SPOT THE EGG COMPETITION. Can you? I put the egg down for scale as my daughter said that my foot in the last picture of BIG KNITTING did not really help. Unfortunately hirsute Roley thought he should investigate. Somewhere under that hairy head is THE EGG.

As you can see I am making slow progress, it is a lot harder than it looks. I want to keep going but can only really manage half a row at a time. I work through the pain and ignore hirsute Roley’s and Ronalds yelps when they get wacked with the equivalent of a MAORI PATU and soldier on till the end.

I do love it though, It is very tactile and little Pocohontas at the weekend kept stroking her face with it.

Yours “Mau”ely

Celia

COLONIC IRRIGATION OR COLONIC/HYDROTHERAPY

COLONIC IRRIGATION OR COLONIC CLEANSING/HYDROTHERAPY as it is now called IS JUST WRONG! Why as reported in a Sunday magazine would you pay up to £80 to have 15 gallons of water pumped into your bowel via a tube inserted into your rear end to cure various minor ailments including backache and acne? No do not do this.
Why not take up gentle walking to improve your back problems and start a good cleansing regime also to include a walk to obtain a bit of vitamin D from the sun to improve your acne? This is virtually free and does not involve a complete stranger, a 15 gallon bucket of Fairy Liquid, a rubber hose and your purse being £80 lighter!

Ladies and the odd Gentleman I implore you let common sense rule. I know that I can think of many ways of spending £80 and it does not include letting a con-artist near my nether regions.

Yours Tight-seatedly

Celia

THE DANGERS OF BIG KNITTING

The dangers of BIG KNITTING were made all too clear last evening. I can only manage to KNIT one row at a time and only on the sofa where I can rest the ends. I was halfway along the row when Ronald joined me. The first and last two stitches in a KNIT row are PURL STITCHES and it was as I was attempting this manoeuvre that Ronald sustained an injury.

Now as you know I am still playing Nursey-Nursey to my poor dear mother and little hirsute Roley, I certainly do not want to play Nursey-Nursey to Roland’s nether regions.

So ladies beware DO NOT ATTEMPT BIG KNITTING WHEN IN CLOSE PROXIMITY TO GENTLEMEN.

Yours Dangerously

Celia

DON’T GET BA-KED GET NAK-ED!

Ladies I hope you are all maintaining dignified and ladylike behaviour in this hot weather. I am sure like me the heat makes you relax, feel free, and more sensuous. Do make sure you have the correct underwear. No nasty nylon lace, polyester satin, or heaven forbid thongs. Nobody wants a soggy bottom!

I know some of you ladies like to keep things trim or even no trim at all. But it’s cotton all the way in the Ladygarden residence, I cannot recommend it highly enough. But for those extra hot days I think we should remain as nature intended. ‘DON’T GET BAK-ED GET NAK-ED’.

Yours Freely

Celia

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Poor Roley, rolled over this morning on the bed and his cyst burst onto my Egyptian cotton hand embroidered duvet cover. Blood everywhere. Cleaned him up a bit, phoned Vet who said bring her in.
Tried to phone Mother on her mobile no answer. Kept phoning right up until we left for vets. Was she still asleep? was she really ill again? was she d……..?
Vet squeezed poor Roley’s cyst, then cleaned it up, put a blow-up collar on him, issued antibiotics for a week and a bill for £50, with instructions to bring him back in a week.
Rushed home dumped Ronald and Roley, shot to Mothers. It’s OK she was still in bed fast asleep.
Finally arrived home at 12.0’clock for breakfast of cornflakes and a cup of tea.
Ronald is searching online for a nurses outfit. I think it is for me but I’m not sure.

Yours still Nursely

Celia

HAROLD THE CROSS-DRESSING LIBRARIAN

HAROLD THE CROSS-DRESSING LIBRARIAN rang to say we are in trouble with the Library, Mother”s book ‘FIFTY SHADES’ is overdue.

Iam still playing NURSEY-NURSEY to my Mother since she was discharged from hospital but I cannot find the book. Still it was alright because Harold bless-him was so excited about the GIANT KNITTING he was distracted.

Harold enjoys CROCHETING AND KNITTING, indeed he has created some beautiful pieces. He is particularly into S & M, SEQUINS and MOHAIR. He was wearing a pretty little bolero last week in ICE-CREAM FONDANT SUNDAE STRAWBERRY PINK MOHAIR with PURPLE HOLOGRAM SEQUINS. He said “I’d LOVE some BIG BALLS like yours and I’d LOVE to get my hands on a pair of those BIG BOYS” I have referred him to INGRID WAGNER’s WEBSITE.

Yours Nursingly

Celia

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