CHEEKY YOUNG MEN WITH HAIR!

CHEEKY YOUNG MEN WITH HAIR!
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Yesterday my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, myself and Veronica were on our way back from a busy ‘HOGWASH’ day CRAFT FAYRE, when we INADVERTANTLY stopped at the PUB. It seemed churlish not to enter and partake of a little RESTORATIVE WINE, so we did.

The POLITE young man with the HAIR behind the bar (I think he may have been a reject from OME DIRECTION) requested our drinks. Veronica in as FAST AS A FERRET asked for a DRY WHITE WINE SPRITZER, this was duly served to her. Turning to me he asked “and what would you like?”
“A glass of SAUVIGNON BLANC” I replied.
“Would you like the bottle with a straw in?” He asked.
Quite frankly I was shocked, what is a lady to think? Did I look like some kind of ‘ALCY?” Why me and not Veronica?
“How very dare you, what are you implying?” I asked.
He just laughed and said “I guess that’s just a medium then.

I think it may be all that HAIR, it ADDLES the brain, it’s not all that good for a young man even if it is only on the very top of the head. After all remember the HIPPIES?

Yours Affrontedly

Celia.

SHOCKING BONGOS!

SHOCKING BONGOS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, today I met an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a long while. Actually we were both having a RUMMAGE in the CHARITY shop. It was lovely to see her and catch up.

She did rather SHOCK me though when she told me that on IMPULSE she had purchased a ‘BONGO’ and apparently she and her husband are at it most weekends. It sounds exhausting but she looked quite CHIPPER.

She was so ANIMATED and excited when she was telling me about it, that I think I need to INVESTIGATE further.

I shall be CAUTIOUS after the BALLOON TECHNIQUE incident.

Yours Cautiously

Celia

UP UP & AWAY BALLOON TECHNIQUES

 

UP UP & AWAY BALLOON TECHNIQUES

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman the other evening I went for a walk with my dear friend Gloria. “We need to be back in time to go to the playing field for the BALLOON to go up”  enthused Gloria. Well to say I was taken aback would be an understatement!  I know that there is an inordinate amount of TURMOIL in the WORLD  and it is the anniversary  of THE GREAT WAR, WW1 but really what could be occurring of such magnitude on the VILLAGE PLAYING FIELD? As we made our way to the field there was a WHOOSH of HOT AIR, and NO  my dear ladies and occasional gentleman,  it was not ME! imageThis was the CULPRIT.

 

Not something you expect to see on a TUESDAY evening. It was very exciting and there was quite a TECHNIQUE to getting it UP IN THE AIR. imageWe sat on a bench enjoying the GLORIOUS evening sunshine, when Gloria said “wouldn’t it be pleasant to have a glass of wine while we sit here and watch”? Now I am not generally known for my speed but before you could say “UP UP & AWAY” I had nipped home and brought back two GLASSES and a bottle of SAUVIGNON BLANC. We had barely taken a sip, when my dear friend Titania (I hesitate to say any whiff of alcohol and she’s there) joined us on our bench. Nobody can say that Celia LADYGARDEN  is selfish, I immediately topped up our glasses and handed Titania the BOTTLE, from which she proceeded to drink from in a ladylike manner.

Unfortunately whilst researching information regarding BALLOON TECHNIQUES I discovered rather shockingly that it had another meaning! So if any gentlemen seeking information regarding their ‘LITTLE SOLDIER’ found my little ‘BLISS’ by mistake, I apologise.

Yours Blushingly
Celia.

ICE-LOLLIES & GARDEN FAIRIES IN THE LADYGARDEN

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ICE-LOLLIES & GARDEN FAIRIES IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, as you can see from this photograph, there was a lot of ACTIVITY in the front LADYGARDEN  residence this morning. It was an absolute hive of ACTIVITY, the GARDEN FAIRIES were in.

In the forefront you can see Andy’s TOOL, the other fairies were very JEAlOUS. It was so HEAVY he had to stop and have a rest! And it was sooo HOT I had to break out the ICE LOLLIES!

Yours Swoonily

Celia

p.s They are available for work all over the world.

BRIAN GETS HIS SAUSAGE OUT!

BRIAN GETS HIS SAUSAGE OUT!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, it was all quiet and not a lot happening when Veronica and I arrived at the CRAFTS AND FARMERS MARKET this morning. Although we were very pleased to see a rather JOLLY mobile HABERDASHERY van parked outside.

We entered and were strolling up the EAST aisle when SIMULTANEOUSLY a CRACKLE of electricity filled the air as a RUMOUR ROLLED around the hall that Brian was getting his SAUSAGE OUT. All the other ladies PERKED up and made a BEELINE for the WEST aisle.

Now I know I’m her FRIEND but all I’m saying is I wouldn’t get between Veronica and a SAUSAGE!. Elbows flying she had pushed her way to the front of the queue and had FLUNG several LARGE CHUNKS of SAUSAGE, of different VARIETIES, followed by a piece of VINTAGE CHEDDAR down her THROAT before Brian and the rest of the ladies could say BLACK CRACKED PEPPER.

Too much meat made her a little fiery and she proceeded to HARANGUE the BREAD man because he had put PRUNES in his MULTI-SEEDED LOAF!

Yours Sausagedly

Celia