VERONICA bless her little LADY-SOCKS invited me out for an evening trip to the SEASIDE. This could not have come at a better time because my poor mother is in hospital again. I am relieved that she is at last getting the TLC and treatment she has needed since they ejected her from hospital 12 days ago. She has not had a visit from her Doctor or any nurses at all in this time, even though she was very poorly and has not eaten for nearly 3 weeks and was barely drinking a few sips of water. Consequently she is dangerously dehydrated.

Veronica arrived in what I can only describe as her working clothes, which I have to be honest were slightly whiffy. She was clutching a TESCO carrier bag with her going out clothes in. I suggested that she might like to take a quick shower to freshen up, Ronald always the gentleman rushed to fetch a bathtowel.

We set off in Veronica’s car which if it was in THE TATE MODERN would be called a piece of ‘LIVING ART’. Living because of the odd SNAIL, paw marks across the bonnet along with birds doo-dah, bits of grass and seeds; indeed I was seeded when Veronica drove too close to the hedge when playing chicken with RANGE ROVER. I was showered with SEEDS,I am still picking them out of my undergarments. There are bits of radiator grills missing, a deep gouge the length of one side. As for the inside, it would take toO long to write a comprehensive list. Let me just say that it includes, a gold-coloured curtain pole, a strange pink plastic thing, various shoes and clothing and a sewing machine without a plug.

Luckily Ronald had set me up with a G & T before I left home. After a light supper (when I noticed Veronica’s complaint had cleared up and she told me it was all down to DERM-OLE. I think she means DERMOLENE) and a tipple we went for a stroll alongside the beach. It was a beautiful evening and an amazing SUNSET.

We sat on the wall and I whipped up a piece of CONCEPTUAL ART; a charcoal sketch of the SUN, SEA AND SAND. Whilst Veronica gazed meaningfully out to sea. Unfortunately a strange thin lady with stringy hair and the wrong outfit was taking a surreptitious call on her mobile phone and in order for her husband not to hear, sidled up to Veronica’s rear. She was gabbling away over Veronica’s shoulder and poor Veronica said to me “I THINK I’VE GOT TIN-TIN-ITUS”

Yours Sandily


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