My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning I have spent 4 hours de-sprigging and making BLACKCURRANT JAM.
It is tedious, sticky and messy, to distract I put on daytime TV presumably it’s for SENIORS & HOUSEBOUND.
FFS, every single AD break, was an ad for FUNERAL PLANS!
For the over 50’s!!!
MICHAEL PARKINSON has a lot to answer for.
And the DAUGHTER who forces her mother to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!
Then forces her FATHER to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!
FATHER then forces the poor neighbour to take out a FUNERAL PLAN!
LISTEN over 50’s PEOPLE.
I have purchased a TRIPLE PLOT in the GRAVEYARD, my dear mum is already there. Although RONALD is a bit CONCERNED if he goes first he will be SANDWICHED between his MOTHER-IN-LAW and his WIFE
KIDS! When the time comes. Just RE-DIG the GRAVE (try not to dig up my mother) and pop us in. JOB DONE.
We Are spending the FUNERAL PLAN money on GIN, WINE and HOLIDAYS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, one of my lovely daughters gave me an AMAZON ECHO for Mother’s Day. Although I am not a one for gadgets, this one is rather marvelous. ‘ALEXA’ is very compliant unlike the STRIDENT notes of our last SAT-NAV, although the current one is far more PLEASANT.
ALEXA did turn herself on accidentally when we were watching a documentary about ALEXANDER THE GREAT but apart from that no problems. Until TODAY.
Little Hirsute Roley is a bit of a TALKER which is LOVELY and AMUSING and it is part of his many TALENTS that we love.
Hirsute Roley had come in from the garden, started TALKING and managed to TURN ON ALEXA!
His chosen music was ELTON JOHN singing TINY DANCER.
Now we know why ALEXA is on and MUSIC is PLAYING when we return from shopping. CANINE CONTROL.
The FACE of INNOCENCE.
“My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, Ronald and I are enjoying a few days away in a COTTAGE in CORNWALL.
It is EL SCORCHIO! Aren’t we lucky to have such gorgeous weather?
We are taking full advantage of our heated SWIMMING POOL then lounging in the sun to dry off.
Had a bit of bother with Ronald he will insist on STRIPPING OFF his swim shorts when leaving the pool area and drying himself off whilst standing on the lawn.
What’s wrong with that you may well ask, the problem is there a quite a few SQUIRRELS.
One BOLD little chap clearly entranced with the sight, GLEEFULLY bounded at a pace straight for what he thought was a BANQUET of NUTS!
I don’t think he’d ever been TAKEN OUT with an INFLATABLE FLAMINGO before!
Last night I had the PRIVILEGE of walking with two THOUSAND wonderful women on the NIGHT WALK FOR NORTH DEVON HOSPICE, raising money for this invaluable service and provision of night nurses.
We were entertained along the way by the wonderful TORRINGTON CAVALIERS. The SWEETS and PROSECCO was very welcome, hic!
Walking the TARKA TRAIL the scenery was beautiful accompanied by birdsong and with the bonus of this beautiful sunset.
Although Ronald has been looking after me today, he is also laughing at me. A LOT!
He described my post-walk condition to our far-flung children as follows: “You know when a chimpanzee walks on two legs swaying from side to side? That’s what mum looks like.”
Unfortunately my children’s sense of humour follows their father and they thought that was hilarious.
A TIT IN THE HOUSE I have my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, and it’s not Ronald
Although you might be fooled into thinking so
As here he is cleaning the SHOWER.
The TIT I am referring to is a BLUE one and I am thrilled that it has decided to NEST in my little RUSSIAN BIRD HOUSE.
I would be thrilled if my dear ladies and occasional gentleman would care to read my book, written in collaboration with my dear friend. Available as an ebook (how exciting) and a paperback.
For Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N9UOT2Yg
For Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/do/B01N9UOT2Y
Who would have thought that MURDER would have visited sleepy little St Urith Without Well and who would have thought that I would get involved and poor little Hirsute Roley.
Enjoy reading about the colourful characters who reside in our parish, set in the beautiful North Devon countryside
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I was casting my little eye over TWITTER and saw this interesting post from a dear occasional gentleman.
My RESPONSE was this
Within SECONDS I received this FOLLOW
POPPY SEEDS IN THE LADYGARDEN! You may well ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.
A dear friend of mine asked me to make up the numbers in her soap workshop, ‘lovely’ you might think and you’d be right. I partnered a lovely young woman who chose lemon and lime essence, honey and POPPY SEEDS for our soap, here is a picture.
It smells DEVINE , looks a little ODD but heigh-ho it has all NATURAL ingredients and I know what’s in it.
In the shower I was surrounded by relaxing aromas and I started to rub the soap over my skin which felt like being rubbed by a ROUGH LIZARD
Once dressed and going about my business I was aware of a NOT unpleasant SENSATION in my LADYGARDEN. A couple of hours later I felt something SLIDE and BUMP down my leg escaping out the BOTTOM of my trouser leg and bouncing off my shoe. It was POPPY SEEDS.
WARNING! ALWAYS ENSURE A THOROUGH RINSE OF THE LADYGARDEN WHEN USING IMPREGNATED SOAP!