This morning I had a lovely young man gaze into my eyes, for quite some time. We were alone, it was warm and cosy.

“Are you comfortable”? The young man asked

“Oh yes” I replied.

“Just relax”

“OK”

“Just rest your head here”

“Mmm” says I

“Can you move a little closer please”

” Oh yes”

“Nearly there, just a few more minutes – there!”

“Thank you, it has been quite a while”

“No problem, everything is absolutely fine, just take this with you and someone will help you to choose your new GLASSES

Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

I chose purple ones.

Yours Opthalmically

Celia

QUIZZES & INVISIBLE BRIDGES

Image

QUIZZES & INVISIBLE BRIDGES

Last night I attended the local WI QUIZ NIGHT in the village hall. Unfortunately as it was a last minute decision to go we struggled to form a team of six. Gloria and I went along and thought perhaps there may be some stragglers that we could connect with. When we arrived the hall was bursting at the seams with LOVELY LADIES AND ONE OR TWO OCCASIONAL GENTLEMAN. 

We paid our £4.50 and looked around for any STRAY LADIES  but they were all firmly in their LADY teams. We made our way up onto the stage to a spare table and sat like two NORA NO-MATES until an extremely pleasant lady who had just moved to the area and came along to meet some new people, joined us. What fun we had as we shared our FRENCH BREAD and SELECTION OF CHEESES meant for SIX people along with a pleasant little MERLOT.

There was a VIKING invader who tried to plunder our stash of bread but we soon repelled him with a swift stab of the cheese fork! He still managed to snaffle two pieces, BLAST HIM!

You will be amazed to know that we didn’t win but it is hardly surprising when all the other teams had SIX players. We thought that they should double our score as we were only THREE players.

Our worst round was identifying BRIDGES, yes I repeat BRIDGES!  We had to identify pictures of BRIDGES and picture number 5 had an INVISIBLE BRIDGE, you couldn’t even see it.

Now I have no objection to bridges they are very useful and some are indeed rather beautiful but how many of you could identify twenty of them?

It was a fun evening well organised and with some lovely ladies.

Yours Quizingly

Celia

CLOWNS, CLOUROPHOBIA & CRIME

CLOWNS, CLOUROPHOBIA & CRIME, I must admit I didn’t realise how prolific CLOWNS are and also how many CRIME INCIDENTS there are involving CLOWNS.

Please all clowns, do not think that I have anything personally against you, although I do find you somewhat scary but I don’t present as being COULROPHOBIC. But I am glad that Ronald hasn’t felt compelled to take up ‘CLOWNING’ as a profession; even those his actions at times could be described as ‘CLOWNING AROUND’ . 

Fascinating new data has revealed that DEVON & CORNWALL POLICE dealt with TEN INCIDENTS INVOLVING ‘CLOWNS’ last year (Courtesy of North Devon Journal)

ImagePossibly we all need to be more aware of the possibility of ‘Danger from Clowns’. Perhaps there ought to be signs in our public areas.

My dear ladies and occasional gentlemen, please take care when going about your daily lives, I do not wish to make you paranoid but ‘BE AWARE, THERE ARE CLOWNS OUT THERE’

GREEN COFFEE BEANS, GNASHING OF TEETH & SPAM

GREEN COFFEE BEANS, GNASHING OF TEETH & SPAM

Oh dear poor Veronica, SHE HAS BEEN SPAMMED !

I must admit, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was rather SURPRISED to receive an e-mail about ‘GREEN COFFEE BEANS’ being a wonder WEIGHT LOSS AID.

What I thought was Veronica implying? That I needed to lose weight? And who is DR OZ who had promoted these WONDER BEANS on his TELEVISION show?

It was a puzzle but not one I could deal with as I have been busy making a ROMANTIC ‘MR DARCY’ type shirt all day for ‘Mellors’ in the PANTOMIME. You will be pleased to know I finished it in time for this evenings rehearsal, where I was going to fit it on ‘Mellors’ but on arrival his wife proudly showed me a shirt SHE had made last night! She was so pleased with herself and thought she had been helping. So you will also be pleased to know I didn’t WHACK her around the ears with my shirt as I am a lady. I kept mine hidden in my bag, GRRRH, GNASHING OF TEETH!

Checking FACEBOOK on my arrival home, I see a message from Veronica explaining that her account had been HIJACKED and SPAMMED. What a relief, she can’t think I need to lose weight after all. I’m off to make a cup of tea and open a bag of MALTESERS.

Yours Gnashingly

Celia

BUM-BOLSTER, FRINGING, CHORIZO & BUTTER BEAN SOUP

Bum-Cushion

Bum-Cushion

Dames Dress back

Dames Dress back

Dames Dress front

Dames Dress front

BUM-BOLSTER, FRINGING, CHORIZO & BUTTER BEAN SOUP

Today I decided I would finish the DAMES DRESS, it has taken me about six hours of hand sewing, I hope you think the finished result was worth it.

Ronald has had to help sew the separate BUM-BOLSTER as I just could not push the needle through. At least it’s a new skill he has learnt and he’ll be able to sew his trousers up in a crisis.

Don’t you just love a bit of FRINGING, it’s not just for COWBOYS you know.

CHORIZO AND BUTTER BEAN SOUP for lunch, with buttered toast on the side.

After walking little Roley with his HOODED-PARKER on to protect his little ears as he still has an EAR INFECTION. It was blowing a gale as we dashed between HAIL-STONES and driving rain, our thoughts turned towards warmer climes and HOLIDAY DESTINATIONS.

I’ve just dragged myself and three large pieces of white material out from under the bed after a mistaken purchase of an extra large ladies blouse with rather pretty buttons and full sleeves that I thought would fit “mellors” in the panto. He of ‘lady Chatterly’s Lover fame, loosely based of course, failed to fit CHUNKY actor it was meant to. Can I make a ROMANTIC ‘MR DARCY’ type blouse/shirt?WATCH THIS SPACE.

BIZARRE FASHION, EAR-FLAPS & CERAMIC PANS

BIZARRE FASHION, EAR-FLAPS & CERAMIC PANS

Hello my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, WHAT ARE YOU ALL WEARING? I hope ladies you are wearing something suitably ladylike and you gentlemen are SARTORIALLY elegant.

I will explain why, this morning I met my dear friend Veronica (veronicagoesviral) at at small shopping centre for COFFEE and a chat. Before we went for a repast we popped into the M & S OUTLET STORE. WHAT IS GOING ON, WHO ARE THESE CLOTHES MADE FOR? Certainly not for myself or Veronica, apart from a DARK BLUE LINEN LINED SKIRT that was a bargain and in the sale at £7.00 and the odd staple item, the colours patterns and fabrics were quite BIZARRE! I can quite see why their share have dropped. Who is designing these clothes, who are they meant for and for what age group it is difficult to tell.

We enjoyed our AMERICANOS, mine with hot milk, Veronica’s with cold whilst we bemoaned the lack of lovely wearable individual clothes that are made for real women and gossiped.

We left and were saying our goodbyes when Veronica espied a woman sat outside the cafe opposite with her husband. I am not sure what was worse, the tatty KNITTED POM-POM HAT WITH EAR-FLAPS or the CIGARETTE hanging out of her mouth. If it had been freezing cold and we were up to our knees in snow, it would have been acceptable but it was at least 12 degrees and WE WERE IN A SHOPPING PRECINCT.

Before anyone starts sending me nasty messages, I am not saying everyone should be spending lots of money on clothes and make-up, I am an avid CHARITY/THRIFT shop forager and UPCYCLER. We should just try and make the best of what we have.

Ladies let us always try to look our best, not for any other reason other than it makes us feel good.

By the way Ronald is ECSTATIC his CERAMIC PANS have arrived!

Yours Elegantly

Celia

POTATOS & PATIENCE

POTATOS & PATIENCE

Oh my lord, how many instructions and discussions does it take to BAKE  TWO JACKET POTATOS?

On my way home yesterday afternoon, I popped into LIDLS and bought two large POTATOS, a bar of SWISS CHOCOLATE (they don’t sell MALTESERS) and a bottle of WINE. A nice easy supper I thought and I expect you my lovely ladies and occassional gentleman, thought the same.

That is until Ronald decided to cook said potatos.

It started well.

“I’ve scrubbed the potatos and PRICKED them, now what tin shall I use?” said Ronald, holding out his new square pan with ridges and his round pan

“The round one”

Five minutes later. “I’ve put them in the oven and set the timer for 30 minutes”

“Well done”

“After 30 minutes I’ll turn them over”

“OK”

“When I’ve turned them over, I’ll put them on again for 30 minutes”

“Tthey will take quite a while”

“Yes perhaps I’ll check them now they’ve been on for 20 minutes”

“OK”

“No they’re still hard”

“OK”

“Alarms gone off, I’ll turn them over”

“OK”

“I’ve turned them over, I’ll put the alarm on for 30 minutes”

“OK”

“They’re getting softer”

“OK”

“Everythings ready, just waiting for the potatos”

“OK”

“They’ll be ready in about 17 minutes to put the oil on”

“OK”

“I’m putting the olive oil on now”

“OK”

Ten minutes later “Here we are all ready” Ronald places potatos on the table.

“Are you sure they are ready? You have only just put the oil on.

“Yes” confidently

I sit, I cut through the SOFT skin, oh-oh, they are hard in the middle and I don’t know about you but that is why I put OLIVE OIL on my potatoes because it makes them crispy on the outside not SOGGY! 

“Ronald you have no patience, you just have to put the potatos in the oven and forget about them”

“Well mine are fine, I’m hungry” Ronald eats his potato, casting moody glances at me, whilst I wait for mine to finish cooking in the oven.

It’s tough being a CHEF.

Ronald’s still in a huff and his new CERAMIC PANS haven’t arrived yet.

Yours Hungrily

Celia