Embarrassed this morning. Harold the cross-dressing librarian rang to say my mothers book was in. Arrived at the library and immediately felt several pairs of eyes swivel my way. Miss Baines who will only issue books from the classics and thinks paperbacks should be used for toilet paper; looked at me over her half-rimmed glasses her wild grey hair escaping from her bun and her mouth pursed up like a pig’s bum. Dolly Dalrimple, dipped her head with it’s violet coloured curly wig atop and giggled uncontrollably. Not realising that as she bent over, her thermal vest parted from her wrinkled neck and exposed a hairy chest. Harold reached under the library counter and retrieved a plastic carrier bag with ‘Nike Just Do It’ on the front and handed it over as it if was a doggy poo bag.
I took the bag at the same time admiring Harold’s Honiton Lace gloves and opened it gingerly, peering inside I saw a large print book with the title “Fifty Shades of Grey”. My Mother the 83 years old sex-maniac, I wondered why she wanted that pattern for knitted hand-cuffs.