My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I have heard it is quite common to have FLASHBACKS after a TRAUMA. And although it has been quite some time since I was in the wonderful city of MARRAKECH in MOROCCO along with the joyful memories are a few traumatic ones. (I am sure you will all remember the rock that attacked my toe in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS which has now dropped off) My dear friend Veronica and I shared a beautiful en-suite bedroom in the RIAD ANYSSATES and one morning as usual I was up first, showered and dressed before Veronica even stirred. If it wasn’t TRAUMATICALLY FUNNY enough to witness the WILD-HEADED Veronica emerge from the CONVOLUTED, TORTUOUS heap in the bed every morning, imagine my HYSTERICS when putting my make-up on using the large wall mirror a VISION of Veronica appeared in her BRA and with a large BLUE TASSEL SWINGING JAUNTILY from her KNICKER-LEG!
p.s. I apologise on Veronicas behalf Nicholas as on her return to the UK and unpacking her suitcase a TASSEL emerged that may well belong to your amazing Riad. I am very concerned Veronica may have acquired a FETISH and TASSELS are not a good look on a middle-aged woman out FORAGING.
TAKING THE PIP!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, can you feel the cross tremors emanating across the air-waves?
Outside of my bedroom window I have two tubs of STRAWBERRIES growing. Every morning I wander out into the garden and pick the ripe ones and eat them, delicious.
Yesterday evening after a day out with my dear friend Veronica, I was in my bedroom changing my clothes when I happened to look out of the window.
You will share my SHOCK when I tell you that Ronald was relieving himself in my strawberry tub!
The SHOCK was reflected on his face when he realised I had caught him in the act.
Even though they have been washed I cannot bring myself to eat them.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman back to MOROCCO, after we had recovered from our trek in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS we had a delicious CHICKEN TAGINE lunch on the terrace.
This was followed by a demonstration of BREAD BAKING, BERBER style. The flat piece of dough is pressed against the sides of the hot CLAY OVEN to bake. The lovely lady without aid of oven-gloves or tongs turned the bread over to bake the other side; finished it is like a NAAN BREAD.
LOOK AWAY NOW IF SQUEAMISH
This is the unfortunate big toe that had a head-on collision with an unidentified ROCK on my ATLAS MOUNTAIN trek. Although protected by my SAINSBURYS trainers it still turned black and now the nail is half-way off.
I remarked to Ronald that I hoped I didn’t catch it and rip it off and he disappeared. Only to return with THIS|
his FIRST-AID KIT from his BMW and mutter about making a protective BANDAGE SNOOD.
I don’t mind PLAYING DOCTORS AND NURSES but I’m NOT letting him near my TOE!
BULLOCKS! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I do believe they are after my PEAR CIDER!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman some of you have been asking what was in the parcel from CHINA, silly me, I forgot to say.
It was in fact INFLATABLE DICE for our next FUNDRAISER in our parish hall, HUMAN HORSE RACING.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning Ronald decided for some unknown reason to have a RAW EGG in MILK for breakfast.
Half an hour later he started worrying about eating the raw egg in case he got SIMONELLA!
BIG INFLATABLE D…?
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman today a PACKAGE arrived from George, I cast about in the depths of my memory for which GEORGE of my acquaintance would be sending me a parcel.
Re-examining the label I see it is addressed to Ronald and comes from a George in PINGFU TOWN, SHENZHEN, CHINA! Curious.
Ronald has just popped to town for POTATOES and MALTESERS, two of the ESSENTIALS of life. The POTATOES are for Ronald.
As he doesn’t know it’s arrived it seems the ideal time to open the PACKAGE.
There is rather a strong smell of RUBBER or PLASTIC, it must be something for the car; I will let you know what I discover.