IT DOESN’T WORK!

IT DOESN’T WORK! Asserted Ronald when I asked him to make sure he had his MOBILE PHONE with him and that he would answer me when I phoned him to pick me up from the HAIRDRESSERS.

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I asked this because he never answers his mobile and I have to try and catch him on the house phone.

“It doesn’t work” says Ronald.

“OK I’ll ring you now and you can show me IT DOESN’T WORK” I reply.

I ring him and he jabs away at the screen as if he’s trying to drill a hole in it and shouts triumphantly “see IT DOESN’T WORK!”

I lean over and swipe the screen, “it’s working now”.
He’s only had the phone since LAST CHRISTMAS!

Yours frustratedly

Celia

A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman last night I awoke to Ronald A FURTLING IN THE LADYGARDEN.

It was 2.00 am and he’d let Hirsute Roley out for an EMERGENCY WEE, unfortunately he then wandered off for a SNUFFLE and Ronald  A FURTLING in the bushes couldn’t  locate him in the DARK.

He then stood up and decided to enjoy the wonders of the NIGHT SKY.


Yours Starily

Celia

P.S. Thank you to all you dear ladies and occasional gentleman who have bought my book ‘CELIA LADYGARDEN AND THE CURIOUS CURIOSITY’ written by my dear little ghostwriter friend Glenda Barnett, available on Amazon.com

I AM A TROLL FOLDEROLL!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Hirsute Roley is in recovery.

This morning he insisted on walking down one of his favourite lanes and stopping at the little bridge across a stream. Suddenly he STOPPED DEAD, one little paw raised like a QUESTION MARK in the air, then he bravely crept around the bridge towards the water.

Stopping again in FEAR AND TERROR trembling, as a GIANT TROLL came out from under the bridge with a BIG STICK.

I scooped him up as a second GIANT TROLL came out from the other end of the bridge.

The to the rescue came the POSTMAN in his van and Hirsute Roley rallied as the post van slowed and a small meaty biscuit dropped into his mouth.

Who knew that the WATER WAYS employed GIANT TROLLS to clear underneath BRIDGES.

Yours Folderolly

Celia

FFS, BLACKCURRANT JAM & SHEER CRUELTY!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning I have spent 4 hours de-sprigging and making BLACKCURRANT JAM.

It is tedious, sticky and messy, to distract I put on daytime TV presumably it’s for SENIORS & HOUSEBOUND.

FFS, every single AD break, was an ad for FUNERAL PLANS!

For the over 50’s!!!

SHEER CRUELTY

MICHAEL PARKINSON has a lot to answer for.

And the DAUGHTER who forces her mother to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!

Then forces her FATHER to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!

FATHER then forces the poor neighbour to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!

LISTEN over 50’s PEOPLE.

I have purchased a TRIPLE PLOT in the GRAVEYARD, my dear mum is already there. Although RONALD is a bit CONCERNED if he goes first he will be SANDWICHED between his MOTHER-IN-LAW and his WIFE

KIDS! When the time comes. Just RE-DIG the GRAVE (try not to dig up my mother) and pop us in. JOB DONE.

We Are spending the FUNERAL PLAN money on GIN, WINE and HOLIDAYS!

Yours Stickily

Celia

CANINE CONTROL!

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, one of my lovely daughters gave me an AMAZON ECHO for Mother’s Day. Although I am not a one for gadgets, this one is rather marvelous. ‘ALEXA’ is very compliant unlike the STRIDENT notes of our last SAT-NAV, although the current one is far more PLEASANT.


ALEXA did turn herself on accidentally when we were watching a documentary about ALEXANDER THE GREAT but apart from that no problems. Until TODAY.

Little Hirsute Roley is a bit of a TALKER which is LOVELY  and AMUSING and it is part of his many TALENTS that we love. 

Hirsute Roley had come in from the garden, started TALKING and managed to TURN ON ALEXA!

His chosen music was ELTON JOHN singing TINY DANCER.

Now we know why ALEXA is on and MUSIC is PLAYING when we return from shopping. CANINE CONTROL.

The FACE of INNOCENCE.


Yours Doggily

Celia