourself, a face with character. A face that shows you have lived life. Why do we all have to LOOK THE SAME. The new wave of CELEBRITIES, certainly the women all look the same. But look at our good actresses, they use their individuality to create roles, their faces wouldn’t work in roles where they need to portray REAL WOMEN.

Our young people need to express themselves in so many ways, that is what growing up and learning about life is about. So let them dye their hair, plaster pounds of make-up on, wear what they want, let them express themselves. But tell them you love them, tell them they look great, say you love their individuality. But always remember you are the parent, guardian, uncle, aunt, older brother or sister, whatever , there are times when they have to comply to the rules.

Sadly a lot of our young people are unhappy, we should be ashamed. It is up to us to change things, our children are our future, let us treasure them and guide them.

Let us all WOMEN and MEN embrace each other  and make a stand, let us give young people REAL LIFE MODELS to follow. Real people with, spots, wrinkles, lovely smiles, kindness (oops sorry had to go, Ronald served up a wonderful SUNDAY LUNCH, back now) lumps, bumps, long legs, short legs, people who can sing, who can make you laugh, who are good at hugs, who are just there for you. 

I love my body, I love Ronald’s body, I love little hirsute Roley’s body,why don’t you all love yours, it’s the only one you have.

Oh my goodness, I have just realised I have rather gone off on my SOAPBOX. I do APOLOGISE, I think the two glasses of wine may have had something to do with it.

Yours Apologetically



IS EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD SELLING AVON? Because it certainly seems like it. It used to be that a CATALOGUE would plop onto the door-mat bi-monthly. Now it seems one arrives bi-weekly!

How many BEAUTY PRODUCTS does one need? Or HAIR PRODUCTS, JEWELLERY and UNDERWEAR come to that. I have nothing against Avon please believe that and I am aware that it can provide income for MOTHERS who work at home looking after their families.

On a personal note my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I enjoy MAKE-UP and my MOISTURISERS. I like to enhance my NATURALLY ATTRACTIVE GOOD LOOKS but you actually need very few beauty products to achieve this.

I have the opposite of BODY DYSMORPHIA, I always look in the mirror and think “You look lovely today”. I put an outfit on and look in the mirror and think ” looking good”. I must CONFESS to having a little wobble when I look at photographs of myself but it is usually because the CAMERA angle is wrong or they have used a WIDE LENS.

Must dash Ronald’s made a FISH-PIE and he has just put it in the DINING TABLE with a lovely glass of WHITE WINE.

Yours Fishily


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