I have fallen out with my dear friend Veronica.
She asked Ronald to come around and LOOK at her CRACK!
I was SHOCKED and took UMBRIDGE to this BOLD INTIMATE request, what a HUSSY!
I thought she was my friend and a LADY!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I tell you this SAD tale as a warning.
It turns out, she was DECORATING and had a CRACK in the plastered wall for which she wanted advice on how to deal with it.
Dear Celia, I have just found Ronald’s knob in my car. I think it fell off the rail I borrowed yesterday. I am now tackling my crack. I am ‘doing it myself’! Ronald said to gouge and fill. Yours Veronica