ATLAS ASSES

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman back to Morrocco with ATLAS ASSES.

A short walk before lunch,  suggested our host in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS, just down to the village and a little stroll in the splendor of the snow-topped mountains.

Several of us set off down the steep hill and met this handsome chap as we entered the village.

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The local ladies sat in the shade tried to control their chuckles at the STUPID TOURISTS walking past, out in the mid-day sun.

After 30 minutes of navigating, GULLIES, traversing STREAMS climbing over BOULDERS our friendly guide told us that the way ahead was blocked with a river of water. The farmers are allowed to irrigate their land with the snow melted water according to a time-table! Either the FARMER or the GUIDE had erred!

Back we climbed the way we had climbed down and attempted another route. 20 minutes later this to was blocked by water. A mixed group of MIDDLE-AGED  people clinging to the side of the mountain set the dear boy guide panicking a little and he quickly suggested we climb up a steep bank, and through some barbed wire in order to avoid it.

My dear friend Veronica under the illusion she is like a YOUNG GAZELLE scrambled up behind a fellow climber and there was a pivotal moment when half of her was through the hole but the rest of her (dare ASS ay  the heavier end) wasn’t!

With temperatures of 29c I decided to join the men and brave the water, oh what fun we had!

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After a further 20 minutes and another blocked track, I decided I’d had enough and would make my own way back.

When Veronica arrived sometime after me, she resembled an EXTREMELY CROSS GIANT TOMATO!

XXXXXXX! XXXXXXXXXXX! XX! XXXXXXX! XXXXX!

I’m afraid I’ve had to censor what she said.

Yours Tiredly

Celia

MOROCCAN GIN

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman we were bouncing along in our mini bus when we skidded to a halt on the edge of a precipice for this photo op of a Berber village.

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We had been advised to wear plenty of clothes as it would be cold in the mountains. We didn’t have a lot of clothes  so I wore my stylish GREY JERSEY JACKET and my dear friend Veronica borrowed a rather un-fetching FLEECE.  The only acceptable time to wear a FLEECE is if you are doing a sponsored NIGHT-WALK for CHARITY! Luckily it was 84f and Veronica didn’t have to embarrass herself!

Driving around hare pin bends climbing steeply, we thought it was a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE which funnily enough they filmed there but eventually we arrived at RIAD DAR TASSA just in time for……

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MOROCCAN GIN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or as we know it MINT TEA.

Of course Veronica was snitchy because the young man served me first.

Yours Mintily

Celia

p.s. Where is all this FLEECE coming from, it’s everywhere, cushions, blankets, dog beds, jackets, scarfs, hats, gloves, dusters, slippers. Ronald has even got some trousers in FLEECE.

FLEECE that’s a misnomer as the stuff hasn’t been within a mile of a sheep!

PENCHANT FOR PORN

PENCHANT FOR PORN yes my dear ladies and occasional gentleman it is appears that I am gifted.

As some of you know I dabble with a little bit of writing.

imageAs you can see I still favour a QUILL.

My dear son suggested I write one as there seems to be such a demand. So I considered it and thought I’d have a go, in a ladylike way of course.

I sat in the LADYGARDEN with a NOTEBOOK, wrote 3,500 WORDS, had SEX three times and all before LUNCH!

I do believe I have a PENCHANT FOR PORN.

Yours Excitedly

Celia

HELLO KITTY! MARRAKECH!

HELLO KITTY! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, don’t we just love our PUSSIES? I know I do and it appears our MORROCAN  Ladies do too.

My dear friend  Veronica and our FANNY friend and I decided to explore THE MEDINA and SOUK and do a little SHOPPING.

Stepping out of the PEACE and CALM of the RIAD you are showered with  an EXPLOSION of SENSES and it took a while for my little brain to sort them out. A MYRIAD of SMELLS some going straight to the RECYCLING BIN, others not unpleasant but unknown I filed for later, others, the herbs and spices I wallowed in like a PIG in MUD.

A CACOPHONY of sound assaults your EARS and your EYES are engaged in keeping you alive as you dodge MOTORCYCLES, DONKEYS, BICYCLES, CATS and PEOPLE, through the bustling maze.

The charming ladies of MARRAKECH favour a TRADITIONAL DJELLABA with a TWIST. There is a PENCHANT for LEOPARD PRINT and one admirable lady sported a full-length DJELLABA FLEECE with      ‘HELLO KITTY’ On the back in PINK SPARKLES. I do admire individuality.

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There are some very HANDSOME fellows who entice you into their shops and they all offer ‘BEST PRICE’. It is traditional to HAGGLE and Don’t we just love a bit of HAGGLING especially with a nice young man.

The answer is yes we do but poor old Veronica got in a right old state “why don’t they just put the  price on?” She GRUMBLED OFTEN! (Have I mentioned this is a DRY country? I think she was suffering withdrawal symptoms) We all had such fun, HAGGLING and BUYING except Veronica, she finally plucked up COURAGE when she fell in love with a POUFFE.

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You should have seen her trying to squeeze that into her HAND-LUGGAGE!

I met a very handsome young man in the famous JEMAA EL FNA SQUARE he called out and asked me if I came from London, what a SILLY BILLY. I thought “here’s a young man who could BENEFIT from a MATURE WOMAN with EXPERIENCE”. So I told him I was from THE WEST COUNTRY and taught him all about CORNISH PASTIES!

An hour later passing him again some distance away I observed him calling out “CORNISH PASTIES!” to startled TOURISTS.

Yours Hagglingly

Celia

HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY

HAPPY ST GEORGE’S DAY, my dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologise for my absence.

As you can see Ronald and I have been KNIGHTED by my dear friend HER MAJ whilst on a little ladylike break in WELSH WALES.

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It’s LORD AND LADY CELIAGARDEN now, I know all my dear ladies and occasional gentleman will be thrilled for us.

I’ve just to calm Ronald down, he’s online as we speak hunting for ERMINE and HIGH HEELED SHOES WITH A BUCKLE ON.

More on mine and Veronica’s MARRAKECH adventure soon.

Yours Ladyshiply

Celia

WHO DOESN’T LIKE A BIT OF LONG TALL GAUL?

My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, who doesn’t like a bit of long tall Gaul?imageimage

No-one I hear you cry, so let me introduce you to NICHOLAS our host at the RIAD ANYSSATES.  Apart from being all PARISIAN and GORGEOUS  nothing is too much trouble, he dimageefinitely knows how to look after us LADIES!

His wonderful staff, FATIMA and the LADIES and especially dear MOHAMMED and all.

What is there not to like about PANCAKES and CAKE for breakfast?

Tempered by FRESH FRUIT,  YOGHURT, TOAST TEA and COFFEE.

If your stay coincides with my dear friend Veronica BEWARE! You’ll never know what you might find on your breakfast table, she does love a bit of FORAGING and will have been into all sorts of NOOKS and CRANNIES up the SOUK!

Yours Gaulingly

Celia

http://www.riadanyssates.com

COMING AT THE RIGHT TIME!

COMING AT THE RIGHT TIME is always preferable my dear ladies and occasional gentleman and that’s just what Veronica and I did.

As the RIAD door opened a great cheer rose up from the courtyard into the MARRAKECH night sky. Though that could be because everyone had been waiting 2 hours for their dinner.

The GORGEOUS and CHARMING Nicholas welcomed us and one of his lovely assistants took us to our room for a quick change but I’m not going into to detail as to what Veronica did with a WET-WIPE!

How wonderful to meet up with our fellow ‘FANNY’ her family and friends on her birthday. Due to our ‘SPECIAL BOTTLED WATER’ imbibed on the plane, we were already in the PARTY SPIRIT and threw ourselves into the BELLY-DANCING, I say with modesty I know I impressed the professional dancer but Veronica danced her usual 2 beats behind the music in her WILD WANTON manner.

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Dear Lauren introduced us to a variety of ALCOHOLIC SHOTS. What fun!

The evening ended with the 3 ‘FANNY’S singing KARAOKE with the boys from the band. BRITTANY SPEARS was a highlight but it all went a bit downhill after YMCA.

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Yours Fezedly

Celia

p.s. With apologies  Nicholas for borrowing your Fez’s from your window display.