I’m looking after little Dixon whilst Helen does her stint at the Bank. I wish she’d get a proper job. I haven’t told you about Dixon before because (and I know you will find this hard to believe) I didn’t know about him!
Helen has always been a rebel, I cannot tell you how dissappointed Ronald and I were when she took that job at the bank. We brought her up to be honest, caring and with a sense of duty to others and then she just chucks all her morals out of her double-glazed plastic window and worships the God of MAMMON. I’m so ashamed that I tell people she works in WAITROSE on the fish counter.
To get back to Dixon or to give him his full name Dixon Smokey Busta Romain he is a darling little boy and I love his little dreads with the little beads and feathers, so exotic. But I cannot tell a lie it was a bit of a shock when Helen turned up with him and his father Judge Otis Romain. Apparently he is not a magesterial judge that is his Christian name and I am presuming his ancestors invented the lettuce.
Helen explained over a cup of tea and a FRANGIPANE that they had met whilst she was on a course for the bank in JAMAICA about how to hoodwink and persuade customers to take out LOANS & INSURANCES. Judge has his own gardening business and is a specialist in growing CANNABIS SATIVA which I believe is HEMP. We have so much in common because I like to garden ORGANICALLY as well; I like to sprinkle HEMP on my breakfast cereal it is so good for the joints.
I think his mother and I share the same passion for knitting to judge by the colourful hat he wears. Ronald has even got used to the fact he wears it indoors. I am so pleased she has met such a lovely young man he brings the aroma of the CARRIBBEAN WITH HIM.
Helen says it was a whirlwind romance and they have bought (courtesy of the bank) a nice little smallholding with poly-tunnels so that Judge can expand his gardening business.
Helen left little Dixon with us so that we could get to know each other. She had left him some natural organic recycled muesli for breakfast but I gave him some of my friend Veronica’s foraged BLACKBERRY & SLOE GIN JELLY on his muffins. He loved it bless him but afterwards he was so funny as he staggered about on his little feet in the sun room giggling, until he finally flopped down on his Dunelm Mill bean-bag fast asleep. How Ronald and I laughed.