A SPACEMAN CAME TRAVELING my dear ladies and occasional gentleman well that’s what I thought on
Sunday evening at our village CHURCH SERVICE 9 LESSONS & CAROLS.
I had been asked to read a lesson, so Morello my daughter and I sat in a pew near the front. As we sat listening to the music waiting for the service to begin, out of the corner of my eye a SPACEMAN walked past and sat down in the pew opposite.
I turned to Morello “there’s a man in a spacesuit over there” I told her.
At the end of the service we retired to the LADYCHAPEL for a cup of TEA and a MINCE PIE. As we waited in the queue I spotted the SPACEMAN.
I couldn’t resist mouth overtook brain, ” I THOUGHT YOU WERE DRESSED AS A SPACEMAN” I jovially told him. He looked down at his WHITE JACKET with its SHINY rectangular patches and his white trousers in a PUZZLED manner as Morello dragged me away still chuckling.
CHAFFENED CHOCOLATE DERRIÈRE!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, much as it pains me to discuss such an intimate and distasteful matter, I feel compelled to in order to prevent you suffering the same distress I experienced last night.
Here is the CULPRIT!
This may just look like innocent REINDEER decorated toilet paper BUT if you look closely you will see that the decoration colour is BROWN!
And it SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE!
10 minutes of scrubbing and a CHAFFENED DERRIÈRE last night, before I realised it WASN’T ME!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, FELICITATIONS at this ADVENT season. What a busy time it has been, hence my absence.
Sparks have been flying from my KNITTING and SEWING needles (Ronald has taken to wearing SAFETY GLASSES) as I race to complete festive gifts.
Who doesn’t need ELF BUNTING?
Last Friday evening I accompanied my dear friend Veronica to a CHRISTMAS FAIR where she displayed her wonderful HOMEMADE SOAPS and other lovely SMELLIES. Veronica had gone off foraging for MULLED CIDER to keep off the chill and I was MANNING the stall in my own ladylike way, enjoying the music, happy families, decorations and CHRISTMAS atmosphere, WHEN! A man SIDLED up to the stall and picked up one of Veronica’s cards offering PARTIES.
He LEERED at me muttering “mmmmm you do parties do you? I think I’d like you to do me a party”
I just did that silly little giggle that one does when one is nervous, luckily Veronica returned knocking the hopeful PARTY-GOER clear out of the way with her LARGE-BOTTOM glasses of MULLED CIDER!
P.S. Ronald has just returned from Lidls where he was SEDUCED by this CRISTMAS REINDEER PACK OF SCENTED TOILET ROLLS with SNOWFLAKES, REINDEERS AND CHRISTMAS TREES on them. WORRYING!
WHAT IS THIS? My dear ladies and occasional gentleman today has been a glorious sunny 1st day of DECEMBER so my dear friend Gloria and I went for a walk taking little hirsute Roley with us.
It was very MILD and QUIET walking the lanes until I came upon this ALIEN CREATURE!
WHAT IS IT? If any of my dear ladies and occasional gentleman know please tell me.
I was EXCEEDINGLY BRAVE taking this photograph as I am distinctly ARACHNOPHOBIC!
This was not a good start to the FESTIVE SEASON, a ROBIN, REINDEER OR (W)RAPPING PAPER would have been more suitable.