APPARENTLY THIS IS AN…………….

IRON!!! Yes an IRON my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. I know!!! It looks more like …. Well I’m not sure really.

I have a lovely new FRIEND and he was very EXCITED about the purchase of this SPACE-AGE iron.

Speaking as a lady who hasn’t used one of these in over 20 years, I’m CONFUSED.

Yours Flatly

Celia

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, there have been a SERIES of UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.

We were looking after our son’s dogs when UNFORTUNATELY the puppy JUMPED Ronald’s BARRIER of ladders on top of the garden wall and LEAPT into the field with the BULLOCKS.

 I slipped on my WELLINGTONS whilst YELLING at Ronald (who was in bed drinking tea) and made my way in my DRESSING GOWN along the road and down the lane. 

I thought RONALD was following me to the FIELD-GATE but I heard a COMMOTION and Roley barking in distress.

Ronald had decided in his WISDOM to follow the dog and JUMP over into the field.

UNFORTUNATELY as he LEAPT he caught his leg on the BARBED WIRE fence, to steady himself he REACHED and GRABBED the LADDER  which then LANDED ON TOP of him.

FORTUNATELY the weight of it disengaged his leg from the BARBED WIRE.

UNFORTUNATELY he fell into a VAST pile of COW SHIT.

FORTUNATELY it was a soft landing.

UNFORTUNATELY he received numerous PUNCTURES, CUTS bruises and a possible BROKEN RIB.

FORTUNATELY the dog came to me and slid under the field-gate.

The MORAL of the story THINK before you LEAP.

Yours Fortunately

Celia

BIRTHDAY 🎂

Hello my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, yes today is my BIRTHDAY.

I’m enjoying a lazy day in the sunshine in the garden.

I ‘m thankful for my WONDERFUL family, friends, readers and furry companions.

Even if Ronald forgot but because he is good to me every day, I know I’m lucky.

Happy birthday to all you fellow birthday people.

Yours Birthdayly

Celia

WOMAN NEARLY STRANGLED IN FREAK FOREST FALL

Dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this was NEARLY the HEADLINE in our local paper after I had a SPECTACULAR FALL in the FOREST.


Ronald and I were on our way back through the FOREST with our two HAIRY little DOGS

When I suddenly found myself FLYING through the air and FACE-PLANTING down on the FOREST floor.

A SOFT landing you might think and yes it was except my KNEES landed on a HANDY THICK BRANCH that was laying across the pathway.

Ronald had a slight PANIC and SLID his arm UNDER my NECK and tried to LIFT me up half STRANGLING ME  in the process.

I DID NOT WANT TO MOVE! 

I wanted to lay there and assess the  DAMAGE,  which was difficult when someone is trying to HOICK you up by your NECK!

LEAVE ME! JUST LEAVE ME A MINUTE! I was trying to shout but it was only when hirsute Roley intervened did Ronald RELEASE my NECK.

That was THREE WEEKS AGO and my KNEES are still BLACK,  BLUE, PURPLE.

FUNNILY enough RONALD has a few BLACK and BLUE BRUISES too.

Yours Sorely

Celia

I AM NOT A NUMBER!

“IAM NOT A NUMBER!” this my dear ladies and occasional gentleman is what Ronald was crying into the WIND as he bowled around the streets of PORTMEIRION in NORTH WALES.

I caught up with him as he was purchasing a two scoop SALTED caramel ICE-CREAM but he made off behind the MERMAID with the two tails, shouting “I WON’T BE A PAWN IN YOUR GAME!”

I snatched another glimpse of his panicked face as a LARGE WHITE balloon escaped from a sticky child’s hand and floated after him across the GIANT CHESS SET.


Leaving me to have  a lovely RELAXING time wandering around the pretty ITALIANATE gardens with quirky TROMPE L’OEIL and statues. If you haven’t seen or don’t know about the television programme ‘THE PRISONER’, don’t bother to read this as the references won’t mean a thing to you.

If you ever are in Snowdonia do visit PORTMEIRION you won’t be dissappointed.

I’ll leave you now as we are going for our morning walk with the dogs on the coastal path, the scenery is STUNNING. Sparkling blue sea and glorious mountains.

Only marred by our morning argument over Ronald’s stubbornness insisting that one of the mountains is SNOWDON, when quite clearly the GIANT one BEHIND it is SNOWDON. He knew he was wrong the first morning but there was no way he can admit it.

Yours Smugly

Celia

my thanks to Tim Richmond who gave me permission to use his postcard pictures.

If you would like to see more of his pictures of PORTMEIRION http://www.timrichmondphotography.co.uk

MY BOOK DEAR LADIES AND OCCASIONAL GENTLEMAN

TELEVISION WAKE UP – D-DAY VETERANS V BBC MEANIES!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman Ronald WOKE me at an UNGODLY HOUR this morning so that I could put the SUBTITLES on the TELEVISION so that the SOUND wouldn’t WAKE ME UP!!!

Thank you my dear friend Theresa for gifting Ronald the TV  and which he has INSTALLED in THE BEDROOM!

Yours Grumpily

Celia

P.S. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE BBC STOPPING FREE TV LICENSES FOR OVER 75’s

WE HAVE JUST CELEBRATED OUR VETERANS D-DAY – NICE WAY TO THANK THEM BBC!

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