My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as I hope you may be aware I have been absent.
We were lucky enough to spend first a week in beautiful WELSH WALES, HIRSUTE ROLEY particularly enjoyed the beach. Despite the clouds it was lovely and warm.
We returned home for one night to the very lovely NORTH DEVON.
Then secondly a few days in gorgeous CORNWALL.
Beautiful flowers grown by my beautiful granddaughter.
A veritable CORNUCOPIA of CELTICNESS.
You would have thought that with all this relaxation and beautiful surroundings my HAIR would have decided to stay on my HEAD.
On returning home I stepped into the shower (ladies don’t jump).
After I had washed my hair I noticed that I was paddling in about an inch of water.
Investigating the PLUGHOLE I discovered what appeared to be a small knitted jumper BORROWER size.
I HATE CLEANING PLUGHOLES THEY ARE GROSS!
Walking into the sitting room this product was on the Telly.
TWO bottles of GIN or some decent wine.
TWO months supply of FURRY FOAM.
Yours ALOPECIA AURIATALY
P.S. I am still shaving my legs
P.P.S. Some eyebrow and eyelashes down the PLUGHOLE.
P.P.P.S. THE BORROWERS. See Mary Norton.
P.P.P.P.S. North Devon Photo courtesy of my dear friend Karen Owen.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I can sympathise with TIM PEAKE.
I too am FIGHTING a battle with GRAVITY.
This morning when looking in my MAGNIFYING MIRROR which I have to GIRD MY LOINS to do, I made a DISCOVERY.
I have a small SCAR on the middle of my CHEEK, the result of leaping off a bed and catching it on a hook on a cupboard.
I looked and it was MISSING!
I DISCOVERED it.
Heading towards my JAWLINE!
The ONE-EYED MONSTER in the LADYGARDEN is Ronald my dear ladies and occasional gentleman.
He has a swelling and not where you might think, naughty people.
It is his eye and it has been getting progressively worse since Saturday.
But my LADYGARDEN as you can see is beginning to flourish now that the GARDEN FAIRIES have erected a new fence.
Talking of fairies can you spot my little fairy door? I have several hidden around the garden.
I am taking Ronald for medical assistance.
The DOCTORS is closed so we are popping into the VET’S.
p.s. I shall be visiting the wonderful RHS ROSEMOOR on the weekend for their ROSE festival.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, today I had to speak to one of our HIGH STREET BANKS on the telephone.
You will not be surprised to know that my call went from DEVON in England halfway around the world to NEW DELHI in India.
And it didn’t cost me a penny. It’s rare to be able to chat on the telephone across CONTINENTS in the middle of the day and all for free.
I spoke to a charming young lady who obviously had been trained by DAME JUDY DENCH when she was living in the MOST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL to be friendly and not to be afraid to go ‘OFF PISTE’ with the script.
After we had dealt with the boring bits we had a lovely little chat and I can say it was a very pleasant experience.
I do believe the dear young LADY paid my little ‘BLISS’* a visit yesterday, how kind.
I do hope she visits again, it gives one a glimpse into an EXOTIC world so very different from my own.
My dear new INDIAN friend here are some pictures of beautiful Devon for you
* I am sure you will agree my dear ladies and occasional gentleman that ‘BLOG’ is a rather vulgar sounding word, so I call mine a ‘BLISS’ so much lovelier don’t you think?
A HEN DO A’ DO NOT A COCK A’ DOODLE DO.
Yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman a first for me the modern ‘Hen Do’. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was very pleased to be asked by the BRIDE TO BE a very charming young lady called Minoa.
We gathered in her mothers house a mix of LONG-LEGGED young ladies, beautifully dressed balancing on spindly heels and a few mature ladies in flip flops and sandals.
The bride was crowned with a TIARA and VEIL with the most unusual patterned lace TWO ROUND buildings either side of a TALL one and then was given a similar shaped sceptre in lurid pink to match.
Pinning on our hen badges we mounted the MINI BUS, much to the drivers consternation.The very organized M.O.T.B. asked a round of riddles, what larks. After my 3rd miniature bottle of something that tasted of FRUITY COUGH MIXTURE with VODKA. I realised that there was a penalty for not only getting the answer wrong but getting it right as well!
It was a bouncy ride between the various PUBLIC HOUSES, drinking SEX ON THE BEACH dished out from a large THERMOS FLASK in the middle of the aisle.
A delightful young lady called Emilia a fellow gin drinker told me her breasts were kept in place with sticky tape to avoid unseemly BRASSIERE straps. (Handy tip)
We played some intimate and hilarious games with balloons, here is a picture of the bride.
It was a fun packed 8 HOURS and I discovered that with the odd PIT STOP for sustenance I can consume a rather large amount of GIN and stay upright. Although I wouldn’t want to do it every week.
Dear Minoa assured me that even though her and her fiancé were living together they had SEPARATE bedrooms until after their marriage.
I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. After all, you wouldn’t buy a TOOL before checking out its suitability for the job!
Yours Hen Peckedily
Super hot in the Ladygarden today.
Thank heavens for those cotton gussets!
COTTON GUSSETS? I hear you ask dear ladies and occasional gentleman.
The definition of a COTTON GUSSET is a piece of material used to REINFORCE or ENLARGE A garment.
GUSSETS are very important and I employ all of you dear ladies now that SPRING has finally SPRUNG and the weather is warmer.
Only wear KNICKERS with a COTTON GUSSET, you will never regret it.
It may be that as the years roll by you may as the definition hints at, need to enlarge your gussets but do not despair. This means you have more to offer.