“My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I are enjoying a few days away in a COTTAGE in CORNWALL.
It is EL SCORCHIO! Aren’t we lucky to have such gorgeous weather?
We are taking full advantage of our heated SWIMMING POOL then lounging in the sun to dry off.
Had a bit of bother with Ronald he will insist on STRIPPING OFF his swim shorts when leaving the pool area and drying himself off whilst standing on the lawn.
What’s wrong with that you may well ask, the problem is there a quite a few SQUIRRELS.
One BOLD little chap clearly entranced with the sight, GLEEFULLY bounded at a pace straight for what he thought was a BANQUET of NUTS!
I don’t think he’d ever been TAKEN OUT with an INFLATABLE FLAMINGO before!
Last night I had the PRIVILEGE of walking with two THOUSAND wonderful women on the NIGHT WALK FOR NORTH DEVON HOSPICE, raising money for this invaluable service and provision of night nurses.
We were entertained along the way by the wonderful TORRINGTON CAVALIERS. The SWEETS and PROSECCO was very welcome, hic!
Walking the TARKA TRAIL the scenery was beautiful accompanied by birdsong and with the bonus of this beautiful sunset.
Although Ronald has been looking after me today, he is also laughing at me. A LOT!
He described my post-walk condition to our far-flung children as follows: “You know when a chimpanzee walks on two legs swaying from side to side? That’s what mum looks like.”
Unfortunately my children’s sense of humour follows their father and they thought that was hilarious.
A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so
As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.
The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.
I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.
For Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg
For Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y
Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.
Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was casting my little eye over TWITTER and saw this interesting post from a dear occasional gentleman.
My RESPONSE was this
Within SECONDS I received this FOLLOW
POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.
A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.
It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL ingredients and I know what’s in it.
In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD
Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.
WARNING! ALWAYS ENSURE A THOROUGH RINSE OF THE LADYGARDEN WHEN USING IMPREGNATED SOAP!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will understand my feelings if you too have a husband, wife, partner or child with this ABILITY.
If I am watching a PROGRAMME or FILM that Ronald is NOT interested in he either reads his book, which is great or he will wander about, which is not.
When you have watched intently for the past 45 minutes and just at the point where the MURDERER/LOVER/PLOT whatever is being revealed, this happens.
“It’s really windy out there.” Or, “Hirsute Roley enjoyed his walk today she did a POO.” Or ” Want a cup of tea love?” Or
“Should I put sweet potato in my ratatouille tomorrow?”
All said whilst stood in front of the television!
p.s. Book available as e-book or paperback from
IT’S PANTOMIME TIME AGAIN – OH NO IT ISN’T – OH YES IT IS, dear ladies and occasional gentleman, ST URITH’s is bracing itself for a little bit of DICK – WHITTINGTON that is.
It was dress rehearsal last night, oh what larks.
Gertie lost her (his) wig and grabbed a substitute that looked like a PINK BUSH that was distinctly in need of a good TRIM.
The DAME put his DRESS on and after I had pinned him in realized he had his VEST on underneath and he hadn’t put his BRASSIERE on!
With a complicated manouvre he extracted the VEST without removing the DRESS, stuffed his FAKE BOOBS down his front and tossed his BLUE BRASSIERE aside.
Needless to say they DIDN’T stay in place during the rigors of THE SALSA. I think he’s learned a lesson all of us should adhere too.
BRASSIERE ON BEFORE DRESS.
Curtain up Thursday and under the gaze of ST GENESIUS let us perform well.
P.S. Exciting news the BOOK is PUBLISHED, my dear little ghost-writer friend has scribbled away as I dictated one of my little ADVENTURES. I do hope you enjoy my little ROMP in the CRIMINAL world. It is available on AMAZON, here is a link, I think? Celia