OPEN WIDE my dear ladies and occasional gentleman. Now now let’s not get SMUTTY, besides I refuse to get down on my knees at my age.
No, today I had my 6 month appointment with the HYGIENIST and DENTIST, which I am sure like many of you struck FEAR in my HEART and BOWELS.

The HYGIENIST was very gentle and I survived to go on to see the DENTIST. Once inside the door and before he had me horizontal I GROWLED at ┬áhim “I have three things to say”

  1. I haven’t SLEPT properly for 3 WEEKS!
  2. I am experiencing a high level of PAIN!
  3. I am going to WRITE my BLISS today about my visit to YOU!

He shot back in his wheelie chair and looked far more NERVOUS than I felt.

Yours Toothily


p.s. This is what I woke up to this morning, definitely compensation for the dentist



My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, we have purchased a SLOW COOKER. Little did I know how SLOW it would be.

Ronald was infused with DESIRE to create a meal from his SLOW COOK, COOK BOOK, a gift for his birthday from our son and daughter-in-law.

He chose a BEEF HOTPOT for his first CULINARY ADVENTURE and carefully scribed a shopping list before heading off to the shops.

He started preparing at 12.30. At about 4.30 pm there was a HAPPY EJACULATION as he thought he had finished preparing the vegetables. Followed by a WILTING as he realized he had forgotten the potatoes.

This was when the RED WINE came out which helped him slice through to 6.00 pm when he was ready for SWITCH ON!

We ate our BEEF HOTPOT the next day and it was DELICIOUS.

SLOW COOKERS,  on the DOWNSIDE you must plan ahead, on the UPSIDE the food is DELICIOUS and it keeps ones husband OCCUPIED for  5 + hours.

Yours Yummily





Yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, there is such a thing.
Overheard whilst I was divesting myself of my clothing and wishing I hadn’t worn tight DENIM JEGGINGS which were now around my ankles like two TOURNIQUETS. Beginning to panic as I failed to remove the things and wishing I had used a disabled changing room with a seat. And yes I was in a changing room, not STRIPPING OFF in the middle of the store, when I overhead a telephone conversation between a customer and a staff member.

“Just hold on a moment and I will fetch the MANAGER OF NIGHTWEAR”
“Hello, I’m the MANAGER OF NIGHTWEAR how can I help you?”
“I’m very sorry, I can’t answer your question, you need the MANAGER OF PYJAMAS.”

Who knew this was a career option?

Yours Jeggingly


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