FEATHERLITE TWITTERS IN THE WOMENS INSTITUTE.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman WHAT LARKS! This evening I attended a local WOMENS INSTITUTE quiz. I can hear you thinking “what a boring evening” but NO you would be wrong.
There are hidden depths to these ladies, they may live in DEEPEST DARKEST DEVON but they know how to ‘KICK OVER THE TRACES’ and enjoy themselves.
Our team consisted of five ladies and one occasional gentleman, who at one stage got a little stern with me, which I will be honest created a little FRISSON between us but before you could say PRE-RAPHAELITES his wife established ownership by announcing they were off on a FERRY to FRANCE in the morning.
But I digress, the highlight of the evening was, when we were given a sheet of LOGOS to name and this picture was one of them.
The ASHREIGNEY WOMENS INSTITUTE decided it was
DUREX FEATHERLITE CONDOMS.
Now we know what those ladies get up to and I don’t think it has anything to do with ‘JAM & JERUSALEM’!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, last Saturday I journeyed to PLYMOUTH with my dear friend Gloria where we took advantage of the PARK AND RIDE.
After a little light shopping when I purchased a MONKEY, some STRAWBERRY INFUSED VINEGAR, a COWBOY HAT and a pair of GOOGLE EYES; followed by a PAN ASIAN lunch and then, the highlight of the day.
The WEST END show ‘WICKED’ at THE THEATRE ROYAL PLYMOUTH (photos courtesy of)
It was MAGICAL with FUNNY dialogue, a THRILLING SET and SPECIAL EFFECTS. The music is so good you think you know the songs and the exquisite costumes were STUNNING.
ASHLEIGH GRAY who plays ELPHABA has the most WONDERFUL voice and gave a powerful performance. EMILY TIERNEY who plays GLINDA has fantastic COMIC TIMING and together they were a joy. Every single PERFORMER was a pleasure to watch, the singing, the dancing and the orchestra were brilliant.
If you have the chance to see this SHOW go, it will lift your spirits.
Unlike the GRUMPY BUS DRIVER who so RILED Gloria, she nearly gave him the DEVON version of the GLASGOW KISS!
#NOTE for those of you with a MUCKY MIND like Ronald: A Park & Ride is where you park your car on the outside of a city and a bus takes you in to the city centre.
Although I wouldn’t have minded a P & R with the HANDSOME young male lead FIYERO played by SAMUEL EDWARDS in EXTREMELY TIGHT TROUSERS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, life is funny. This morning I went into town to meet my dear friend Veronica.
Walking along the street from her cottage we came across a small fold up OAK CHAIR, a plastic CAT BASKET and a GNOME. All outside of a cottage with the front door open and inside a gentleman sat in an ARMCHAIR, with a mug of TEA, a small ELECTRIC FIRE and the RACING POST.
Whilst we were FERRETING in the CHARITY shop a lady came in and said to the young man “you gave me a cuddle yesterday, so I’ve come back in for another one”.
We then shared a rather tasty COFFEE AND WALNUT cake and cup of COFFEE before walking back, when we came across an UNEXPECTED CUCUMBER sat on a doorstep.
If there had been accompanying SALAD that would have been fine but a LONE CUCUMBER!
PRIDE & SOGGY BOTTOMS you may ask my dear ladies and occasional gentleman and I will tell you. We have had everything weather-wise thrown at us this week. Spectacular LIGHTNING and THUNDER, SNOW, TORRENTIAL RAIN, BRIGHT SUNSHINE and HAILSTONES. So this morning whilst we had the sunshine I suggested to Ronald that we take Hirsute Roley for a brisk walk.
Grumbling whilst switching off his KINDLE and dragging himself of the sofa, Ronald readied himself. In the meantime I had donned WATERPROOF COAT, WOOLY HAT, KNEE-LENGTH WELLY SOCKS, WELLINGTON BOOTS and gloves; Hirsute Roley was sporting his striped high necked jumper, we were ready.
Half-way down the lane with rivers of water running either side, slushing through the cow and horse dung, Ronald decided he had the WRONG TROUSERS on. I pointed out that he also had the WRONG SHOES on and why hadn’t he worn his WELLINGTON BOOTS? “I don’t need them” he retorted.
“I think we’ll walk back now” says Ronald, Hirsutes Roley’s feet are wet.
There is the distinct sound of SQUELCHING FEET!
Yours Superiordly Dry
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, please look away if this picture offends you but this is a pair of rather lovely LA PERLA silk FRENCH KNICKERS and I am sure we can all enjoy the beautiful design and fine quality.
I mention them here because an incident occurred when one of my pantomime cast POPPED IN to show me her costume which she then POPPED OUT of!
If flipping the DRESS top up and down revealing her BLACK BRASSIERE wasn’t enough she then proceeded to bend over and flash her FRENCH KNICKERS asking if this was OK.
Poor Ronald hadn’t been expecting this, he had just sat down with a cup of COFFEE and a GINGER NUT to watch the news.
He hasn’t been the same since and he has woken me up a few times in the night muttering FRENCH KNICKERS.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.
What FESTIVE FUN AND FROLICS Ronald and I have enjoyed throughout the advent season; that may have been because A lot of it was spent separately. I dimly remember putting the WORLD to rights (well I hope that’s all I did) after a few gins with the CHEF, the ENGINEER and the UNDERTAKER at our local CLUB.
I am now up to my DOUBLE ENTENDRES in DIRECTING the PARISH PANTOMIME. Oh no your not -oh yes I am. ( I apologise to my colonial readers who struggle to understand the concept).
Practicing THE CAN-CAN and the PONCHO.
I think I’m having some sort of CRISIS, I am knitting a PONCHO!
When I mentioned it to my dear friend Veronica she said ” I like a poncho as long as you don’t look like CLINT EASTWOOD”.
Yours Go Ahead and Make My Dayedly
A SPACEMAN CAME TRAVELING my dear ladies and occasional gentleman well that’s what I thought on
Sunday evening at our village CHURCH SERVICE 9 LESSONS & CAROLS.
I had been asked to read a lesson, so Morello my daughter and I sat in a pew near the front. As we sat listening to the music waiting for the service to begin, out of the corner of my eye a SPACEMAN walked past and sat down in the pew opposite.
I turned to Morello “there’s a man in a spacesuit over there” I told her.
At the end of the service we retired to the LADYCHAPEL for a cup of TEA and a MINCE PIE. As we waited in the queue I spotted the SPACEMAN.
I couldn’t resist mouth overtook brain, ” I THOUGHT YOU WERE DRESSED AS A SPACEMAN” I jovially told him. He looked down at his WHITE JACKET with its SHINY rectangular patches and his white trousers in a PUZZLED manner as Morello dragged me away still chuckling.