TAKING THE PIP!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, can you feel the cross tremors emanating across the air-waves?
Outside of my bedroom window I have two tubs of STRAWBERRIES growing. Every morning I wander out into the garden and pick the ripe ones and eat them, delicious.
Yesterday evening after a day out with my dear friend Veronica, I was in my bedroom changing my clothes when I happened to look out of the window.
You will share my SHOCK when I tell you that Ronald was relieving himself in my strawberry tub!
The SHOCK was reflected on his face when he realised I had caught him in the act.
Even though they have been washed I cannot bring myself to eat them.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman back to MOROCCO, after we had recovered from our trek in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS we had a delicious CHICKEN TAGINE lunch on the terrace.
This was followed by a demonstration of BREAD BAKING, BERBER style. The flat piece of dough is pressed against the sides of the hot CLAY OVEN to bake. The lovely lady without aid of oven-gloves or tongs turned the bread over to bake the other side; finished it is like a NAAN BREAD.
LOOK AWAY NOW IF SQUEAMISH
This is the unfortunate big toe that had a head-on collision with an unidentified ROCK on my ATLAS MOUNTAIN trek. Although protected by my SAINSBURYS trainers it still turned black and now the nail is half-way off.
I remarked to Ronald that I hoped I didn’t catch it and rip it off and he disappeared. Only to return with THIS|
his FIRST-AID KIT from his BMW and mutter about making a protective BANDAGE SNOOD.
I don’t mind PLAYING DOCTORS AND NURSES but I’m NOT letting him near my TOE!
BULLOCKS! My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I do believe they are after my PEAR CIDER!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman some of you have been asking what was in the parcel from CHINA, silly me, I forgot to say.
It was in fact INFLATABLE DICE for our next FUNDRAISER in our parish hall, HUMAN HORSE RACING.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, this morning Ronald decided for some unknown reason to have a RAW EGG in MILK for breakfast.
Half an hour later he started worrying about eating the raw egg in case he got SIMONELLA!
BIG INFLATABLE D…?
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman today a PACKAGE arrived from George, I cast about in the depths of my memory for which GEORGE of my acquaintance would be sending me a parcel.
Re-examining the label I see it is addressed to Ronald and comes from a George in PINGFU TOWN, SHENZHEN, CHINA! Curious.
Ronald has just popped to town for POTATOES and MALTESERS, two of the ESSENTIALS of life. The POTATOES are for Ronald.
As he doesn’t know it’s arrived it seems the ideal time to open the PACKAGE.
There is rather a strong smell of RUBBER or PLASTIC, it must be something for the car; I will let you know what I discover.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman back to Morrocco with ATLAS ASSES.
A short walk before lunch, suggested our host in the ATLAS MOUNTAINS, just down to the village and a little stroll in the splendor of the snow-topped mountains.
Several of us set off down the steep hill and met this handsome chap as we entered the village.
The local ladies sat in the shade tried to control their chuckles at the STUPID TOURISTS walking past, out in the mid-day sun.
After 30 minutes of navigating, GULLIES, traversing STREAMS climbing over BOULDERS our friendly guide told us that the way ahead was blocked with a river of water. The farmers are allowed to irrigate their land with the snow melted water according to a time-table! Either the FARMER or the GUIDE had erred!
Back we climbed the way we had climbed down and attempted another route. 20 minutes later this to was blocked by water. A mixed group of MIDDLE-AGED people clinging to the side of the mountain set the dear boy guide panicking a little and he quickly suggested we climb up a steep bank, and through some barbed wire in order to avoid it.
My dear friend Veronica under the illusion she is like a YOUNG GAZELLE scrambled up behind a fellow climber and there was a pivotal moment when half of her was through the hole but the rest of her (dare ASS ay the heavier end) wasn’t!
With temperatures of 29c I decided to join the men and brave the water, oh what fun we had!
After a further 20 minutes and another blocked track, I decided I’d had enough and would make my own way back.
When Veronica arrived sometime after me, she resembled an EXTREMELY CROSS GIANT TOMATO!
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I’m afraid I’ve had to censor what she said.