How difficult can it be to obtain new EYE-GLASSES? Very difficult it seems.

My day started with an intimate PROBING with a BIVALVED VAGINA SPECULA. And before you ask, NO I WAS NOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

The light CHIT-CHAT from the nurse asking me what would I usually be doing at this time of the morning wasn’t quite the distraction that was required when you have TWO METAL DUCK BILLS shoved up your FANNY!

I am not sure a ONE-SIZE FITS ALL POLICY is quite right for this procedure. I understand the NHS is short of funds but we don’t all wear the same size JEANS so I am guessing our FANNYS are a variety of shapes and sizes.

After the DOCTORS I went to collect my new GLASSES for the THIRD time and they are STILL WRONG. I cannot read with them.

The young lady I saw today was excellent I cannot fault her customer service. She told me I should have been referred back to the OPTICIAN when there was a problem in the beginning. So the lenses could have been sorted out properly and I would have only had to return once more. Also the two men I had seen previously had not written any notes, which made it difficult to know what was wrong each time.

Lovely of her to tell me what went wrong, keep your fingers crossed for me that they will get it right eventually.

So tomorrow I will be returning again for the FIFTH time and then will have to go again a week later to pick up the new SPECS. Another lot of PETROL and PARKING!

My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen my day was full of SPECS in one form or another.

Yours Speccily



  1. May you have the patience to endure it all. When I had to come back twice because my glasses weren’t right, and was told that that’s just the way it is, I almost went postal. Then I decided to wait until we moved to Austin, where they got it right the first time. Good luck.


    • Thanks Barbara, tomorrow will be my fifth visit and that is to see what they have done wrong and hopefully they will sort it and I can go back in another weeks time for hopefully glasses I can read with. One of the women tried to convince me that I had to read through this tiny area the size of the end of a pencil! They are varifocals not minusculefocals!


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