POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.

A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.

It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL  ingredients and I know what’s in it.

In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD

Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.


Yours Soapily



My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will understand my feelings if you too have a husband, wife, partner or child with this ABILITY.


If I am watching a PROGRAMME or FILM that Ronald is NOT interested in he either reads his book, which is great or he will wander about, which is not.

When you have watched intently for the past 45 minutes and just at the point where the MURDERER/LOVER/PLOT whatever is being revealed, this happens.

“It’s really windy out there.” Or, “Hirsute Roley enjoyed his walk today she did a POO.” Or ” Want a cup of tea love?” Or

“Should I put sweet potato in my ratatouille tomorrow?”

All said whilst stood in front of the television!

Yours Testily


p.s. Book available as e-book or paperback from



IT’S PANTOMIME TIME AGAIN – OH NO IT ISN’T – OH YES IT IS, dear ladies and occasional gentleman, ST URITH’s is bracing itself for a little bit of DICK – WHITTINGTON that is.

It was dress rehearsal last night, oh what larks.

Gertie lost her (his) wig and grabbed a substitute that looked like a PINK BUSH that was distinctly in need of a good TRIM.

The DAME put his DRESS on and after I had pinned him in realized he had his VEST on underneath and he hadn’t put his BRASSIERE on!

With a complicated manouvre he extracted  the VEST without removing the DRESS, stuffed his FAKE BOOBS down his front and tossed his BLUE BRASSIERE aside.

Needless to say they DIDN’T stay in place during the rigors of THE SALSA. I think he’s learned a lesson all of us should adhere too.


Curtain up Thursday and under the gaze of ST GENESIUS let us perform well.

Yours Stagily


P.S. Exciting news the BOOK is PUBLISHED, my dear little ghost-writer friend has scribbled away as I dictated one of my little ADVENTURES. I do hope you enjoy my little ROMP in the CRIMINAL world. It is available on AMAZON, here is a link, I think? Celia
Celia Ladygarden


MELLOW LELLO, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman is just the right phrase.

Livraria Lello is the correct name for this wonderful bookshop.

If you are ever in PORTO,  do take the time for a visit, it is well worth it.

However my dears,  I would advise that you visit before partaking of any ALCOHOLIC BEVERIDGES.

The surreal staircases (think Harry Potter) are not to be tackled after imbibing LIQUID REFRESHMENTS.

I managed to ascend the first flight but on reaching that first SUMMIT. and having to decide to either turn left or right for the next flight, (I’m sure those stairs were moving) I FROZE.

Ronald who had already reached the top luckily peered over the balcony and spotted me on HANDS and KNEES, completely BLOCKING the stairs with a waiting group of camera snapping JAPANESE tourists behind me.

The only way was up and with Ronald’s support and eyes closed I made it.

I don’t think I can put all the blame on the PORT, I am just not very good with heights.

Yours Vertigoly


p.s. Thank you to all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have purchased my new book.


wp-1485439903944.jpgwp-1485440263315.jpgMy dear ladies and occasional gentleman, if you consider a little SOJOURN to OPORTO, you might consider a stay in the OPORTO COSY.

Built in the 190o’s it retains many original features, the optional breakfast is more than enough to keep you going through the day. Tea, coffee and wine can be served in your room but the best part of the GUESTHOUSE is the warm welcome and the service.

It is also great value for money.

Oporto is built on a hill running down to the river. The position of the guesthouse towards the top has a big ADVANTAGE, it means you can enjoy your, FOOD, WINE & PORT then WALK it off on the way back.

Yours Cosily


p.s. LUCKY ESCAPE, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman in the NEWS today was a story about a poor LADY who tried to drink her MINIATURE BOTTLE of VODKA on an EASY JET FLIGHT.

The flight attendants told her that she couldn’t drink it and even called the POLICE and asked for her to be ARRESTED.

Thank goodness the police had more sense and REFUSED.

I’m thinking that VERONICA and I were very LUCKY not to be ARRESTED when she FILLED Her WATER BOTTLE with VODKA & TONIC and I filled mine with GIN & TONIC and we took them on our FLIGHT to MORROCCO.



My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, today is an auspicious day, it is my late mothers birthday, bless her.

So as a present to her this is the perfect day for publishing my first book.

I have been working in collaboration with my dear friend Glenda who has written about one of my MOMENTOUS ADVENTURES.

Now I am not sure if this is the done thing or correct ETIQUETTE for putting on ones ‘BLISS’ so forgive me.

I’m just hoping that my fellow villagers like their moment of FAME.

Yours Publishy


p.s. Please don’t feel a obliged but the book is on AMAZON as an ebook, paperback to follow shortly. C x


Vino! Vino!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, one of the highlights of our OPORTO holiday was visiting the PORT side of the RIO DOURO.

We traveled down to the PONTE LUIS by FUNICULAR.

I must say as we went over the drop, rather like a slow ROLLER-COASTER, my FUNICULAR tightened!


The walk across the bridge on the two person path with competition for space from passing pedestrians, buses and cars alongside is HAIRY enough to make you DESPERATE for an ALCOHOLIC BEVERIDGE! Although it is handy having the odd WING-MIRROR to apply fresh LIP-BALM!

From the VILA NOVA DE GAIA there is a wonderful view across the river to the RIBEIRA district and the CATHEDRAL reaching towards the sky.


Traditional ROBELO boats UNIQUE to the DOURO region that carry PORT and other goods along the river.

WHITE PORT, chilled 3 euros for TWO glasses of DELICIOUSNESS, enjoyed in a small, friendly local bar. SEVERAL TIMES!


The FABULOUS PORTO AUGUSTOS, one of only three remaining Portuguese PORT businesses. If you only visit one cellar and a WINE TASTING, forget the big boys, TAYLORS, COCKBURNS, SANDEMANS etc., treat yourself to a visit here. Up a little side street and at only 5 euros for the tour and a wine tasting, which is deducted from the price of a purchase if made and who wouldn’t.

The tour was informative, interesting, funny and delivered with enthusiasm by a member of the family; she was clearly a  PORT WINE lover. The tasting was fun and a treat to the taste-buds. Our kind guide brought us EXTRAS, it would have been rude to refuse so we ploughed on with VINTAGE WHITES, TAWNYS and REDS.

We chose a 20 ANOS TINTO, full of flavours with hints of WALNUTS and VANILLA, delicious.

Yours Portily



PORTO AUGUSTOS website: http://www.portoaugustos.pt/