CHAFFENED CHOCOLATE DERRIÈRE!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, much as it pains me to discuss such an intimate and distasteful matter, I feel compelled to in order to prevent you suffering the same distress I experienced last night.
Here is the CULPRIT!
This may just look like innocent REINDEER decorated toilet paper BUT if you look closely you will see that the decoration colour is BROWN!
And it SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE!
10 minutes of scrubbing and a CHAFFENED DERRIÈRE last night, before I realised it WASN’T ME!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, FELICITATIONS at this ADVENT season. What a busy time it has been, hence my absence.
Sparks have been flying from my KNITTING and SEWING needles (Ronald has taken to wearing SAFETY GLASSES) as I race to complete festive gifts.
Who doesn’t need ELF BUNTING?
Last Friday evening I accompanied my dear friend Veronica to a CHRISTMAS FAIR where she displayed her wonderful HOMEMADE SOAPS and other lovely SMELLIES. Veronica had gone off foraging for MULLED CIDER to keep off the chill and I was MANNING the stall in my own ladylike way, enjoying the music, happy families, decorations and CHRISTMAS atmosphere, WHEN! A man SIDLED up to the stall and picked up one of Veronica’s cards offering PARTIES.
He LEERED at me muttering “mmmmm you do parties do you? I think I’d like you to do me a party”
I just did that silly little giggle that one does when one is nervous, luckily Veronica returned knocking the hopeful PARTY-GOER clear out of the way with her LARGE-BOTTOM glasses of MULLED CIDER!
P.S. Ronald has just returned from Lidls where he was SEDUCED by this CRISTMAS REINDEER PACK OF SCENTED TOILET ROLLS with SNOWFLAKES, REINDEERS AND CHRISTMAS TREES on them. WORRYING!
WHAT IS THIS? My dear ladies and occasional gentleman today has been a glorious sunny 1st day of DECEMBER so my dear friend Gloria and I went for a walk taking little hirsute Roley with us.
It was very MILD and QUIET walking the lanes until I came upon this ALIEN CREATURE!
WHAT IS IT? If any of my dear ladies and occasional gentleman know please tell me.
I was EXCEEDINGLY BRAVE taking this photograph as I am distinctly ARACHNOPHOBIC!
This was not a good start to the FESTIVE SEASON, a ROBIN, REINDEER OR (W)RAPPING PAPER would have been more suitable.
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman as you all know HER MAJ is a dear friend of mine and I must say as we approach the YULETIDE SEASON she has excelled herself.
This arrived in the POST on Friday.
I was a tad surprised to receive her CHRISTMAS CARD so early and I am afraid I took her to task. “It’s only the 21st of November” I chided her.
She replied (a little churlishly I thought) ” Oh it’s DUKEY, he’s always been a little PREMATURE!”
I thought it wise not to comment.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PILGRIMS!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman I am sure you will join with me in CELEBRATING with OUR COLONIAL COUSINS the 400th ANNIVERSARY of THE MAYFLOWER leaving PLYMOUTH DEVON carrying the PILGRIM FATHERS and making that historic journey to what they called PLYMOUTH MASSACHUSETTS.
I am lighting this CANDLE as to quote GOVERNOR WILLIAM BRADFORD in his book Of Plimoth Plantation which states, “As one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled has shown unto many,” and will inspire a sense of unity among all those participating.
SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES!
My dear ladies an occasional gentleman, I realize I may upset some people by today’s little ‘Bliss’ but I just wanted to share with you my thoughts.
Yesterday Ronald and I visited a very dear friend who unfortunately is stoically enduring a prolonged stay in our local hospital (when I say local it is about 14 miles away). The dear lady is being very well looked after under our wonderful NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE.
The hospital boasts that the site is a SMOKE FREE SITE.
Unfortunately visitors whether attending appointments or visiting at the main entrance have to RUN THE GAUNTLET of PATIENTS in various states of dress
AT THEIR CIGARETTES clustered around the entrance!
Almost to prove a point three people were stood directly in front of the sign!
Although the NHS might feel they may ENCOURAGE people to smoke by providing an area away from the entrance for SMOKERS. I think most visiting non-smokers and ill people would appreciate not having to breathe in the smoke or gather the smell onto their clothing.
CREATIVE JUICES have been flowing in the LADYGARDEN, Ronald has had to take cover!
My dear ladies and occasional gentleman, I apologies for my absence but my CREATIVE JUICES have been flowing and I am sure you’ll agree that you have to enjoy it and go with the flow.
Since we last had a little converse I have written a PANTOMIME for our annual village production (oh no you didn’t, oh yes I did), I appreciate the concept of PANTOMIME is a little obtuse to my COLONIAL friends. It is truly a strange English form of THEATRE.
It isn’t as easy as it might sound writing a PANTOMIME, there are the absolute necessities that have to be included. I have to make sure there is a part for every EGO and each character has to have some dialogue and a song. Then there are the whole cast DANCES , PANTO HORSE, audience participation,choosing all the MUSIC……… It’s OK I’m stopping now, I can hear your yawns of boredom.
I have also written more of my novel!
If you were wondering how I did at our ANNUAL VILLAGE SHOW here are the results and thank you for all your well wishes.