You see my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, this was all you needed to make yourself beautiful in 1935. A BATH!

Who new that HARD TAP WATER would ROB YOU OF THE BLOOM OF YOUTH. These wondrous BATH CUBES super-charged the water with BEAUTIFYING OXYGEN giving you ALL OVER LOVELYNESS.

I Really must have a word with my dear friend Veronica to see if her BATH BOMBS are SUPER-CHARGED.

Yours Beautifully



My dear ladies and the occasional gentlemen, I went for a lovely walk this morning with hirsute Roley and Ronald. Had a bit of bother with Ronald as he wanted to watch a film but I explained he needed some exercise first.

Well it was like taking a SULKY CHILD, he complained it was too cold and he couldn’t find the right hat. Once we were off he complained that the wind was BITTER which it wasn’t, that he had the WRONG TROUSERS on and finally that his tea was sloshing around in his tummy.

“Listen” he says as he’s waggling his stomach about. Needless to say I did the same as you would to a GRUMPY child and ignored it.
However when we were back home he did a good thing. I had taken three VINTAGE KNITTING BOOKS that were my grans and passed on to me, to scan some of the pictures for a poster, here is one of a very glamorous LADY.

Ronald picked one up to look through and found a PHOTOGRAPH of my grandparents and my father. In a second book he found the DOCUMENT you can see in the second photograph.
It is dated February 1901 and from what I can work out is a pass from THAB NCHU to BLOEMFONTEIN in SOUTH AFRICA. for 4 BOYS, 2 WAGONS, 10 MULES and 18 OXEN. This date is during THE BOER WAR. How fascinating a DOCUMENT it is. I will try and discover where and what it relates too.



Today my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen I set forth with my dear friend Veronica. First we visited the beautiful ROSEMOOR GARDENS in Great Torrington, Devon. In the car-park As I alighted from my little FIAT the gentleman about to get in the car next door, said to me “I LIKE YOUR ZIPS”.

It is obviously my ANIMAL MAGNETISM that attracts these men, I just wish they were 30 years you her But how was I expected to respond to a comment like that?

At ROSEMOOR an ANTIQUES FAYRE was on offer and we had a delightful hour perusing and admiring the lovely items on offer.

Now I did make a purchase a BIRTHDAY PRESENT for my dear daughter Morello but please don’t let on as it is a secret for the moment, how exciting.

My other two purchases were also presents, so for the time being they are HUSH-HUSH too. Please do remind me at some time in the future to tell you what the items were.

We left and drove to a BOOT-FAIR where Veronica’s FORAGING skills came to the fore. My word she is a sight to behold, her eyes like LASER-BEAMS darting here there and everywhere, seeking out the HIDDEN TREASURES.

She spotted a charming 1950’s CREAM BATHROOM CABINET WITH GILT KNOBS and a rustic set of corner shelves, perfect for displaying her wares.
We discussed their suitability and the price which was very reasonable but it is always fun to do a bit of BARGAINING. Veronica was a little intimidated by the stall holder but she set her shoulders back and made an offer.

The stall holder swung his impressive grey platt saying “it’s a fair price” Veronica sensibly stayed silent and waited but with an inner tremble, then,
“OK deal” said grey platt.

I was able to prove to Veronica that my little FIAT has a boot like THE TARDIS, able to take both the shelves and the cabinet. Veronica thinks she now has everything to make her stall look perfect.

We are hoping to have a DRY-RUN and set the stall up in her kitchen, perhaps take some photos and see if it all works. I may give you a sneaky- peep.

Yours Secretly




Well my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, this evening along with some of my lady friends I went to see ALAN BENNET’s TALKING HEADS. What a good piece of theatre and we were lucky that this performance was in our Village Hall.

Great acting by two wonderful ladies and a delicious tea in the interval, what an enjoyable evening. We enjoyed a glass of SAUVIGNON BLANC from CHILE during the performance but I think that my dear friend Gwendoline may have imbibed one or two in her LOG SHED before the evening started. She was quite excitable and a little RISQUÉ on occasions. I must admit to having a small glass myself with my lunch earlier in the day.

When Gwendoline asked how our bed hunt was going, I told her that Ronald and I had looked at a bed that the end raised up, for storage underneath. When I told her that Ronald GOT IT UP but I couldn’t GET IT DOWN she had a fit of the giggles, I don’t know why.

We were joined this evening by a lovely lady Concertina who hadn’t been before and asked if she could come along but she would leave her DICK at home, another lady to join our merry group

Yours Theatrically




My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen let us CELEBRATE. I am wearing my NEW GLASSES HURRAH! HURRAH! The wonderful young lady that measured and measured and was determined to get them right has done it.
Her advice which I will pass on to you is to always see the same person on every visit and ask to be referred back to the optician if the glasses are not right.

From there we went to a well known supplier of car parts and accessories. I needed a new WIPER BLADE on the drivers side of my FIAT 500C. We located the part number and found the blade.

When Ronald had recovered from seeing the PRICE, he studied the FITTING INSTRUCTIONS and decided it looked a bit complicated, so for only a couple of pounds he would ask them to fit them.

The YOUNG LADY took at most 2 MINUTES to pop one blade off and pop the other one on. Ronald looking SHEEPISH paid and then spluttered on about how it had looked more COMPLICATED than he had thought.

After that we went and rolled around on a few more beds but are no further forward in deciding on a new one.


My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, this morning Ronald and I did a JOHN AND YOKO. Yes we really did, we went to BED TOGETHER in public, in fact we were in the window of the shop but there wasn’t any SINGING (Ronald is tone-deaf).

We have just discovered the MINEFIELD that is NEW BED buying. There is so much choice, too much because it is all very confusing. POCKET Sprung, DOUBLE Sprung, MAXI Sprung, ROCK Sprung. As you may remember we considered buying a new mattress before and then let the idea go but the time has come.

I am in favour of DITCHING our mattress, RECYCLING our present bed and buying a comfy KING-SIZE MODERN DIVAN. We have to have king-size so there is room for hirsute Roley in the middle. Ronald is thinking just to buy a new mattress for our WOODEN BEDSTEAD.

Who do you think is going to win this discussion? What would you do my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen?


20140305-073318-pm.jpgAPOLOGIES & ROLLS

My dear ladies and the occasional gentlemen I am MORTIFIED and I apologise to you all. I had no idea when I wrote to you yesterday that I would unintentionally use a word that had another CONNOTATION.

I will not say the word but I will spell it D.O.G.G.I.N.G. you will not hear it from my lips again.

On a more pleasant note, I thought you might like to see my AIRING CUPBOARD. I like a tidy airing cupboard. As you can see my TEA TOWELS are folded square and are in a stack on the left. The middle stack are kitchen HAND TOWELS and the stack on the right are BATHROOM HAND TOWELS.

Let’s move on to the BATH TOWELS don’t they look pretty. I fold them in half then half again and then ROLL them up from the open end. You will end up with a NEAT ROLL which will stack without falling in a heap. You can remove any one you choose even from the bottom, another will just ROLL into its place.

It has taken me years to teach Ronald how I like to ROLL but he is ACCOMPLISHED now.

Yours Rollily



My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, I think I have JET-LAG. I am experiencing DESYNCHRONIZATION of my BIOLOGICAL RYTHMS.
Last night I stayed up late because I was WIDE-AWAKE but this morning I didn’t want to get up and kept nodding off. All this jetting across the world for one night has taken its toll.

I took hirsute Roley for a long walk only realising when I was a third of the way around that I had forgotten Ronald! Oh well blame it on the jet lag. It was a lovely day, the birds were singing and it was a joy to be out.

About half-way around I met an old friend a lovely man and we did a bit of DOGGING. I was telling him all about hirsute Roley and he was telling me all about the RESCUE DOG he and his wife had taken on. I peeped through the window at her, what a sweetie, she is going to need a lot of training but she is good in the house, very friendly and good-natured, just like her owner.

After saying goodbye I started walking on when hirsute Roley started pulling forward excitedly. I was going to let her off the lead as she is good and never goes off but I couldn’t because I thought she WOULD go off she seemed so desperate. Then in the distance I saw the top of Ronald’s head, that’s why hirsute Roley was pulling.

I let her off the lead and her little legs running like PISTONS she shot of up the lane to find her DAD. Don’t ask me how she knew he was coming, some DOGGY instinct?

Yours Doggily




Did you see us at the OSCARS, myself and Veronica? We were there.

We had been NOMINATED for our two SHORT FILMS how exciting. It was a bit of a rush to get there after our FORAGING SUNDAY. But I am sure my dear ladies and occasional gentlemen if you had been nominated, you would have made every effort to get there.

We just managed to make the RED CARPET but as we were late no pictures I am afraid. Which is a shame because I had managed to remove Veronica’s FLYING DUCK SWEATSHIRT and get her into a FROCK for a change!

I was wearing a little number that Mrs Smithers had run up for me to my OWN DESIGN. You can never go wrong with GREEN FLOCKING and I wanted to change the sitting room CURTAINS anyway. There was one awkward moment just as WILL SMITH entered the stage, I crossed my legs and discovered a CURTAIN HOOK which had worked its way down the inside of my tights. I don’t think WILL noticed.

The other disappointment was missing out on THE SELFIE. We became stuck at the back with LISA MINELLI. If you look carefully you can see my right shoulder just above MERYL STREEPS head. I am not sure what Veronica was holding on to but the look on KEVIN SPACEY’s face tells a story!

We had a lovely interview afterwards with little TIM MASTERS from the BBC and hopefully they will show this on the 10 0’CLOCK NEWS.

Thank you to CUNNING AER LINGUS for slipping us in at the last minute. BRISTOL AIRPORT is perfect for TWO LADIESto fly from.

Yours Oscarly




What a lovely RUMMAGE for a Sunday morning. Veronica and I set forth for a VINTAGE FAYRE in a local HOSTELRY. We love a RUMMAGE, you never know what you will find.

Quite by accident we avoided the £1 entrance fee by going in a side door. To be fair this was not our fault as the lack of SIGNAGE made it almost impossible to find your way in.

An interesting selection of stalls and goods greeted us. Veronica is off like A GREYHOUND OUT OF A TRAP as she makes a quick sorty around the room, trying to spot a bargain. She is a very DISCERNING browser, Veronica and won’t buy just any old thing, it has to be right. She did make a purchase a small brown suitcase REDOLENT of PADDINGTON BEAR.

I purchased a rather smart STAINLESS-STEEL SPOUT for a wine bottle. We then intended to peruse the BOOT FAYRE but due to the inclement weather it was cancelled. As we started to drive away we spotted a small notice of a TABLE-TOP SALE in the hall next to SAINSBURYS, due to start in an hour.

Why not we thought and parked up and popped into SAINSBURYS for a lovely cup of tea, while we waited.

What a MISCELLANY of items were on display, that is if you could fight your way through the crowd to reach the stall. Veronica of course was off and running, ELBOWS FLYING, eyes darting THIS WAY AND THAT.

I followed on at a more sedate pace, contemplating the BARRY MANILOW COLLECTION alongside a GIFT SET for a man, comprising of a SET OF MINIATURE SKITTLES, a pack of cards, a bar of soap and a bottle of body lotion. WHY I ask myself?What was their reasoning in putting those items in the same gift box?

As we were leaving Veronica had her eye on a SLOW-COOKER, whilst two BETTY BOOP clocks had captured mine. They were on the same stall. I negotiated and purchased my clocks. Veronica did the same with her slow-cooker. I don’t know why but I feel I may use my clocks more than she will use her slow-cooker.

Yours Tick-Tockedly


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