My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, today Ronald NEARLY made my day when he said “I’m going to give you a little touch up, I know you’ve been wanting it” accompanied by a cheeky little smile.
Ooh must be the hot weather! I lay back and draped myself in what I hoped was a seductive manner on the garden swing.
Ronald headed my way, bypassed me and delved into his SHED, coming out with a tin of paint and a paintbrush.
He turned the metal two-seater garden seat upside down and started happily painting away. He didn’t notice the DISAPPOINTMENT on GRUMPY visage or realise that Hirsute Roley was lying underneath, sensibly in the shade out of the hot sun.
Nothing to see here his look says as he sits on my POANG with his large BLUE STREAK.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, do you like to read? I know I do.
If you like to read and enjoy a good chuckle perhaps you might like to read this, a sci-fi comedy romp across the multiverse.
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SOCKS & SHORTS! What, I hear you cry my dear ladies and occasional gentleman are you talking about?
I am talking about MEN wearing SOCKS with SHORTS!
This used to be a look the older gentleman favoured but I am sorry to have to inform you that even young men are now sporting this look.
I recently had the misfortune to espy a young man who had adopted a heavy metal/rock look with his long black hair and black rocker band t-shirt. As this rebel without a cause pushed his baby-stroller past me I was able to view what completed his ensemble.
A pair of long mid-calf SHORTS with about 10 centimetres of hairy leg before the black SOCKS!
This is not a good look!
I will admit that the occasional dapper senior gentleman, wearing smartly pressed linen shorts, can get away with a white knee-length sock, even better if held up by a suspender.
So I appeal to you occasional gentleman.
IF IT’S WARM ENOUGH TO WEAR SHORTS, IT’S WARM ENOUGH NOT TO WEAR SOCKS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning Ronald is LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!
Last night his SNORING was so OUTRAGEOUSLY loud that I nearly put a PILLOW over his head.
And left it there
p.s. Thank you John Lewis for the lovely picture of pillows
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I have heard it is quite common to have FLASHBACKS after a TRAUMA. And although it has been quite some time since I was in the wonderful city of MARRAKECH in MOROCCO along with the joyful memories are a few traumatic ones. (I am sure you will all remember the rock that attacked my toe in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS which has now dropped off) My dear friend Veronica and I shared a beautiful en-suite bedroom in the RIAD ANYSSATES and one morning as usual I was up first, showered and dressed before Veronica even stirred. If it wasn’t TRAUMATICALLY FUNNY enough to witness the WILD-HEADED Veronica emerge from the CONVOLUTED, TORTUOUS heap in the bed every morning, imagine my HYSTERICS when putting my make-up on using the large wall mirror a VISION of Veronica appeared in her BRA and with a large BLUE TASSEL SWINGING JAUNTILY from her KNICKER-LEG!
p.s. I apologise on Veronicas behalf Nicholas as on her return to the UK and unpacking her suitcase a TASSEL emerged that may well belong to your amazing Riad. I am very concerned Veronica may have acquired a FETISH and TASSELS are not a good look on a middle-aged woman out FORAGING.
TAKING THE PIP!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, can you feel the cross tremors emanating across the air-waves?
Outside of my bedroom window I have two tubs of STRAWBERRIES growing. Every morning I wander out into the garden and pick the ripe ones and eat them, delicious.
Yesterday evening after a day out with my dear friend Veronica, I was in my bedroom changing my clothes when I happened to look out of the window.
You will share my SHOCK when I tell you that Ronald was relieving himself in my strawberry tub!
The SHOCK was reflected on his face when he realised I had caught him in the act.
Even though they have been washed I cannot bring myself to eat them.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman back to MOROCCO, after we had recovered from our trek in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS we had a delicious CHICKEN TAGINE lunch on the terrace.
This was followed by a demonstration of BREAD BAKING, BERBER style. The flat piece of dough is pressed against the sides of the hot CLAY OVEN to bake. The lovely lady without aid of oven-gloves or tongs turned the bread over to bake the other side; finished it is like a NAAN BREAD.
LOOK AWAY NOW IF SQUEAMISH
This is the unfortunate big toe that had a head-on collision with an unidentified ROCK on my ATLAS MOUNTAIN trek. Although protected by my SAINSBURYS trainers it still turned black and now the nail is half-way off.
I remarked to Ronald that I hoped I didn’t catch it and rip it off and he disappeared. Only to return with THIS|
his FIRST-AID KIT from his BMW and mutter about making a protective BANDAGE SNOOD.
I don’t mind PLAYING DOCTORS AND NURSES but I’m NOT letting him near my TOE!